Chapter 13.9: Woman With a Downcast Look IX

Chapter 13.9: Woman With a Downcast Look IX

Why

Someone like me is not worth being alive because Im a trash of society!

That kind of thing

A year has already passed since I joined the company, yet all I have done is make failures! Every day Im constantly being scolded! Ive been told over and over again that my presence here is futile! The seniors I admire are a nuisance to me, the juniors laugh at me, and my peers ostracize me for being a dullard incapable of doing my job! Nobody needs me, Im worthless Im the same as a piece of trash! Even if I live, its meaningless!!

She broke down in tears while saying this.

Apparently, her lack of professional achievement and the pressure she was under from all sides distressed her greatly to the degree she was on the verge of committing suicide since she didnt want to live with such misery.

What are you talking about? Being a trash of society?

I kneeled down before the woman who was weeping aloud.

If its being trash then Im the one whos trash.

Huh

When she raised her small face, I tried to smile to the utmost extent possible, though I was not certain whether I did it well.

I am still a freeter at my age. I do not have a girlfriend, I am a vain guy, but more than anything, I am incredibly timid and uncool Lately I have been receiving a lot of help from people Like you, I do not do any work that contributes to society, I do not know the severity of society, and I am an idiot who only thinks living a comfortable life and eating every day is good enough. At my age, I am probably more trash than you because I do not serve society, and I am constantly inconveniencing the people around me. The fact that you go to work and work properly is not trash and that you do not have any worth living is not true.

No I! I am a hindrance to everyone!

How old are you now?

Ugh E-Eighteen cough.

I am 25. When rounded off, that makes me a 30 year old man.

The thought of her standing on the edge of a cliff sent a surge of impatience through me that I had to do something.

Regardless of the reason, she was a real suicidal person. Her eyes were serious.

Even though it was outside the scope of our conversation so far to fully grasp the depth of her suffering and what she had gone through to the stage where she wanted to die, if I were to dismiss her heartbreaking plea right now, she would unquestionably take her own life.

My premonition was spot on.

The vinyl strings were to be hung from a branch and hooked around her neck.

The utility knife was to slit her own wrist.

The ballpoint pen, loose-leaf notebook and brown envelope were for writing a suicide note.

The receipt was merely for camouflage.

A genuine suicidal person was right in front of me.

And she has already cast one foot over the cliff. One false move and I would be the one to push her over the edge.

I couldnt say anything thoughtless.

I had to be cautious. I had to restrain myself from saying anything against her in any way.

First, I needed to reassure her.

Perspiration of tension erupted from my entire body.

Youre still young, its okay to fail Even if you say one year, its only one year, there are many people who excel at their jobs and many people who are not all that proficient so dont be so condemning and hurt yourself so much.

I concentrated intensely, like threading a needle through a hole, and chose each word as it came out.

Failure is a terribly shameful and unpleasant experience When I was a student, I hated being embarrassed in front of people because of my ridiculously high pride. People would laugh at me and point back at me. I understand the feeling of wanting to drive yourself to the breaking point because you feel pathetic about failing

And to top it off, the eyes of others are on you. The stress is beyond measure.

But you dont have to be that ashamed of yourself for failing That you are not worth living is an overstatement You should value yourself more.

Valuing myself thats not possible. Whatever I do, I already know its not going to work! Im a stupid useless human being!

She was no doubt a diligent girl.

In her own way, she struggled with her inability to perform well at her job, and yet she kept going for a year, pushing herself when things didnt turn out well and didnt quit.

All sorts of people laughed at her, talked about her behind her back but she kept going.

And then she ended up here.

From her mouth, she kept reiterating that she had persistently striven but to no avail.

For a while, I kept my mouth open without being able to say anything.

What should I say next? I searched for words.

No, but you know what?

This is only the beginning.

Lets not give up.

You can do it, Im sure of it.

She could not seek help from anyone. No one would lend a helping hand to her.

All she was capable of was being an obstacle and a burden to others. If so, she would abandon everything and go somewhere where no one would notice her so that she would not inconvenience others. To be at ease.

That company is no longer a place I want to stay But if I resign they will post it on the internet.

There was nowhere to escape to.

So nobody needs me, II

As if hating herself for existing, she clawed her neck hard.

Bite marks did not disappear. The welts simply surfaced.

Lets.

At the sight of the womans face, distorted with grief and agony, I couldnt smile any more.

Police. Lets go to the police.

Huh?Translator: MadHatter

There is another female staff member at the convenience store, so Ill ask her to escort you. So, lets go to the police now.

No, I no way!

She shook her head. I calmly announced to her rather than grasping her shoulders as she was about to scream and go insane.

What you just said, thats a full-blown crime. Those two bosses are criminals. You should inform the police about the harm youve suffered and let them resolve the situation.

Ugh, ugh, no! If I do that they will spread it all over the place! Then I!!

Dont worry, that wont happen.

How do you know that! No, nothing will change anyway! Theyll spread it around, expose it and more people will laugh at me! Id rather die!!

Dont you feel frustrated that youre going to end your life being cornered by such bunch of jerks!

Ah, I accidentally let out a scream

What the hell do you understand!

I am sorry I dont understand. But I cant forgive those guys. I cant leave them alone and I cant leave you alone either!

Ugh, I I have no relation with you. Im a stranger.

Even if you are a stranger, if you are about to die, someone will normally stop you!

Even though I had told myself to stay calm, before I knew it, I had become emotional.

No matter what happens dont kill yourself.

This was just me imposing my own selfish views on her.

I am sorry. I can only say this You dont want to hear such words from a stranger, right?

It was nothing more than the beautiful words of a peace-loving idiot.

I know someone who committed suicide a long time ago

My mouth started spewing out words on its own.

I didnt even realize what was bothering that guy. If anything I think I pushed that guys back.

Perhaps someone was harassing her.

That guy wouldnt let anyone see any of their painful face

No, that was just an excuse.

The truth was, I just didnt see it. The small sign that Hyuga gave.

If only I had realized and said something, maybe that guy wouldnt be dead I cant be sure, but I still think that maybe they would have been

This was regret.

The reality was that no matter how much I looked back, nothing would ever change.

You overlap with that guy With that guy who committed suicide Im getting more impatient than ever to do something about it! The thought of letting another person die again makes me!

As I said this, I began to tear up.

Even though I didnt think that saying this would change anything for her.

Even though it would not heal the despair inside her.

By all means, I wanted to stop her.

I wanted her to accept it.

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