CH 4.6

That nonsense drained me out. Even though I opened my eyes after closing them for quite a long time, Yeon Woojeong was still there. The gaze looking down at me was soft. I didn’t want to fall asleep. I wanted to talk more. But because I shouldn’t say useless things, I chose my words.

“After leaving the youth shelter, there’s a facility…”

“A facility?”

“Yeah. There are kids there, they like choco pie.”

So I was going to give them… but that was unnecessary. I swallowed the rest of the words.

“Was it in Seoul?”

“Yes, in Ihwa… you don’t need to know. Anyway, it wasn’t a bad place.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah…”

“You liked the kids, huh?”

“I didn’t.”

“Really?”

“… There was a strange kid. I… never being kind to him, but he shared his food and kept talking to me.”

“Even kids know how to see people.”

Yeon Woojeong touched the back of his hand on my cheek. The back of his hand was cooler than his palm. I leaned my cheek unknowingly. I heard a small giggle and I closed my eyes.

I kept muttering meaningless words. It was stories that I wouldn’t be able to remember even if I was reminded of them later. The homeless man I saw on the road, the drunken man who argued with me, the stray dog that kept chasing and annoying me, the petals falling like rain that stopped me from walking…

While talking, I had to stay tight, so that I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t say. But it gradually got harder and my voice didn’t come out. I closed my mouth because I had no power to continue talking.

I thought it would be good if Yeon Woojeong was here when I opened my eyes again. However, he had his own work, so he wouldn’t be able to always stay next to me. 

My body sank heavily. It felt like my eyes were sucked inside, and the pain that pressed on my body gradually turned dull.

The weight occupying one side of the bed disappeared. I sensed that Yeon Woojeong was standing up, and I reached out my hand before I could think about it.

I grabbed his wrist. When I grabbed it stronger, my forearm hurt. I struggled to open up my eyelids, and I saw Yeon Woojeong’s face. He was looking down at me with a face I couldn’t understand. His gaze slid down to my hand. Lips that did not smile and eyes that could not be seen. Strength began to leave my hand.

Suddenly, Yeon Woojeong’s fingers moved down and snuggled between mine. Each of the five fingers intertwined. At the same time he lowered his head, I closed my eyes back.

“So Jiho, what kind of bastard did this?”

Yeon Woojeong whispered so, so sweetly.

***

When I opened my eyes again, Yeon Woojoeng was there. I repeatedly fell in and out of sleep, and Yeon Woojeong next to me wiped my sweats or gave me water and medicine.

I thought I said nonsense occasionally. It wasn’t a strange story, but just a useless story. Yeon Woojeong responded every time. It wasn’t a meaningful story either—looking at how I couldn’t remember it.

I felt my body was a little lighter, and when I opened my eyes, the ceiling of the living room seen over the railing was bright. Yeon Woojeong’s hair was in my sight. He was sitting and reading a book.

“Mr. Yeon.”

My throat was dry. After coughing a few times, I asked.

“What time is it now?”

“It’s past breakfast time.”

“… Are you going?”

Yeon Woojeong stared intently at me and then slanted up one of his lips’ corners. 

“It’s officially a day off. Merry Christmas.”

Christmas? I couldn’t believe it, so I fumbled around the bedside, and Yeon Woojeong handed over the phone to me. December 25th. It was Christmas as he said.

I couldn’t believe I had been sick for two days straight. Although to be precise, it was less than a day and a half… My whole body ached, but surely I didn’t feel any fever.

Yesterday, Yeon Woojeong was always there whenever I opened my eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was a dream or a reality.

“You… didn’t come to work yesterday?”

“Mhm. I took a day off.”

“…”

“I used up my precious leave to see your face.”

Yeon Woojeong, who said that, didn’t look like he was particularly sad or regretful. I was dumbfounded that he even took a rest from work to take care of me. I was staring absentmindedly, and he clicked his tongue.

“You’ve become ugly. It’s bruised all over.”

Yeon Woojeong examined my face with a dissatisfied gaze. I didn’t know how much I was beaten because I couldn’t look in the mirror. I wasn’t happy with his ‘pretty’ nonsense, but it didn’t mean I liked to hear that remark.

“So you’ll kick me out now?”

The eyes scanning my face halted. He bobbed up his brows and then laughed with his eyes creased.

“Are you treating me as a scoundrel who’s crazy with pretty faces?”

I never treated him as a scoundrel. He looks like a villain with a great story and personality, but right now, he is a good person who has the biggest influence on me.

A good person. Yeah. He was surprisingly a good person.

“Are you not hungry?”

After hearing his question, I felt hungry as if my stomach was stuck to my back. When I nodded, Yeon Woojeong went downstairs.

Once Yeon Woojeong went down, the second floor turned quiet, and sounds rang from the first floor. He wasn’t noisy in his movement or footsteps, so I focused on the faint sound and thought about what he might be doing. Not long after, Yeon Woojeong went upstairs with a tray.

It was porridge with a few side dishes. As I raised up my body, he put the tray on my lap.

“Did you make this yourself?”

“Unfortunately, no. This will be far tastier than what I made.” 

I held the spoon. I grimaced as soon as I ate a spoonful of the porridge. The porridge was warm, not hot, but it stung inside my mouth as if I was hurt there too.

The good thing was that the porridge was so watery that there was hardly anything to chew. As I swallowed it slowly, Yeon Woojeong grabbed my chin. My lips opened automatically, and his eyes fell into my mouth.

My tongue turned stiff. I could feel my mouth watering, but I couldn’t swallow it easily. His eyes were fierce. As I looked at him, I suddenly remembered a voice.

“What kind of bastard did this?”

It was Yeon Woojeong’s voice. Did Yeon Woojeong say that? I couldn’t remember it well. That might be a dream. Even if that wasn’t a dream, I would never answer it.

I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to open Pandora’s box for no reason. Even if I had told him a bit about that, there was no way Yeon Woojeong, who was exceptionally busy, would scour every corner of the street just because of me.

When I pushed his hand, he withdrew calmly. Hunger came before pain, so I ate the porridge slowly. Yeon Woojeong watched me until I emptied the bowl as if he didn’t feel bored. Honestly, I felt burdened, but it didn’t mean I hated it, so I didn’t say anything.

When I put down the bowl, Yeon Woojeong went down with the tray without saying a word. This was the first time someone did something in my stead, so it was awkward and strange to just stay still like this. Soon after, Yeon Woojeong went upstairs again. This time, he came with a cup of water and a small first-aid kit.

“It’s a painkiller.”

He gave me the medicine along with the cup. Suddenly, I remembered myself refusing to take medicine. At that time, Yeon Woojeong said he was curious about me. Yet he didn’t ask me anything after that. Was that his consideration? The more I got to know, the more strange this man was.

Once I accepted the medicine and the cup, Yeon Woojeong opened the first-aid kit. I reached out as I watched the medicine being applied to the cotton swab.

“I’ll do it myself.”

“You can’t.”

He pulled his hand back, talking as if he was teasing a puppy. I furrowed my forehead because I thought he was joking, but he was expressionless.

“There’s no hand mirror in my house.”

“I can go to the bathroom and do it there.”

“Can you even get up?”

Looking at me, Yeon Woojeong smiled as if ridiculing me. I tried to raise my body to show him that I could get up, but he forcefully pushed my shoulder. After making me stay still, he grabbed my chin again and brought the cotton swab to my lips at will.

I trembled because it stung. Yeon Woojeong came closer. His gaze made the wound throb. The breath sounded loud. It wasn’t hard to push him, but I lowered my gaze and asked.

“Why are you doing this far?”

“Because you need to receive something like this.”

The answer was concise and couldn’t be understood. I didn’t know why I needed to receive something like this. To be exact, why did Yeon Woojeong do this far?

Suddenly, my chest felt stuffy. I also felt like my rage surged up. I didn’t know the reason. Yeon Woojeong’s neck was caught in my sight.

I remembered the scarf that I left behind. What kind of face would Yeon Woojeong make if I gave him the scarf? Would he like it? Would he smile? Would he reject it? Yeon Woojeong’s reactions in my imagination were various, and because I didn’t know which one it would be, I regretted it more. I fiddled with my hands that were empty, but then Yeon Woojeong’s hand grabbed my finger as the cotton swab left my lips.