CH 4.7

The hands were hit here and there during the physical fight and even hit Lee Sugeol as hard as I could. I shook off Yeon Woojeong and put my hands behind me.

I’d rather be a bastard who was beaten like a fool, I didn’t want to be the one who gave back as much as I got beaten.

The sensation that I thought I had forgotten surged up. Ironically, the memory of being beaten guided my fists. How should I hit, how far have I hit, how far should I hit…

I felt nauseated. I clenched tight my hands, and a hand reached my head.

When I looked up, Yeon Woojeong was stroking my head. Strangely, the damned thoughts seemed to be completely melted by the soft touch. I breathed out the breath that I didn’t know had held in.

“I have to go out. I don’t want to go, but there’s work I have to take a look at. I’ll be back by evening. Is there anything you want to eat?”

“Nothing.”

“Alright, I’ll buy moderately. Sleep more.”

Yeon Woojeong pushed my chest softly. Oddly, my eyes closed down. It was amazing that I fell asleep again after sleeping for a long time.

I closed my eyes. I belatedly heard the sound of Yeon Woojeong leaving.

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There was a closed-door before my eyes. I heard the sound of water, and it was dark around me. Even though the light was off, strangely, the doorknob was vivid in my eyes. A scene that I had seen somewhere.

I reached out to the doorknob, but I couldn’t grab it. While I was hesitating, reaching out, and withdrawing my hand, the door opened all of a sudden.

Yeon Woojeong came out from inside. Water dropped down from the wet hair, and those drops flowed down his chest and seemed to accumulate in the navel, and then dropped down to the floor.

Straight shoulders, collarbone with a shadow cast on it, pink nipples on firm chest, abdomen with muscle lines drawn, and white towels underneath… Feet with clear blue veins.

My lips trembled. As I moved my fingers, I heard a popping sound from the bones. My head was hot. I grabbed Yeon Woojeong’s wrist as he tried to walk past me. He leaned his head to the side and slowly scanned me. His wrist easily escaped my hand. I tried to catch him again, but my body didn’t move.

I turned my head and chased after Yeon Woojeong. Yeon Woojeong slowly walked to the sofa. There was a woman laying down on the sofa. Who was that?

Yeon Woojeong lay on top of the woman’s body and took off the towel underneath. I quickly looked away, but his movement was caught in my visual field. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t.

A sweet scent permeated my nose. The scent I smelled last time. I suddenly got angry. As I turned my eyes in a flash, I saw the woman’s hair. But something was strange. Her skin was exceptionally pale, and I couldn’t see her eyes and lips. It was like a mannequin… A mannequin. The woman was a mannequin.

Yeon Woojeong buried his body into the mannequin. Something that raged up subsided. The sound of swallowing saliva was exceptionally loud. My hands froze. I instinctively knew what he was trying to do. 

He moved like a sly snake. When his body overlapped on a bloodless mannequin, his body looked lively as if it had attracted all colors. Stunned, I watched the movement of the waist that softly made a curve. The prominent spine and the muscles that wriggled on it. Even the dead mannequin seemed to be moving and alive because it was under him. 

Time stopped, and it looked like only Yeon Woojeong moved. He lifted his head. Our eyes met. The sclera was exposed under the black pupils. Eyes that were ghastly, but I couldn’t help but look at them over and over again.

Yeon Woojeong smiled with his teeth showing. My nape turned stiff, and my forearms were numb.

I wanted to destroy the mannequin under him and erase Yeon Woojeong’s smile. I folded my fingers one by one. The moment my fists were completely clenched, something felt like it exploded, and a raging excitement crept over my skin. When I took a step, I fell under my feet.

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When I opened my eyes in surprise, there was Yeon Woojeong in front of me. I was out of breath. The sensation when I fell was vivid, but now I was on top of the bed. I couldn’t be sure which one was the dream, so I quickly looked around. The air felt against my skin taught me that this one was the reality.

Yeon Woojeong’s hand approached me. The moment his hand touched my forehead, I unwittingly slapped it away—that even a sound rang.

For a moment, there was a heavy silence. Ah. I didn’t do that on purpose. Did I offend him? I examined his expression. Yeon Woojeong raised his brows and put his hand on my forehead again. I was perspiring cold sweat. It was as if there was static electricity in my waist, but this time I endured his touch.

“Your fever has subsided… Did you have a dream?”

I immediately shook my head. Even though I denied it, his gaze didn’t leave me. I then realized that my body and between my legs were wet. Fortunately, my legs were covered by a blanket. Yeon Woojeong’s gaze slid down. He looked at my hands that were grabbing the blanket tightly. When I relaxed my hands, the gaze soon left.

“I bought dinner. Let’s eat.”

“… Yeah, I’ll take a shower first.”

“Okay.”

Yeon Woojeong got up from the bed. I had to follow him and get up, but I couldn’t move in case he found out.

“Do you want me to carry you down?”

“Are you insane?”

He smiled and then went down as I stuck out my head. I lifted the blanket after Yeon Woojeong completely went down. Fortunately, nothing was stained, but it was bulging under. 

My head turned blank. Why on earth did I have that kind of dream, and what is this…

For now, I closed my eyes and crouched my body to calm down the sense below. This wasn’t the first time, but back then, I didn’t have any dreams. There was a possibility that I couldn’t remember it, but I had never had such a vivid dream before. Furthermore, I never thought that I would dream of Yeon Woojeong. Fortunately, the bottom slowly calmed down, contrary to the concern of what if this condition continued.

After checking my pants, I took underwear and clothes from the closet. I slowly walked downstairs. I heard sounds from the kitchen, and my heart throbbed while I walked. What if he finds out? Will this let out any smell?

When I moved past the kitchen, Yeon Woojeong’s gaze crossed me. I sighed as soon as I entered the bathroom as if running away.

Even if he found out, it was impossible for him to know about my dream. And most importantly, I shouldn’t get caught that I dreamed about him. Thus, I had to act naturally. I calmed down my breath by closing my eyes and I took off my clothes.

The wet underwear was disastrous. Why did I dream such a strange dream? That was a dirty dream. Even though that was a silly dream… Yeon Woojeong shall never know about it. He will think I’m weird. He will look at me with disdain.

I washed my underwear strongly as if I was tearing the cloth and then washed myself with lukewarm water. The water drops stung everywhere, and when I looked in the mirror, my face was a mess. But it was better than I thought. I could see well in front of me, and maybe because I got hit on the head more than my face, there would be no problem if the bruise and the wound around my mouth healed.

Lee Sugeol. That bastard is probably a lot more messed up than my face. I didn’t feel relieved even though I thought like that, but I tried to erase it from my mind.

I felt refreshed after washing my body. I rolled up my washed clothes and underwear, held them in my arms, and left the bathroom. Yeon Woojeong was filling the table with slow movements. I quickly entered the laundry room, spread the underwear, and put the clothes into the basket, then I left the room.

Yeon Woojeong’s presence filling the kitchen intimidated me. The tendon of the wrist that put the bowl down on the table was clear. I suddenly realized that my heart was beating impatiently while looking through the line of the nape that appeared every time he moved, soft disheveled hair, and lips that looked exceptionally red.

“Sit.”

Yeon Woojeong’s face, which smiled obliquely in my dream, overlapped over his current face. I was ticklish somewhere in my body. Digging my nails into my palm, I took a seat. It was really an unpleasant and weird dream. I was sick in my head for sure because I was hit by Lee Sugeol.

There were finely cut side dishes on the table. There was porridge in front of me and him. Yeon Woojeong soon sat across from me.

Eating a spoon of the porridge, I opened my eyes wide and stared at Yeon Woojeong. The porridge was lukewarm, so it was easy to swallow it down. He wasn’t particularly different from the usual. He wouldn’t know what I do in my sleep. I felt relieved as I thought that.

“Why are you…”

“…”

“Staring at me so passionately?”

Our eyes met as Yeon Woojeong put down his chopstick and suddenly raised his eyes. I straightened my back and squared up my shoulders.

“What are you talking about? I’ve never done that.”

“You always deny firmly.”

… So annoying.

I nonchalantly stared at Yeon Woojeong eating, but then because of the strong feeling of an empty stomach, I moved my chopsticks. All the side dishes were tasty. Tasty enough that I even could get an appetite even though I was beaten like this.

I was chewing a spoonful of porridge and a side dish, and I felt a gaze. When I looked at Yeon Woojeong, he smirked.

“When I look at you eating, I feel like I have to eat more too.”

“… You?”

He feels he has to eat more because of me when he has been eating a little every day? Even dogs would laugh at that.

“Ever since you came… I also feel like I sleep better.”

Yeon Woojeong slightly tilted his head and lowered his gaze. What did he mean by that? I waited for the next words, but it seemed like that was the end.

Suddenly, my eyes went down his face. I realized that his figure that I saw in my dream was the same as Yeon Woojeong’s figure drenched in water that I saw that night. It was a dream, but he in my dream wasn’t different from him in reality.

My ears pounded. I hung my head and continuously put the porridge in my mouth. As I focused on the food taste, trying to not look at Yeon Woojeong consciously, the strange thoughts began to dissolve slowly.

There was only the sound of spoons moving in the kitchen because I ate the porridge in silence, and Yeon Woojeong didn’t initiate any conversation. When I had emptied my bowl, Yeon Woojeong also put down his spoon. He ate a bit more than half a bowl.

“Stay there.”

I was about to stand up to follow him, but I sat back as I heard his words. Yeon Woojeong began to put away the dishes on the table. I stared at his movement, which was slow but without unnecessary movement. The back that often came into my view was quite wide. I looked down as I looked at the line narrowing from the shoulder to the waist and near the protruding shoulder blade.

He was not very skinny compared to what he ate. Rather, he looked like he worked out…

I closed my eyes, trying to block my thoughts and my sight. It seemed like I had a slight fever. That must be why my thoughts were messed up.

I was concentrating on only breathing slowly, but suddenly the noise stopped. When I opened my eyes, I saw a cake. A round, white cake the size of a fist, topped with a strawberry in the middle.

When I was young, I always drew a cake like that whenever I drew. I didn’t know why, but to me, a cake was a cream cake with strawberries. When I looked up, Yeon Woojeong smiled while sticking a candle on the cake. Then he lit it up with a lighter. 

“We should make up the atmosphere.”

The candlelight swayed. Yeon Woojeong, who was across the small light, was just like an illusion.

“Make your wish, little match boy.”

If all of this was an illusion, it would be the biggest misfortune in my life, but it would also be an illusion that I would never taste again because it was the most colorful.

A thing like a wish would never come true, but still, if I had to make a little wish… if I was allowed to make a wish…

I wanted to stay in this place a little longer.

I blew off the candle. A long smoke rose from the blown-out candle.

“What kind of wish did you make?”

“I didn’t make any wish.”

Yeon Woojeong’s smile deepened as if he saw through my lie. But he didn’t ask about it. The faint smell of the candle was sad.