CH 6.8

Yeon Woojeong put the can on the table, then he lay down using my thigh as a pillow. When I got tense, he shifted.

“Why are you laying down as you please?”

Despite my complaint, Yeon Woojeong looked up at me with a calm face. Still, he gave no answer. When my anger was about to rise, Yeon Woojeong reached out his hand. His finger approached my eye. When I shut my eyes tight because of the hand that seemed wouldn’t stop, his finger brushed my eyelashes and then left.

When our eyes met, Yeon Woojeong closed his eyes and smiled. I rubbed my left eye that Yeon Woojeong touched.

I counted his dark eyelashes with my eyes. I also wanted to touch them, but I couldn’t. It frustrated me that he could touch me as he pleased yet I couldn’t.

His hair felt like tickling my thigh. My legs kept getting tense, but Yeon Woojeong didn’t change his expression as if he felt nothing. His breath gradually slowed down. The white face gradually turned soft. He fell asleep easily.

I quietly stared down at him while being unable to do anything but then I reached out my hand to his neck. When I pulled down the collar of the black turtleneck, I saw the trace I left. It had turned faint somehow. I felt thirsty.

I wanted to bite this place again. I wanted to take off the clothes covering him, and then lick, bite, and suck the white skin again.

I tried to imagine spreading the legs that were covered under black pants. If I push myself blindly on him, who was sleeping, does that count as rape too? If so, then I wanted to rape Yeon Woojeong.

However, because Yeon Woojeong, who slept on my lap, looked so peaceful, and because I didn’t want to ruin this moment…

I slowly relaxed myself. I wanted to store this moment forever. If only I could do that, I felt I could give up on everything, whatever it is.

***

There was news about snow coming, and it really snowed. There was only news about snow coming this winter, but it never snowed in Seoul, so this was the first snow I saw in a while.

The snow wasn’t piling up. The sky was cloudy, but it didn’t feel gloomy. It wasn’t bad to see the snow falling from inside a warm house. Though it wasn’t surprising, this was a luxury time. 

I brought my hand to the window, but I felt like I would leave prints, so I took my hand off and wiped the window with my sleeve. I blew my breath on the transparent window. I drew two circles up and down on the steaming part. Real snow out of the window passed through the hollow snowman.

“What are you doing?”

I looked back at the sleepy voice that suddenly rang. Yeon Woojeong came closer rubbing his eyes as if he had just woken up. 

“It’s snowing?”

He touched the window with his right hand. His thumb touched the top of the snowman I drew. Yeon Woojeong suddenly turned his head and smiled.

“Shall we go out?”

As I only blinked my eyes, unable to answer the sudden question, he scanned me.

“I’m the only one who needs to wash up.”

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere.”

Anywhere. My feet throbbed at the undecided answer. Yeon Woojeong entered the bathroom to wash up, and I went to the second floor and opened the closet.

Among the clothes I’ve never worn, I took out a sweater embroidered with snowflakes and wore it. Then after wearing a coat, I sat on the sofa. It was half-past one. I was waiting quietly, and Yeon Woojeong came out of the bathroom. He flinched and looked at me with a face holding back a smile.

“Where are you going to dress up?”

There he goes again. As I looked away, ignoring him, there were giggles at each step he took.

I heard the sound of the closet being opened. I suddenly realized that this was the first time I went out together with Yeon Woojeong on a day off.

Yeon Woojeong came out not long after. He was dressed in a dark purple coat, with a black turtleneck knit and trousers. If the formal clothes he usually wore fitted his body and gave intimidation, the clothes he wore now were loose and comfy. Also, he certainly looked younger than he was on weekdays because he didn’t style his hair. Even so, the cold atmosphere he gave off stayed the same.

“Shall we go?”

I came to my senses at that question. I followed Yeon Woojeong, who left the house first.

He started the car, touched things here and there, and then drove off.

“Tell me if you’re cold.”

The chair warmed me up despite the heater not turning on. I also hated if the air was stuffy, and because the clothes were warm, the chilly air wasn’t bad.

The wipers removed the snow from the car window. Looking at the remaining snow out of reach of the wipers, I asked what came to mind.

“Are you not hungry?”

“Ah, yeah. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah.”

“Lunch too?”

“I had brunch.”

On weekends, I followed Yeon Woojeong to be more relaxed. He would stay in his room even though I got up early anyway, so I dawdled on my bed for nothing. Eating only two meals in a well-off environment where I can eat three meals is really a luxury.

“Tell me if you’re hungry. We’ll stop by the rest area.”

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“Sea sightseeing.”

Sea? I only ever went to sea on a trip when I was very young. I couldn’t remember clearly now.

“You don’t want to?”

“No. But are we going to the sea in winter?”

“Looking at the sea in winter is fine.”

“When have you been there?”

“Erm, it’s been quite a while. I guess the last time I went there was when I was 20 something because my friends asked me to go.”

“Seems like you do really have friends.”

“What? Do you think my personality is really that bad?”

Yeon Woojeong let out a vain laugh, but I didn’t answer his question and looked outside the window. The car soon got on the highway. He turned on the radio. There was a song played out from the radio. It was music without lyrics.

“What is this?”

“I think it’s a violin.”

He tapped his fingers following the music. The atmosphere changed as the sound, which seemed to flow calmly at first, accelerated.

“How about we go to see a performance next time?”

“What kind of performance?”

“Violin. Orchestra or piano is also good.”

“Is it fun?”

“Some are fun, and some are boring.”

“I bet it’s boring without even seeing it.”

“I don’t think so. You have to see, hear, and experience it many times to find out your taste. Who knows? Maybe you’ll want to be a pianist after seeing a performance.”

“… Me?”

“Yeah. You have beautiful hands.”

What does the shape of hands have to do with playing the piano? I looked at my hands. They were only normal. Wouldn’t it have been better if they were thick and rough? But when I remembered that kind of hands I knew of, I didn’t want my hands to be like that.

I turned my eyes, looking at Yeon Woojeong’s hands holding the steering wheel lightly. Big hands and slender long fingers. The fingernails were clean and the tendons on the back of the hand were not rough. They weren’t delicate to play the piano, but if there were any gripping or swinging instruments, I thought it would suit him.

“Mr. Yeon… what are you proficient at?”

“I? Study.”

I had nothing to say somehow. I turned my gaze to the scenery outside the window that was passing by quickly, and then he said.

“I wasn’t good at it at first.”

“Then?”

“I worked hard till I bled. As mentioned, having nosebleeds.”

“Why did you study that hard? To be a prosecutor?”

“To be anything.”

Anything. That word sounded boundless, and Yeon Woojeong, who achieved a good place among that ‘anything,’ looked amazing. I probably couldn’t be anything. I had no confidence to do like Yeon Woojeong. I also didn’t know if I was allowed to do that. For now, the priority is to make money, but I couldn’t work as a convenience store part-timer forever.