CH 9.3

I also felt unhappy when I saw Yeon Woojeong with that CEO, but this felt strangely different from that time. What should I call this? That man is a man, and he is old. He helped Yeon Woojeong. Just like what Yeon Woojeong means to me, even if that man means the same to Yeon Woojeong, there’s nothing I can do about it.

Then what about that woman? Did that woman also help Yeon Woojeong? What’s their relationship? Just something like family?

Yeon Woojeong, who buried his face between the spread legs, suddenly came to mind, and my head throbbed. I pressed my temple. I felt burning inside, so I drank a glass of water in the kitchen, but even so, the pain in my chest didn’t subside.

No, I must be wrong. I’m just thinking too far.

Despite thinking so, the woman’s face didn’t leave my mind. She looked older than Yeon Woojeong. She also exuded the same relaxed atmosphere as that man. The clothes she wore also looked luxurious… That reminds me, the woman I saw on the bed also…

My head hurt.

I took out a cookie from the box and ate it. Even though it was sweet, my mood didn’t get better. I checked the time. Where did Yeon Woojeong go with that woman? When will he come?

Yeon Woojeong had more friends than I thought, and there were many women around him, and he was friendly. I spread my fingers, trying to calculate the age difference between him and me, but I stopped. Come to think of it, I didn’t even properly know his age. I should ask when he comes.

After eating a sandwich, I opened the refrigerator to put the rest inside. I belatedly realized it was stuffed inside. What is this? The plates I had never seen in this house were filled with side dishes. There weren’t only side dishes, but there was also some food like galbijjim as well, and I got a hunch that the woman brought them.

Did she enter this house? I looked inside the refrigerator for a while, and then it buzzed, so I closed the door, and put the sandwich on the table. I went back to the sofa and sat there. This wasn’t our house, but Yeon Woojeong’s house.

Unpleasant thoughts kept coming to mind. I tried hard to read Yeon Woojeong’s face as he smiled when he saw that woman, but then I closed my eyes. 

I felt like I would cause trouble if I stayed like this, so I opened the puzzle book after a long time. It’s better to just ask. Don’t say anything weird, and just ask. I made up my mind, then I picked up the pencil and solved the puzzle. As I focused on the numbers, the thoughts that scattered in my mind somewhat subsided.

I looked at my watch occasionally while solving the puzzle. Yeon Woojeong was late. Though it seemed like he got off work early.

I shook my head. The paper looked like it would tear because I grabbed the pencil strongly. I relaxed myself and looked at the numbers again.

The time went by. It was after solving three difficult puzzles. I heard the door being opened. I jumped to my feet and walked to the entrance.

Yeon Woojeong, who walked after taking off his shoes, had his hair down. He didn’t look like this when I saw him in the café. It was as if he came after washing himself.

“Hi.”

Yeon Woojeong smiled and walked inside. I recalled the night when he exuded the smell of liquor and perfume at the same time. It was like a nightmare.

I grabbed his collar and shoved my nose to his neck. There was a faint smell. A smell different from him.

“Did you sleep?”

Yeon Woojeong only blinked his eyes, looking clueless about the question I blurted out groundlessly.

“Huh?”

“I’m asking if you slept.”

He did say he wouldn’t marry, but he never said he wouldn’t do the other things. Yeon Woojeong is the only one for me, but I’m only one of the many people for Yeon Woojeong.

I didn’t hear his answer. I also didn’t want to hear it. I pulled him just like that and bit his lips.

I pushed my tongue inside his mouth roughly. Yeon Woojeong tried to push my shoulders, so I grabbed his waist with my remaining hand. I pushed Yeon Woojeong to the wall. I kept chasing after him, who tried to pull back his head, and bit his lips strongly. I did entangle the escaping tongue, but it wasn’t easy.

Yeon Woojeong’s hands that tried to push me began to get stronger. He and I stumbled back and forth as I pushed him back after being pushed by his force. The more he pushed me away, the hotter my head became. 

Our lips stuck somehow. Even at this moment, he tasted sweet. I wanted to know this fact alone. I wanted to be the only one to possess him. However, I couldn’t achieve that. I couldn’t do that. I—I really hated that.

The roughly rubbing lips stung. I wanted to swallow the tongue that ran away from me. Yeon Woojeong strongly grabbed my shoulder. I twisted my head, interlocking our lips deeper, but he strongly pushed my chest with his other hand, so I ended up separated from him.

“What the heck?”

Yeon Woojeong squinted his eyes and licked the bleeding lips. There was a rush of breath.

He looked at me with a crumpled face. Feeling his eyes scanning my face, I stopped my rough breath.

“Did something happen?”

He then asked with a softer face. Even though I was looking at Yeon Woojeong, who didn’t get angry even though I suddenly pounced on him, the foul mood didn’t get any better. I imagined myself grabbing Yeon Woojeong’s neck and biting his lips again, but then I asked,

“Who’s that woman?”

“…”

“Did you sleep with her?”

Yeon Woojeong furrowed his brows and looked sideways as though he was thinking about something. I couldn’t bear his gaze leaving me. Yeon Woojeong who screws around with that woman, Yeon Woojeong who loves and adores that woman. It infuriated me thinking about it.

“I will kill her.”

Even though the blurted-out words were more of an annoyance than of resolution, Yeon Woojeong’s face turned expressionless. I knew I had crossed the line, but I didn’t want to take it back. That was always the problem with me.

In the quiet atmosphere that I even wrongly heard the sound of his blinking eyes, Yeon Woojeong opened his mouth sluggishly.

“If you kill her.”

“…”

“What about afterward?”

Yeon Woojeong asked me something I had never thought about. I never thought about something like ‘the next.’ It was only a thought after all.

… Was it really only a thought?

“What will you do? Will you say you killed her because she deserved to die? Or will you say you didn’t mean to kill her?”

“…”

“Then after that.”

Yeon Woojeong didn’t continue his words, and I had no idea what exactly he was trying to say. He only looked at me with a blank face.

My head turned cold. It wasn’t because I realized my fault.

Was the reason he put on a straight face because I said something bad? Or was it because the one I wanted to kill was that woman?

Yeon Woojeong heaved a sigh.

“Cool off your head. And think carefully about why you shouldn’t do that.”

He walked past me. He opened the door to his room, but then he stopped before entering.

“I worked out. And I haven’t slept with anyone else since I slept with you.”

Yeon Woojeong walked in, but he didn’t close the door. I looked at him taking off his coat from behind. He didn’t give me a glance until he entered the bathroom.

I said I would kill her, but it didn’t mean I would really kill her. Couldn’t I just say it out loud? Or was it because that woman was important to him? Maybe… he saw through me. I might really be that kind of person. How easy would it be for words to become actions?

This was the first time Yeon Woojeong didn’t smile at me after such a thing happened. He might be disappointed in me for real this time.

But I didn’t really want to apologize. It was because I didn’t hear the answer I wanted. What I was curious about was not whether Yeon Woojeong slept with that woman or not. Did Yeon Woojeong like that woman; that was what I wanted to ask.

My chest felt stuffy. It felt like a very very heavy stone pressed on my chest.

I went upstairs, sat on the bed, and gave it a thought. I wondered if I thought too far, but no. Yeon Woojeong never looked at other people like that. I got annoyed. Not only to that man but also to that woman.

I didn’t get greedy. It was a waste of time and power to spend on it, knowing that I couldn’t have it even if I were greedy. I know that I can’t have Yeon Woojeong, but why do I want to utterly have him?

I stared at the stairs that no one climbed up. I felt thirsty. Why do I only feel so much lacking now, even though I was born without anything? Nothing could I grab even though I clenched my hand.