CH 9.4

“Jiho, is something wrong?”

I realized I was spacing out at Seo Jihee’s question. When I turned my head, she examined me as if she was worried.

“No.”

“You’re not sick anywhere, right?”

“Yes. I’m not sick.”

“I’m glad then. Should I buy you some chocolate?”

“It’s fine.”

Did I look that bad? I tried to relax my expression, but I forgot how to make my face look the same as usual. Still, I was glad that I didn’t burden Seo Jihee even though I spaced out while working.

“What do you do when you don’t feel good, Jiho?”

“… I don’t do anything.”

“Is that so? I will sleep or take a walk. I often feel it is nothing once I wake up, and I also feel better after taking a walk.”

Listening to what Seo Jihee said, I recalled what Yeon Woojeong taught me. About getting on the bus, going somewhere, then coming back. It was effective to empty my head, but if I did that now, I felt I would remember Yeon Woojeong, so I didn’t want to do it.

I need to see Yeon Woojeong’s face today. What should I do? I felt like I would get angry if Yeon Woojeong treated me nonchalantly with a smile, yet it would be hard if he looked away from me like yesterday. I still haven’t organized my thoughts, and I knew it was wrong to say I want to kill, but I didn’t want to apologize. Is this also standing on a petty pride?

“There is a lot of delicious discarded food today. Would you like to take some?”

Seo Jihee asked when it was almost time to leave work. I nodded, and she put some kimbap and hamburger inside a plastic bag.

“I chose the most delicious among those I’ve tried.”

“Thank you.”

“Enjoy the food and take a good rest!”

When I looked at her smiling widely, I suddenly wanted to talk about it. It seemed like my chest would feel a bit lighter if I did that. However, I couldn’t talk about Yeon Woojeong.

“I had a fight with my friend.”

In the end, the words I blurted out were cut off from the details. Seo Jihee opened her eyes wide, then she turned her head and covered her mouth with her fist. It was clearly an expression holding back a smile. She faked a cough a few times, playing the innocence, then opened her mouth.

“Were you the one at fault, Jiho? Then apologize. Is there anyone who won’t accept your apology?”

The problem was that I didn’t want to apologize. Yeon Woojeong only answered no to my question whether he slept, and he didn’t give any other explanation. But it didn’t mean I didn’t believe him. It was just… my mind and feelings kept acting as they wished.

I got angry that it seemed like I was the only one being like this when Yeon Woojeong felt nothing about this.

“If you weren’t the one at fault, then forgive them for once. What can you do? The one with a big heart should be understanding.”

Seo Jihee playfully wrinkled her nose and thumbed up. She couldn’t be of any help, but I nodded.

I returned home once it was time to leave work. After eating a roll of kimbap and a hamburger, I went outside and walked around the officetel. It was cold. I zipped the padding jacket up to my neck.

I couldn’t stay sour like this forever, could I? Even if I said something bad, Yeon Woojeong always smiled at me first. Thinking about it, this time I should… But if something like this happens again next time, can we just brush it aside? 

“And I haven’t slept with anyone else since I slept with you.”

Does it mean it will stay like that from now on? If so…

I felt a little better. It seemed like walking certainly worked.

I went back home, took a shower, then sat on the sofa. I turned on the TV, waiting for Yeon Woojeong to get home, but he didn’t get home even though it was near 10 o’clock. Will he be late again today? I was thinking, but then there was a call. Obviously, it was a call from Yeon Woojeong.

As I accepted the call and said nothing, I heard Yeon Woojeong’s voice.

—What are you doing?

“I’m just sitting.”

—I see. Today… I don’t think I can get home.

He can’t get home?

My heart dropped in an instant. My mind turned ugly as I thought that he might be avoiding me.

“The time is a bit weird. There’s work… Don’t think of anything bad. It really is because of work.”

Yeon Woojeong’s voice was soft, but I couldn’t forget his straight face looking at me yesterday. It upsetted me more that he stressed it was because of work.

—Don’t wait for me and sleep early. Did you eat dinner?

“… Yeah.”

—I see.

I heard a voice calling for Yeon Woojeong over the phone. Yeon Woojeong then said goodbye and ended the call.

I tossed the phone on the sofa, then I laid down just like that. It didn’t look like he was lying. The surrounding sounds were chaos. But I couldn’t erase the feeling that I kept being pushed behind. I wanted to open his head if I could. I was curious how petty I was inside.

I covered my face with my arms. It was stuffy to breathe, but this position was better to block the light.

I wanted to see Yeon Woojeong. I couldn’t win against him. This wasn’t a fight about winning or losing, anyway.

.

.

.

It was a long day. This was the first time the time didn’t move like this. The time didn’t move even when I was working, so it was natural the time didn’t move even more after work. I had dinner roughly, then I sat blankly, waiting for the time to advance. However, even when it got to 8 o’clock as I waited like that, Yeon Woojeong didn’t come.

It wasn’t something new. He always looked busy, and he was a man who did such work.

But I couldn’t sit and wait any longer. I changed my clothes, then I got on the bus. I don’t know how many times I’ve been to the prosecutors’ office already.

Even though it was already past the time to leave work, there were still a lot of places with lights on in the prosecutors’ office building. I don’t know if it’s against the law to work overtime every day.

I put my hands inside the pockets and looked up at the building. I did come here, but it felt somewhat heavy to call him this time. Why does this kind of thing keep happening? It felt like Yeon Woojeong and I fought often.

“Jiho?”

I turned my head to the sudden call, and a woman in formal attire walked to me. It was Kim Jiyeon, an administrator.

“Hello.”

“Hi! Long time no see. What brings you here? Did you come to see Prosecutor Yeon?”

“…”

“Have you called him? He might be unable to answer your call. Let’s go in first. It’s cold.”

Even before I could say anything, she pushed my back. I had no other choice but to enter the office.

“Did you eat dinner?”

“Yes.”

“We also just ate.”

“… Are you very busy?”

“Phew, mhm. I don’t know if I can get home. Prosecutor Yeon stayed up all night yesterday.”

“Is there a place to sleep here?”

“There is. Though it’s uncomfortable.”

My feelings softened a bit after hearing what Kim Jiyeon said. His voice on call did indeed sound tired.

My steps got slower as I arrived before his office room. My heart pounded. I didn’t know why my heart was beating like this. I expected to see Yeon Woojeong’s face as the door opened, but his seat was empty.

“Oh, it seems like Prosecutor Yeon went out for a moment. Would you like to drink something while waiting?”

“It’s fine.”

“Alright. Make yourself at home.”

Kim Jiyeon immediately went to her table. I looked at the tables piled up with documents, then I entered the break room. I sat on the sofa and pressed my feet on the floor. Did Yeon Woojeong sleep on this sofa? It was soft, but it was narrow for sleep.

Not long after, I heard Yeon Woojeong’s voice along with the sound of the door. I looked behind. He was on the phone and immediately sat on his chair. His voice somehow sounded sharp, but his speech and tone was polite. He was also a bit stiff to end his word with ‘yes, sir.’

Then he, who ended the call, put down his phone on the table, loosened his necktie a bit, threw back his head, and closed his eyes. There was a ring and Kim Jiyeon answered the call. In the meantime, Yeon Woojeong opened his eyes, picked up his phone again, and brought it to his ear.