CH 12.3

Like Yeon Woojeong, who said he was terrified of me dying, I felt the same. I also felt terrified of him dying. This kind of thing might happen again someday. A normal person will never take a knife, no matter how angry they are.

Ah. I’m thinking too much. It’s not good to think too much.  

I closed my eyes and tried to empty my mind, but then I sat up. After pulling the blanket over to Yeon Woojeong’s neck, I got out of bed. I quietly left the bedroom and entered the book room. As soon as I turned on the light, the ticket on the table caught my eye.

[happily ever after]

I took the ticket and read the sentence. Happily ever after. Happily…… Ever after.

I put down the ticket and looked at the bookshelf. I pulled out the copy of the first volume of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, which I had taken out and put back several times. 

I should leave this house after I read all ten volumes.

The thoughts I had for a brief moment one day came to mind strongly. My head turned heavy. Massaging my forehead, I sat on the chair and opened the book. Strangely, the first sentence that I had never been able to read, easily entered my eyes.

I was lost in the book. I kept reading the story. A lot of people died and failed. Even for those who succeeded, there was an end. It was futile.

There were a lot of difficult words and a lot of annoying people, but it was fun. I couldn’t help but know why Yeon Woojeong had fun reading it.

“Kim Jiho?”

I heard a voice calling for me outside. I looked up and the footsteps were getting closer. Pushing open the slightly ajar door, Yeon Woojeong walked in. 

“What is it? You didn’t sleep?”

“Hmm. I read this because I couldn’t sleep, but it was hard to stop.”

Yeon Woojeong let out a vain laugh. He walked over and bent down on his knees. He stroked my eye.

“Still, you should have slept first. Your eyes are puffy.”

“This is the last, so I’ll finish this first.”

“Okay. You’ll sleep all day, then today.”

I glanced at Yeon Woojeong’s hand as he scanned the books piled up next to me. My head was throbbing and my eyes were tired.

He caressed my head.

“How are you feeling?”

“Just fine.”

“Go sleep after you finish this one.”

Yeon Woojeong kissed my forehead and stood up. The band-aid on his hand fluttered as it loosened off. I guessed it would be uncomfortable to keep it attached since it would be constantly folding. 

“So, which one do you like?”

“… Zhao Zilong.”

“Why?”

“He’s cool.”

“Is that so?”

“What about you?”

“I liked Cao Cao when I was your age.”

Actually, so did I. I liked Cao Cao the most as I read, but I felt reluctant to say I liked him because he was like a bad person, so I said the name of my second favorite character. So Yeon Woojeong thought the same. He was fiddling with the bookshelf, but then he asked. 

“Is there anything you want to eat? I’ll buy it when I get home.”

“Not at the moment.”

“I see. Let me know when you do.”

Yeon Woojeong left the room. I read the last volume as he showered and busily got ready. When he finished his preparation, I put down the book and went to the front door. He wore his shoes, then turned around.

“Kim Jiho.”

“Hmm.”

“Let’s move this week. I’m going to file for a restraining order against your father today, and you and I won’t see him anymore.”

“… Yeah.”

“I’ll be back. Sleep.”

He left. I stood at the front door for a while, then I returned to the book room. I picked up the book I had put down and read it again. 

Toward the back of the book, I flipped through it quickly, mostly reading the dialog only, so there were more words that didn’t make it into my head. It was a bad reading, but reading was reading anyway. The realization that I was reading for the sake of reading, not because I wanted to read, made my head spin for a moment. 

When I finally closed the last page, I felt both empty and elated. 

Conversely, my eyes and head felt heavy. It felt like my eyes were about to fall off. I closed my eyes and put my palms over them.

I thought about Yeon Woojeong and I. Yeon Woojeong without me. What Yeon Woojeong had to go through because of me, and what he has to go through in the future. How can I guarantee this won’t happen again? I put him through the embarrassment of meeting that man because of me, and he had to deal with everything that happened afterward. It would have been better if I had just left earlier.

The yellow album on the bookshelf caught my eye. I opened the last page of the album. I stared at the picture there, then I took it out.

I went to the bathroom and showered, then I went to the second floor and opened the closet. I took out the bag, checked the money inside, then I put the picture there. The clothes I wore when I first arrived at this house were in the innermost part of the closet. I took them out one by one, then I wore them. The tattered padding jacket looked exceptionally shabby.

There was a shopping bag on the floor of the closet. I took out the scarf inside the shopping bag. It was still soft and warm, but it was already late to wear a scarf this season.

I went downstairs and entered Yeon Woojeong’s bedroom. I left the scarf on the bed. My heart raced. I looked at the watch on my right wrist.

I stared at the numbers that ran wildly, then I took off the watch and put it on top of the scarf.

My eyes felt hot. I touched my empty wrist, then I went to the book room and took out the memo pad and a pen.

[Don’t worry.]

I tried to write as neatly as I could, but my handwriting was more jagged than Yeon Woojeong’s cursive writing. I added another sentence after hesitating for a moment.

[I will live well.]

I put down the pen, took the memo with me, and stuck it on the scarf. I kept the empty bedroom in my eyes for a long time. The space I invaded numerous times. The place I spent the night with him. I closed my eyes and turned around. I picked up the phone I left in the living room.

I dialed an eleven-digit number that I couldn’t forget even though I didn’t want to remember it. After a long beep, a gravelly voice came through. 

—Hello.

“It’s me.”

The man over the phone was silent. I wasn’t scared of this man anymore. He was no longer an enormous monster. Because I had another thing I was really scared of.

“I got kicked out. Thanks to you.”

—What?

“Listen. I will really kill you if you show up in front of me ever again.”

—…

“Don’t look for me anymore. You saw it, didn’t you? I learned it from you.”

Such a thing won’t happen. Now, even if that man appears before me again, I won’t rush forward to kill him. But a stern warning needed to be given. So that he would not hold Yeon Woojeong by the ankles. 

I ended the call. I blocked his number and turned the phone off completely. 

After letting out a breath, I put down the phone on the table. My pulse wasn’t shown on my wrist, so it felt empty and awkward.

I went to the front door. I saw my old shoes as I opened the shoe rack. I took them out and wore them, then I put the shoes I recently wore inside. Lastly, I turned around, capturing the view of the living room, then I opened the door and walked out.

The day was bright. The freezing cold season had passed. I walked slowly and left the officetel. I felt the bag rustling in my inside pocket. I put my hand in, and after tidying it well, I walked forward.

I reached the intersection and stopped in front of a crosswalk. When I was hit by the cold wind, it made me wonder if I had made a very impulsive decision.

What will you do? How would you live if you left like this? How will you live without…

On the first floor of the recently renovated building across the street, there were a few refined signs and banners hanging above it. 

[Leasing 

Welcoming hospitals/clinics

The opening of a large franchise café is confirmed]

The building wasn’t that high but big. So did the buildings around it. A car drove down the well-maintained road. The car behind honked at the car that didn’t start right away at the signal.

“All I learned is to steal, so what else can I do?”

The question I’d been trying to keep out of my mind jumped out and stabbed me. 

I cocked my head and looked up at the sky. A huge cloud drifted by and blocked the sun. The sun rays that permeated through the clouds were just like a picture.

I walked forward. This time, I didn’t hesitate anymore.