Chapter 156 - Finding Mother

AARYN

He'd intended to join Elreth for dinner. But by the time he and Reth returned from their walk, it was late, and he was near home. He hadn't been able to shake off the guilt about his mother, so he farewelled Reth and headed to the Tree House.

It seemed strange to knock on his own door, but he hoped Eadhye would answer and he could check on his mother without her knowing, if it was a bad idea for him to come in. He just wanted to know that she was okay—and wanted her to know that he cared.

But when Eadhy saw him at the door, she beamed and opened it wide. "I had planned to come looking for you in the morning!" she said brightly. "Come in and say hello, she's doing well today."

Aaryn stepped in cautiously to find his mother on the couch, sitting up, but with  blanket over her lap. She seemed genuinely pleased to see him, but also kept looking at Eadhye as if she wasn't sure whether to speak or not.

"How are you doing, Mom?" he asked quietly, hurrying over to sit with her on the couch. "I'm sorry I haven't been here, but Eadhye said—"

"No, no, don't apologize," she said quietly, turning to put a hand to his face and smile at him. "She was right. I needed… I needed some time to get my head on straight."

Aaryn waited, searching her eyes. "And… do you feel… better?"

She smiled again, but gave a shrug with one shoulder. "Some," she said.

He took her hand from his face and held it in both his own. It was cold, despite her being under the blanket. But she often was. He swallowed hard. "I'm… Mom, we're going to walk the Flames the night after tomorrow. Are… I'd really love it if you could be there, but if you can't, I want you to know, it's okay. I don't want to—"

"I'm going to be there, Aaryn. Eadhye told me, and I swore to myself… I swore… I'm going to be there. You might just have to put up with me being on the outskirts a little. I don't think I'm up to fighting in the Rite. But I want to be there to see you two bond. I'm so happy for you, Aaryn!" she said, her voice going high and reedy.

He pulled her into a hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

She shook her head. "No, don't. I'm just… I wish I could do more to help you both."

"The best thing you could do is get better, Mom."

She nodded and looked past him at Eadhye. "That's what Eadhye said, too. And I think… I think I'm going to try, okay. So just be patient with me. The herbs are helping, and I've been able to sleep at night for the past two days. That's a really important step forward."

He nodded and turned to look at Eadhye over his shoulder. She nodded, smiling too.

Aaryn took a deep breath of relief. "That's good, Mom. That's really good."

She didn't seem to know what to say after that and he made some small talk with Eadhye learning about what she'd done that week, and how her progress had been. But he couldn't stop noticing how frail his mother looked. How her smile died when she thought neither of them were looking at her. He wasn't sure if she'd just started smiling for him, to make him feel better. Or if she was doing it for Eadhye, too.

But after a few minutes, he could tell she was flagging. "Have you had dinner?" he asked her carefully.

She nodded. "Just some soup, but I've been able to eat every meal today, at least a little. That's important."

"Good, good," he said, the knot in his stomach loosening a hair. "That's good, Mom. So, I don't want to tire you out, okay? I need to find El—I just had a talk with her dad about the Rite. But I wanted to make sure you're okay, and… I just wanted to see you."

"I'm really glad you came over," she murmured, and touched his face again. "Can you come back tomorrow? I have something I want to give you before the ceremony."

"Sure, sure. Is there a better time of day?"

His mother looked at Eadhye who gave a brisk clap of her hands and started toward them. "This is actually a really good time—right before, or right after dinner is our best time of the day, I think. And tomorrow's going to be busy for you I'm sure. Why don't you drop  by after you've eaten?"

"Sure, I can do that," he said, wanting to do whatever would be best for her. But something about the look on her face, the desperate confusion and frailty—like she was about to crumple—just broke his heart. "Mom… Are you—"

"Don't you worry about me," she said firmly. "I've been through this before, you know that. And Eadhye's been a real help. You just… you just keep doing what you need to do, and you don't worry about me, okay?"

"Mom, I love you. Of course I'm going to worry about you."

She shook her head and sat up straighter. "No. I will be at the Rite, so you stop worrying. You go enjoy yourself and prepare and… and I'll be so happy to see you two bonded. So happy, Aaryn. And your father… your father would have been overjoyed."

Aaryn blinked. He didn't want to hear about his dad, didn't think it was good for her to talk about him. But he also didn't want to argue with her. So he swallowed his protests and said, "That's good to know. Thank you. Now, why don't you rest, and I'll come back tomorrow. And in the meantime if there's anything, Eadhye can send a messenger to find me, okay?"

"Okay, that's a good idea."

Eadhye had moved to stand behind her mother at the couch and she nodded. "You're a good son, Aaryn."

He shrugged and leaned in to hug his mother. "I love you, Mom,"

She clung to him tightly. "I love you, too, son," she murmured in his ear.

She was smiling again when he stood up, but his guilt had shifted into an uneasy feeling in his gut. He didn't know what was wrong, but something was. He could smell it on her.

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