CH 18

Love Until Death? 

Ying Ruoyun believes that a musician's death should be romantic.

He doesn't actually fear death.

He just felt a bit regretful.

He was ashamed towards Shu Jingzhi, yet he felt he had made the right choice.

If there were only six months of life left in an endless cycle, he should not be dragged along with him in such a torment.

If there were only six months left, Ying Ruoyun thought, they would be the happiest six months of his life.

At least he could still play music, and Shu Jingzhi still loved him.

Ying Ruoyun thought, no one can know about this.

He was going to apply for a master's degree at the Eastman School of Music and then go away to another country.

At the end of his life, he would send a letter to his parents, who were thousands of miles away, telling them that he was grateful and sorry.

He would send a letter to Shu Jingzhi, apologising sincerely, pouring out his love and thoughts to him and wishing him a happy life.

He would ask his close friend to have his body cremated and his ashes sprinkled in the sea.

While the ashes were being sprinkled, the violin piece 'Love's Joy' by Kreisler was to be played.

Just as he was making all the plans and going through the application process, he realised that his ID card and student card were missing.

The re-application process was too tedious, could it be, that they had been left at Shu Jingzhi's house?

Was it his residence at the University of the Arts, or his villa in the coastal district?

It should be the former.

In order to avoid an encounter, Ying Ruoyun deliberately picked a time close to midnight, and skilfully scaled the wall to enter the courtyard.

There was no light, so he was probably not there.

Ying Ruoyun was relieved, but at the same time felt inexplicably disappointed.

The door should have been locked, but Ying Ruoyun knew that the window by the side door was never locked.

Nine times out of ten, Ying Ruoyun had climbed through the window because he had often forgotten his key.

The moon shone brightly in the hall as he entered the house.

Just as Ying Ruoyun was about to proceed, he saw Shu Jingzhi's silhouette.

Shu Jingzhi was sitting at the piano, and the tune of 'Love's Sorrow' was playing.

I don't think he's seen me? Ying Ruoyun thought, is it too late to run?

Just as he was about to leave, Shu Jingzhi said, "Ruoyun, don't you want to finish listening to this piece?"

Since he had been recognised, Ying Ruoyun could only shamelessly say, "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't bother you again, but my ID and student card..."

"Shh," Shu Jingzhi interrupted him, "concentrate."

Ying Ruoyun then fell silent.

In all fairness, listening to Shu Jingzhi's playing was always a top-notch pleasure.

Ying Ruoyun tried to remember every moment so that he could revisit it again and again in the days to come.

When the song was over, Shu Jingzhi asked, "Are you going to New York?"

"Mmm."

"The Eastman School of Music."

"Yes."

"Ruoyun," Shu Jingzhi suddenly looked at him, "can you come closer to me?"

Ying Ruoyun felt a little choked up.

"I miss you very much." Shu Jingzhi said, "Missed you a lot."

If only it were possible, Ying Ruoyun thought, time would stand still in this moment.

"I previously thought that you were just angry with me." Shu Jingzhi frowned, "I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I really can't figure out why, why you decided to leave me."

"Because you're too good for me, I'm not good enough for you." Ying Ruoyun said, "It's me who likes the new and dislikes the old, it's me..."

"The person you like, who is it?"

Not expecting Shu Jingzhi to ask such a question, Ying Ruoyun waffled, "A girl from the Eastman School of Music."

"How about this, I'm willing to give in." Shu Jingzhi said, "As long as you promise not to leave me, I'll allow you to be with her."

Ying Ruoyun was shocked beyond words, was this something Shu Jingzhi could say?

"Senior, are you joking?"

"Ruoyun, I'm not joking. I love you, and I can't live without you." Shu Jingzhi's speech was slow, his gaze sad and deep: "If you have to be with her, I am not in a position to stop you. What I'm asking is simple: can you stay with me? New York or anywhere else, I can go with you."

Ying Ruoyun once heard that love has no bottom line.

Because you are the exception, all my bottom lines are null and void to you.

Tears came out almost uncontrollably, and Ying Ruoyun held back the overwhelming emotions: "I can't."

Unable to stay any longer, every breath he took felt like torture, and Ying Ruoyun intended to leave.

"Ying Ruoyun."

Ying Ruoyun stopped where he was.

Shu Jingzhi quietly approached and knelt down on one knee in front of him, "Yun Yun, please."

Ying Ruoyun could not believe that Shu Jingzhi, who was once so arrogant and indifferent and above the world, could actually do this.

A great sense of guilt and remorse overwhelmed him instantly, and as if fleeing, Ying Ruoyun stumbled and ran outside.

He was afraid that if he stayed one more second, he would not be able to stop himself from rushing up to him and kissing him and having crazy sex.

After running for an unknown amount of time, he was exhausted, and his eyes were swollen from crying.

Ying Ruoyun looked at the bright moon and thought to himself, 'Shu Jingzhi and I have come to an end tonight.'

He will hate me.

But I will always love him.

Every time he thought of this night, Ying Ruoyun would feel that it was the most painful memory of his life.

So much so that when they reunited two years later, he had deserved all the suffering he had endured.

Sometimes Ying Ruoyun wondered if he should not have taken the initiative to provoke Shu Jingzhi in the first place.

But just as he had commented when he and Shu Jingzhi had watched The Phantom of the Opera together.

The resonance of the soul is irrational and cannot be suppressed.

He did not regret meeting Shu Jingzhi, he did not regret falling in love with him.

The only thing he regrets is that he did not treat him better when they were together.

Shu Jingzhi had given him endless tolerance, tenderness and pampering, while he himself had only become more and more unrestrained because of this affection.

For example, in the matter of raising Xiao Bai, it was clear that he was the one who wanted to raise the cat, but when he really took it home, he was only responsible for playing with it.

For example, knowing that Shu Jingzhi has a cleanliness problem, he would always push the limits and ask him to build snowmen and play with mud.

For example, knowing that he was deeply in love with his partner, but always being stingy with his words and affection.

If he had the chance to live those two months again, he would tell Shu Jingzhi every day, every day.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

———

Why did you leave my life with such an attitude

Even if it's over, can you stay with me tonight

If tomorrow you’re no longer mine

Can you stay with me one last time

Baby, let me love you well, before we part

If tomorrow you’re no longer mine

Can you stay with me one last time

Baby, let me love you well, before we part

Baby, let me love you well, before we part

Baby, let me love you well, before we part