CH 18.1

In the silence that came after Ahjin left, Hwawoon blinked as he looked at the ceiling that was still high as ever. He remembered back himself prostrating before the emperor today, despite his effort to erase it. Now that he thought about it, he wondered if he had brazenly done nonsense.

At the same time, the feelings he felt at the moment he said that he wanted to be a loyal person to the emperor, came to mind clearly. A strong desire not to be hated by him, even though he knew that was impossible. Even though he clearly knew that it was something he shouldn’t wish for.

Hwawoon unknowingly expressed such greed the moment he stood in front of the emperor that he could only yearn for all this time.

But, who could know that even that wasn’t the whole truth? In fact, what Hwawoon really wanted, the thing that he hid so deep and deep inside so that he couldn’t think of it easily, that was,

I want to be loved…

Hwawoon recalled the feeling that was swallowing him entirely in his dream. The feeling that only yearned and desired for that very person’s love no matter what happened.

Whose feeling was that?

Hwawoon closed his eyes. He didn’t dare to guess that.

***

“You look like you didn’t have a good sleep…”

Eunuch Oh, who was helping the emperor dress as there was no concubine that served the emperor last night, commented with a worried face. The emperor, who closed his eyes while being served with a face clearly filled with fatigue, opened his eyes with a sharp look at the eunuch’s words and spoke bluntly.

“Was there any reason for me to not sleep well? I slept very comfortably.”

“…”

“There’s nothing to make me uncomfortable about.”

The eunuch actually had nothing more to say, but the emperor seemed like he wasn’t aware that he said something like that because he was uncomfortable in his heart. Eunuch Oh smiled for a while with his head down and finished up dressing the emperor.

“So…”

When the eunuch didn’t add anything else, Yihan, who had been closing his mouth tight for a while, soon faked coughs a couple of times and quietly opened his mouth again. However, the emperor only repeated “so… I mean, so…” as if he was trying to say something but was unable to bring it up.

In the meantime, Eunuch Oh, who already took care of the emperor’s clothing, stepped back and bowed, then continued to speak instead.

“There was no special news from Jeongan Palace, but Yeonbin suffered from nightmares all night long.”

The emperor’s movement stopped at that moment. The eunuch didn’t dare to look up at his face, but instead, his gaze caught the emperor’s fists repeatedly clenched and relaxed several times. Soon afterward, the emperor’s voice rang above his head.

“You got into the habit of talking about things that I never ask.”

“Forgive me, Your Majesty.”

“I’m not curious about Jeongan Palace even for an ounce.” 

“That’s right. This person was the one who said it as one pleased.” 

Just like a habit, Yihan glared at Eunuch Oh’s head. Strangely, Eunuch Oh’s voice sounded more hateful recently. Then, he moved his body.

He remembered a day when Yeonbin whined about crying and waking up after suffering from nightmares all night if the emperor didn’t come to him. That too was not a special excuse for Yihan.

Was it only nightmares? I have a fever; I can’t breathe properly; I can’t sleep because my body is cold all night; there had been too many things Yeonbin used to inflict Yihan’s worry. There were many things to do for him instead of worrying about all those fake illnesses.

Therefore, Yihan decided to ignore that news as always. He decided not to care.

The emperor didn’t want to rethink the fact that Yeonbin knelt down on a hard floor, his thin shoulders curled up in front of himself as he spoke like he was being sincere, or that he insulted and was harsh to Yeonbin in front of the courtiers.

As he said, the emperor had nothing to worry about yesterday’s event, and whether Yeonbin suffered from nightmares or was sick, he was not curious at all, and was not worried, so it had nothing to do with himself at all.