CH 43

Ahjin’s expression looking at her master, who asked back several times as if he had heard an unbelievable story, turned into a complicated one. This was because the memories of her master being ignored by the emperor countless times in the past remained intact.

At the same time, Ahjin was reminded of the emperor asking if she wanted him to save her from Yeonbin. From the emperor’s question, Ahjin could feel the emperor’s complicated feelings toward her master. When she first heard it, she was so confused that she couldn’t understand why His Majesty asked that all of a sudden, but as time passed, Ahjin could see what the emperor’s question really meant.

The Emperor was confused. Just like she was confused when she faced her master’s change at the start. Just like how she couldn’t believe it. Just as she was afraid of opening her heart to Hwawoon without realizing it, the Emperor must have been the same.

Therefore, the Emperor was no different from asking Ahjin such a question.

Can I believe in your master? Yeonbin, the one I thought would never change. Is it really fine for me to follow my heart to believe in him?

“Your Highness…”

Ahjin wrapped her hand around Hwawoon’s, who still couldn’t believe it. Her heart was hurt so much because of her master’s cold hand, but nevertheless, Ahjin kept smiling at this moment.

“It is true. His Majesty is worried about you…”

Even though he was pushed many times. Even though no one believed him easily. Even with all the ridicule and disregard for him in this imperial palace.

Her master strongly endured them, which led him to open her heart, open the hearts of the people of Jeongan Palace, and now he was reaching the emperor’s heart.

“So now… it will be better, Your Highness.”

Like I did, the day will come when His Majesty really believes in and cares for you. Ahjin was really sure of that.

***

“Your Majesty.”

Eunuch Oh spoke in a barely audible voice toward the emperor, who was closing his eyes and sitting in his chair. Since the emperor ordered it, he didn’t dare to not follow it, but inside he did not want to wake up the emperor, who had only been closing his eyes for a while.

However, the emperor woke up immediately to the voice of Eunuch Oh, which was so faint, as if he had not really fallen asleep. Even with a face full of fatigue, Yihan opened his mouth, showing no signs of blaming the eunuch.

“Go on…”

“… It is said that His Highness Yeonbin has come to his senses.”

At the same time the eunuch finished his words, Yihan rose from his seat. Yihan’s step, which seemed ready to run to Jeongan Palace, was blocked by Eunuch Oh.

“Your Majesty, although His Highness is said to have come to his senses, he is still unwell and according to Jeongan Palace, he lies down again right after taking the medicine, so why don’t you take a rest and visit him tomorrow?”

Yihan, who stopped walking at the eunuch’s words, asked after catching his breath for a moment. 

“Did they say he fell asleep?” 

“I don’t know that much, but he probably fell asleep because of the medicine.”

“Is that so…”

Yihan nodded but did not move his body or bring up anything else. He was lost in thought. Anyway, Yihan just wanted to know if Hwawoon woke up safely, and since he had heard the answer he wanted, there was no problem for him to feel at ease and go back. It really was.

Then, Yihan, who had been thinking for a while, said,

“I’m going to Jeongan Palace.”

“…”

“Just for a moment… I have to at least see his sleeping face, so I can have any excuses later.”

The emperor now made a false excuse that no one could find meaning like a habit. If he didn’t do so, he thought it would be too strange and embarrassing for him to go to Jeongan Palace now and insist on seeing Yeon Hwawoon with his own eyes.

When actually that wasn’t the reason.

When his intention wasn’t such insincerity as in the past when he visited Yeon Hwawoon under the pretense of calming down his bad temper that would make a fuss, whining, asking him the reason for not visiting him when he was sick.

As Yihan himself and Eunuch Oh couldn’t pretend to not hear the words he had said.

As Eunuch Oh realized that it was no longer possible for him to stop Yihan, he bowed.

“I’ll accompany you, Your Majesty.” 

Even though it was late at night and early in the morning, the moon was still in the sky. The emperor was only walking toward that moonlight.

***

In the bedroom, where Hwawoon asked not to turn off all the lights, he was sitting alone leaning on the headrest. Ahjin and others had already left because they thought he had already fallen asleep.

Hwawoon was staring at the swaying candlelight. He wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. After lying down all day without eating anything, it was difficult for him to think deeply with a body that had only taken gruel and medicine. He was only aware of himself being here as Yeon Hwawoon when actually he wasn’t Yeon Hwawoon. 

He thought it was inevitable. Didn’t he suddenly enter this body one day? This was not something he desired for. In addition, he was silently accepting responsibility for past things that he didn’t do, and he was trying to take responsibility for things that he was not responsible for. Hence, as Hawoon, he was just doing his best in the given situation. He wanted to think so.

However, whenever he did that, Hwawoon could hear a cry on one side of his heart. It was the cry of Yeon Hwawoon, who was crying sadly because no one recognized that he had lost his life.

Then, when Hwawoon closed his eyes tightly as his heart ached, he suddenly felt a presence from the door. Hwawoon, who hurriedly hid his dizzy expression because he thought Ahjin was coming to check on him, turned his head.

But it wasn’t Ahjin who stood there. It was not any courtier of Jeongan Palace who came to check on Hwawoon out of concern. The one who was standing with the moonlight on their back, the one who was looking at him with deep eyes like the deep sea.

“… Your Majesty?”

He was Hwawoon’s emperor. 

“Don’t move.”

The emperor’s heavy voice blocked Hwawoon from trying to pull back the blanket and rise up after being so surprised that he forgot to speak. Even though he thought in his head that he could not greet the Emperor while sitting, Hwawoon could not disobey the emperor’s order that bound him with a single word.

The emperor walked slowly approaching Hwawoon who dared not move. It was a very cautious step as if he was walking on a risky path, but he did not hesitate. While Hwawoon was crumpling the innocent blanket with his dry fingertips, wondering if he should just get up and greet him, the emperor had come right in front of him and sat on the bed facing him.

As Hwawoon looked down at his fingertips awkwardly at the least unexpected encounter, the Emperor soon opened his mouth.

“Are you okay now?” 

His voice was as soft as the wind in spring. It was different from the previous voice that he uttered sharply like ice in the middle of winter whenever they met. Hwawoon bowed his head, calming down his heart so that he wouldn’t burst into sorrow at his gentle and soft voice. 

“Yes, Your Majesty. I apologize for making you worry… annoyed with something trivial.”

He was going to apologize for worrying him, but he changed his words. This was because he wondered if he could really cause the emperor to worry. Yihan’s eyes shook for a moment when he heard that, but Hwawoon, who lowered his head, could not see that.

Silence roamed between the two again. Hwawoon thought that he should initiate the conversation this time, but he couldn’t think of what to say because of his heavy physical condition and his mind that had been dizzy until just now.

At that time, along with the rustling sound of the clothes, Hwawoon could see one of the emperor’s hands in his view moving up. Hwawoon’s gaze followed the emperor’s hand, and soon the emperor’s hand, which seemed to hesitate for a while in the air, covered Hwawoon’s forehead. The large palm covered not only the forehead but also Hwawoon’s eyes, and Hwawoon, surprised by the sudden touch, breathed in a hurry. The emperor then said.

“There’s no fever… but rather your body is cold.”

“I-I am fi… Your Majesty, I… I am fine…”

He didn’t know how many times he stuttered. The emperor’s hand only touched his forehead, but Hwawoon’s heart was beating so hard that his ears were ringing and he didn’t even know what he was talking about. While Hwawoon was struggling to catch his breath in order not to gasp unsightly in front of the emperor, the emperor, who put down his hands that covered Hwawoon’s forehead and eyes with a very slow movement, continued.

“I…” 

The wind blew and the candles swayed. The calm light and shadow swaying with the candles embroider the emperor’s face in chaos. And in a voice that sounded just as chaotic, the emperor said.

“I still don’t know you…”

“…”

“No matter how much I think about it, I don’t know…”