CH 57

“Ah…”

And Yihan once again remembered for what reason he came running into Jeongan Palace. However, when he was trying to say something, he suddenly felt at a loss at how he should say it to him. 

The courtiers have their hearts flutter because you roam around the palace with such a beautiful face, so stop doing that right away! 

Certainly, he couldn’t say that because of the emperor’s dignity. 

“Well…”

Yihan uncharacteristically hesitated. This was undeniably a rare occasion for the Emperor, who never hesitated to talk whenever and in front of whoever. In addition, Hwawoon, who was in front of him, clearly showed his will to hear what the Emperor had to say and kept it in his mind. Yihan’s face had already gotten hot at the will that hadn’t been said out loud. 

He couldn’t tell him to not wear the male concubine clothes anymore. He also couldn’t tell him to not act like a man when he actually was a man. Likewise, he couldn’t tell him to not show his face because his face became gossip among the courtiers. 

When he remembered the things he wanted to say but couldn’t one by one, Yihan wondered if he had gotten crazy. Whether he said it out loud or not, the fact that he had such thoughts and the fact that he came this far because he wanted to say that were ridiculous enough that it couldn’t be laughed at.

Besides, Hwawoon’s expression, which waited for what he wanted to say, gave Yihan enormous pressure to certainly say anything—even though Hwawoon had no such intention. For these reasons, Yihan opened his mouth like a man pushed off a cliff.

“From next week, the program to set up relief centers in each region to distribute grain and food to the hungry people will begin.”

As soon as the emperor’s voice came out, Eunuch Oh, who was standing at the door, raised his head in surprise and looked at the back of the emperor’s head. His surprised face at the unexpected remark was the same as Ahjin, who was standing across from him. This was because no one expected that to be uttered by the emperor, who had come all the way to Jeongan Palace at this time. 

That applied more to Eunuch Oh, who knew too well what Yihan felt while he hastened to this place. Of course, Eunuch Oh had no power to cut the Emperor or to correct his words. Yihan, who couldn’t help but go on despite knowing he had taken a wrong step, continued,

“Therefore… as I said last time, reduce your unnecessary expenses… and… you have to behave yourself…”

If he could, Yihan wanted to disappear from this place. He desperately wanted to get up and escape right away. His head was completely blank once he got flustered. It was such a wonder where his ability as the emperor to get through things properly in countless distressing situations ran away. Nothing came to his mind except the schedule of the relief program, which he coordinated with his ministers at this morning’s inquiry. 

I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have said I just stop by. Feeling that Eunuch Oh was laughing at him even though he knew that was impossible, Yihan couldn’t look at Hwawoon properly and only rolled his eyes and uncharacteristically wiggled his toes. He couldn’t bear to look at Yeon Hwawoon’s face when he thought he would look at him speechless.

Then, Yeon Hwawoon answered.

“Yes, Your Majesty. I’ll keep it in my mind. The people will be deeply touched by your grace.”

As soon as he heard the answer, Yihan’s face was full of surprise. It was because he never thought that Hwawoon would take his very absurd words so casually. He thought for a moment that he might be sarcastically laughing at his words, but the face of Hwawoon, who looked directly at him, seemed to be taking Yihan’s words seriously, so he felt dejected. 

He questioned why there was no sign of disappointment, even though the emperor came to a concubine’s residence just to say something that had no relation to him. Yihan wondered if this Yeon Hwawoon was really the one who made him fed up with his whining—asking why the emperor didn’t come to his residence every day. Although this wasn’t the first time he met this unfamiliar Hwawoon, he realized that unfamiliar change yet again and was taken aback.

“…”

But right at that moment, Yihan saw Hwawoon’s expression turn serious. That was completely different from the expression of conforming to his words that he just saw. After Hwawoon changed, he used to see expressions that he had never seen before, but it was the first time he saw Hwawoon’s face that fell into his own thoughts like now, so Yihan opened his mouth without realizing it. 

“What are you thinking?”

“Ah…!”

Hwawoon, who briefly fell into his own deep thoughts, raised his eyes at Yihan’s question that called his attention. 

At that time, Hwawoon was remembering the days when he lived as Hawoon. The hunger, solitude, cold, and all that had always been with his life, and also with the lives around him.

He could just say nothing. Regardless of whether he wanted it or not, Hawoon’s life had ended, and he now was living as Yeon Hwawoon, so he wondered if it was right for him to bring up something presumptuous about the days that had left him and wouldn’t come back.

But even though it was something that he didn’t experience anymore, for many people outside, it was still a life that they had to endure. Hwawoon, who took a deep breath, slowly rose and sat down on one knee in front of Yihan and opened his mouth.

“Your Majesty. I know this is presumptuous of me, but I want to say something about the relief center.” 

Once Yihan, who fixed his posture and turned serious at Hwawoon’s attitude which he had never seen, said, “say it,” Hwawoon continued,

“I know that providing relief centers in every region to help the people isn’t as easy as it sounds, and I also know well that it needs enormous manpower and capital. However, Your Majesty. If it’s possible… can’t you please make it so that those who are weaker between them don’t get left out and can feel your grace?” 

Not only Eunuch Oh, who was listening from behind, but also Ahjin, who also listened to what her master said, had their expressions turned pale. For the concubine, it had been taboo for generations to dare to put words on what the emperor does. Although this was not related to the important affairs of the nation, it was not something that could be easily said for a concubine who was not even the empress.

Ahjin couldn’t understand why her master suddenly said such a dangerous plea to the Emperor when he surely knew about it. I just barely see the light now. A little bit of hope is starting to appear between the two of them, who had the worst relationship. Why does my master step forward in the affairs of the people outside the palace whom he has never cared about before? Ahjin was really anxious that the Emperor would yell and leave Jeongan Palace immediately. 

The Emperor looked down at Hwawoon, who knelt in front of him with a stiff face and then opened his mouth.

“What makes you say that?” 

The Emperor’s low voice was so heavy that it was hard to read his emotions, but Hwawoon spoke again, indifferent to it as if he had already made a great resolution.

“Your Majesty, on a large scale, they’re all the hungry people of you, but in fact, if you look closely, there are a lot of different lives. Even among the poor, the superiority of each other is very clear according to the power they have.” 

“…”

“Men become another power in them. Even in the lower class, women and children are at the bottom. Whether it’s the relief program or anything, it can’t feed all the people in the nation. Then eventually, powerless children and women will not even get a chance to be saved at all, or even if they are lucky enough to get some grains, it will be easily taken away.” 

It wasn’t an assumption. It wasn’t something he thought of after racking his brain poorly. He knew it because it was Hawoon’s life. It was the life Hawoon suffered and endured as an orphan who had no parents to protect him. 

No matter how virtuous and benevolent the emperor is, no matter how much the empress cares and loves the people, there are lives on the lowest that they will never know because they are sitting in the highest place in the world. It might be the same for him if he didn’t know, but Hwawoon knew it and couldn’t turn a blind eye to them all on the pretext that it had nothing to do with his life now. 

“Of course I know you can’t take care of them all. Also the fact that it’s practically impossible. I also know that you are giving a grace that cannot be repaid just by caring for the circumstances of the people and opening a relief center. I am just… Your Majesty…” 

There were too many deaths in Hawoon’s life. The deaths that had no great meaning. Such poor, miserable deaths were scattered like grains of sand in the days of Hawoon’s life. Those were not something that could be retrieved just because Hawoon lived in a palace with his status rising overnight.

But Hwawoon, as he always did; just like the days long ago when he cut and shared a dumpling that he barely got to the children younger than him. He just wanted to do whatever he could even now.