CH 63

The sadness she had been holding back for a long time burst out. Other people envied Songhyun, who was one of the few concubines of the Emperor. However, Songhyun, who was separated from her family at a young age and started living alone in the imperial palace, in fact really wished to go back to her parent’s home if she could. 

In the first place, it wasn’t a position Songhyun wanted. Songhyun didn’t want the emperor’s love, authority, and anything else. What the young Songhyun wished was only to live happily with her family for a very long time. Songhyun would never have entered the palace as a concubine if her parents had not pushed her back for the prestige of his family and for her father’s success.

So Songhyun suddenly remembered her brother’s face, who held her hands silently while swallowing his tears on the day she left home. She really missed her older brother, who told her about his guilty feeling for being unable to properly protect his little sister.

Therefore, Songhyun ran to Jeongan Palace to see Yeonbin. She heard Yeonbin was in Suhwawon, so without a break, she ran again. 

“I just… want to take a walk…”

However, when Songhyun gave such an answer to Eunuch Oh since she couldn’t explain such a story, Eunuch Oh shook his head lightly and told Songhyun.

“Your Highness Jeongbin. His Majesty and His Highness Yeonbin are together at Suhwawon, so why don’t you come back next time?”

Eunuch Oh’s words were in the form of a soft recommendation, but Songhyun found it to be a suggestion that she could not easily reject. Songhyun, who couldn’t spend as much time with Yeonbin as she wanted because of the emperor’s sudden visit last time, unknowingly stretched out her head and tried to look inside Suhwawon behind Eunuch Oh, but the eunuch swiftly blocked her gaze and faked a cough.

Feeling sad, Songhyun pouted her lips and then said,

“Very well.”

Why does His Majesty keep interrupting me from getting close to Yeonbin? It was a day when Songhyun’s footsteps were getting slower as she turned around thinking about something that would have really surprised anyone who heard it. 

***

When the emperor asked her to leave, a mere court lady obviously could not stay, so she left, but Ahjin could not guess what His Majesty was trying to say for him to even tell her to leave. Walking absentmindedly, Ahjin found Eunuch Oh, who was standing at a distance, and then she approached him with a quick step.

“Lord Oh, His Majesty didn’t come here because he was angry, did he?” 

She was anxious because it weighed on her mind that the emperor asked only herself to leave when he could have just told them to leave if he encountered them by chance.

However, when Eunuch Oh, who was asked, did not answer and just looked at her with a frustrated look, Ahjin got upset and continued to talk again. 

“His Majesty is the one who allowed His Highness to visit Suhwawon, so that wouldn’t be a problem… Could it be that our master lost His Majesty’s trust because of his request about the relief center last time…?”

Ahjin was especially nervous about this situation because of that. Although the emperor did not blame her master at all that day, as this was a serious issue, Ahjin still trembled when she thought about it, and she was worried that her master would be punished for it.

Eunuch Oh clicked his tongue and opened his mouth,

“Your master and you are exactly the same.”

“… Pardon?”

“His Majesty can’t help but be frustrated because His Highness Yeonbin is as tactless as you are.”

Ahjin, who was only full of worry until then, furrowed her brows at Eunuch Oh’s answer. She then replied with a higher voice. 

“Why are you talking like that, Lord Oh? What did you say about my master?”

Ahjin was really surprised by Eunuch Oh’s words. Let’s be frank here. It might have been the case in the past, but who was it the one who always came to the person, who reflected on himself and changed and acted more properly than anyone else, then harassed him in various ways? Truthfully, if that person wasn’t the Emperor, Ahjin would have already spoken ill of him 12 times.

However, Eunuch Oh now was talking about her master’s tact and that the emperor is frustrated, so it was impossible for Ahjin’s anger to not rise. 

“… Forget it. What’s the use of talking about this?” 

Yet despite Ahjin’s response, let alone apologizing, Eunuch Oh shook his head as if he was frustrated. Ahjin also had a lot of things to say, so she pouted her lips. However, she couldn’t keep talking back to Eunuch Oh, who served the Emperor, so she just closed her mouth and stretched her head out again, and looked inside Suhwawon.

Please do not let His Majesty hurt my master anymore. I wouldn’t hope for him to give his love to my master, so please don’t let him give any wound to my master. That was the only thing Ahjin hoped for at this moment. 

***

“About last time…” 

Hwawoon was the one to open his mouth after walking in silence for a moment. At first, when the emperor suddenly asked him to just walk, he was surprised and nervous about the unfamiliarity, but after walking side by side for a while, feeling the quiet atmosphere of Suhwawon, his mind became calm.

It was actually also due to the subtle memory gap between Yihan and Hwawoon. Yihan clearly remembered that he had been cold and fierce even after Hwawoon changed, but Hwawoon only had the memory of the emperor who had been soft and kind to him.

Hwawoon continued on to talk with a soft voice regardless of whether or not he noticed that the nervous Yihan flinched when he started to talk. 

“I’m truly grateful because you generously forgave my willful adherence and accepted it, Your Majesty.” 

“Ah…”

“I am well aware that it is not enough to say thank you numerous times.”

At that time, Yihan complained a little inside without realizing it. It was because it reminded him again that the one who knew that didn’t come to him directly and only sent him snacks. Even now, if he hadn’t come all the way here, he probably wouldn’t have heard this.

When his thoughts reached that point, Yihan’s steps naturally stopped. This was because he was nervous for a moment when he thought of what he wanted to say. As the emperor stopped walking, Hwawoon naturally stopped walking together and looked at him with a somewhat questioning gaze. Breathing out, Yihan slowly opened his mouth.

“Are you afraid of me?” 

Of course, Yihan knew it was a shameless question. Since he had repeatedly driven out and pressured Hwawoon, it was not impossible to understand that he could not easily come to him.

But still. Even though he knew that he pushed him out and turned him down every time, he kept feeling sad for an unknown reason.

When Hwawoon looked at the emperor for a while with a surprised face at the unexpected question, Yihan continued.

“Are you afraid of being with me because I always… I always treat you coldly?” 

He was asking the obvious from Hwawoon’s point of view, but he was afraid that he would really say yes. Even if he answered no, he knew that it might be a lie because as a concubine, Hwawoon couldn’t say he was afraid to be with the emperor. Nevertheless, Yihan hoped he would answer no.

It was a contradiction. He himself couldn’t understand it. However, that very contradiction was happening so clearly in Yihan’s mind at this moment.

Not long after, Hwawoon, the one who made the mighty emperor so scared, opened his mouth.

“Is there anyone who dares to not fear the majestic emperor?” 

“…”

“Even if I’m afraid of you, that is because I respect you so much that I feel awkward. There’s a difference from being afraid of you, Your Majesty.”

Respect and awkwardness, but not afraid.

Standing there, Yihan kept brooding over Hwawoon’s answer in his mind. In the past, Hwawoon would have cried out his love and passion to him, but words such as respect and such would not have come out of his mouth. 

Therefore, this was such a strange thing. Back then, he really hated the romantic words said by Hwawoon. He was really disgusted by it. But how could he feel so empty because such words didn’t come out of the current Yeon Hwawoon? 

“I’m not afraid of you, Your Majesty.” 

“Then why don’t you come to me?” 

Yihan spoke with a somehow same feeling as a child who complains for nothing. Despite knowing it was a shameless question, Yihan couldn’t stop his words from coming out of his mind. 

Hwawoon hesitated to talk for a moment at Yihan’s question. He looked at Yihan with a wavering gaze, then he slowly looked down and answered. 

“I… I…” 

“…”

“Your Majesty looks reluctant to see me, so…” 

Yihan’s heart dropped once again. 

“I’m afraid if I appear before you to show my gratitude you will feel uncomfortable and displeased… so…”