CH 81

Ahjin bit her lips in impatience as she looked at Sukbi, who didn’t think of turning around even though she said this much. Her master, who had not slept properly all night due to the pain as she had already told her, had only fallen asleep after returning to Jeongan Palace and receiving help from strong medicine and sleep scent. Even if the Empress, not Sukbi, came, Ahjin had no intention of waking up her master now. 

When Ahjin thought of using the emperor’s order in case Sukbi forced her to announce her presence to her master with pride and regulation, Biyoung sighed a little and then opened her mouth. 

“When Yeonbin wakes up… Tell him I’ve been here.” 

“…”

Ahjin looked at Biyoung with a slightly surprised face at the voice full of guilt that she couldn’t hide. Biyoung’s face, looking down at the floor with her eyes down, was showing intense fatigue. She looked as if she hadn’t slept all night. Biyoung continued. 

“I hope we can talk when he gets better. And…” 

Biyoung bit her lips lightly once. 

“And… I’m hoping for his safe recovery. Tell him that.”

“… Yes, Your Highness.” 

Because Sukbi’s voice was heavy enough to dissipate Ahjin’s desire to nitpick her, ‘are you now hoping for his recovery when it was you who made our master wounded?’ Ahjin eventually had no choice but to stop being defensive, lower her head, and answer.

***

Contrary to Yihan’s wish to check on Hwawoon’s condition as soon as possible, he could go to Jeongan Palace only at sunset. When Ahjin in front of the bedroom kneeled to greet the Emperor, who came in silently in case Hwawoon fell asleep, Yihan raised Ahjin up with only an urgent gesture, and said, 

“How is Yeonbin’s condition?” 

“After coming to Jeongan Palace, he fell asleep the whole time with the help of medicine, and he barely woke up a while ago and took medicine after eating.” 

“Did he eat properly?” 

“… He only ate a few spoons of porridge.”

Ahjin’s face sank darkly. Hwawoon was not showing any pain or difficulty, but it was easy to guess the pain Hwawoon was still feeling by looking at the cold sweat on his forehead from time to time or the constant slight groaning even when he fell asleep under drugs. Nevertheless, when someone was next to him, he pretended to be okay now, so it was only Ahjin burning inside. 

Even if she didn’t say it all, Yihan had already guessed from Ahjin’s face. He sighed deeply, looking at the bedroom where Hwawoon would be. 

In fact, Yihan was still unable to get rid of all the troubles in his heart. This was because he was still not able to properly judge whether the emotion he was feeling for Hwawoon was the right emotion for Sung Yihan, the emperor. Yihan in his old days would probably have kept Hwawoon away until he gave that emotion a proper definition.

However, Yihan couldn’t do that. He couldn’t leave him alone even though he knew that his life was not in danger and that he would recover on his own after some time. 

And there were more to it. All day long today, Yihan was worried about the condition of Hwawoon despite working on political affairs. Did he sleep? Is it still painful? Did he take medicine? He kept being concerned about things like that. Even though he knew it was an excessive concern, Yihan could not push Hwawoon, who was dominating his mind. 

Because he’s hurt. He’s in so much pain. He should be praised for throwing himself away for others. So it is right to take care of him as an emperor until he recovers completely. Yihan was standing here again now, making ridiculous excuses to himself. 

“May I go in?” 

The emperor asked. Ahjin was so surprised by the emperor’s question that she opened her mouth, speechless for a moment. This was because the emperor of one nation was asking for her opinion about entering a concubine’s bedroom when she was only a maid. In the place where there would be no one to stop if the Majesty Emperor wanted to enter, the Emperor was afraid his steps would have a bad effect on Hwawoon. 

The emperor asked back to Ahjin, who was frozen as she couldn’t believe this situation.

“Can’t I?”

“No, no, Your Majesty! His Highness is also awake, so he will be very happy to see you. However, because of the strong medicine for his pain… His Highness may be a little confused…”

Ahjin, who had come to her senses, hurriedly added because she was worried that the Emperor would misunderstand her master due to his condition. However, like a person who didn’t care about it, Yihan slowly walked past Ahjin to the bedroom where Hwawoon would be. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.” 

The emperor’s voice, which had been heard as he passed by, was warm like a spring day, and Ahjin breathed a sigh of relief without realizing it. 

***

There were moments that overshadow the long-standing worries. It was just, there was something in people’s lives that sometimes made the countless worries they have been doing insignificant just by facing them. 

And today, at this moment. Yeon Hwawoon, who drew a beautiful smile on his face when he found Yihan standing at the door even though he looked fragile, was that moment and that something for Yihan.

What kind of emotion do I feel for him? Is this a feeling that I deserve to have? What if this is a wrong feeling that will cover my eyes, my ears, and my mouth as the emperor, and cause confusion in the world? 

At this moment, worries he couldn’t easily turn away even if he wanted to; everything turned distant the moment he saw Yeon Hwawoon’s face, and Yihan just wanted to make Yeon Hwawoon smile as he was now. 

So that he didn’t feel sick or lonely anymore. So that he wouldn’t feel intimidated or crouch in front of him anymore. Yihan wanted to do that for him. 

Because that feeling was unfamiliar and frightening. Because he had never experienced that before. For a long time, Yihan just stared blankly at Hwawoon’s face and couldn’t move a step.

***

Jaran was walking in Suhwawon where darkness gradually subsided. As the sun went down, the sound of the night bugs gradually rose, and countless things that made the empress’s head throb all day seemed to recede for a moment. She breathed deeply. 

It wouldn’t be as difficult as the emperor, but the empress’s position was never easy. She had to assist the emperor, lead the internal court, and care about the big and small things inside the imperial palace. Although there was a law that the empress or concubines should not be involved in state affairs, Jaran was a person who shared Yihan’s numerous anguish and found answers to it since the days of the royalty. 

Even after she became the empress, Yihan did not hesitate to share his thoughts with the wise empress, when there was something he couldn’t easily decide, so the empress’s role in this imperial palace was never small. 

“Let’s sit down for a while.” 

Jaran sat familiarly in the gazebo she usually visited and looked at the lush landscape. Suddenly, she felt that she had spent so many days in the seat of the empress. 

Jaran was a daughter who came to her parents with so much difficulty. How precious she was couldn’t be explained in words because she was a daughter whom her weak mother only got after losing two children in her stomach. Since the birth of Jaran, her mother had miraculously improved and had two more younger siblings, but none of them had dominated the love of the family as Jaran had.

Furthermore, they said because of the blessing brought by Jaran, her mother’s body was healed, her family became richer, and as her younger siblings were born, Jaran was loved more and more.

Therefore, even if the Empress’s seat was scheduled for her, her parents could not have wanted to marry Jaran into the imperial family. 

Of course, the empress was a position that ordinary people could not dare dream of, a position that many people coveted, and the highest place those born as a woman could reach. From a family’s perspective, it was certainly a position to achieve the greatest honor. 

But Jaran’s parents didn’t care about that. They were already abundant in life and honor, so there was nothing more to be greedy of. They were people who couldn’t hope for more if Jaran just lived the rest of her life peacefully and happily, met a good husband and received a lot of love.

Therefore, Jaran’s parents didn’t covet the empress’s position at all. The position where empress would bear a heavy burden in the deep imperial palace which no one could easily enter, bound with countless manners and rules, and fight for favor with the emperor’s numerous concubines. 

“How is it going with Sukbi?”

“Yes, Your Majesty. She went to Jeongan Palace this afternoon, but she couldn’t meet Yeonbin, so she just went back to Unhwa Palace and stayed in the bedroom.” 

“She did that even though I told her it’s not her fault.” 

“Such a thing happened, so she must be shocked.”

Jaran sighed faintly at Seon’s answer. Well, it was inevitable that her feelings and Biyoung to be different as she had only been watching from afar, while Biyoung experienced it directly in front of her eyes.

You don’t have to enter the palace if you don’t want to. This father will take care of everything. It was Jaran herself who chose to enter the royal family against the will of her parents who stopped her.