CH 82

Jaran wanted to be the empress. However, that didn’t mean that she wanted to be the emperor’s wife. Jaran wasn’t interested in finding a good husband and being loved in the first place. It was just that Jaran had the ambition to rise to the highest position a woman could reach.

If she could become the emperor, she might have wanted to become the emperor. Jaran wanted to sit in a high place and took care of those in low places. She hoped her wisdom could be a strength to lead the nation to the right destination. Jaran’s father persuaded her that being an empress would never let her freely express her will and would rather shackle her, but Jaran even thought it was worth challenging.

What Jaran wanted was to lead the nation on the right path with the emperor as the empress, not to fight with the concubines about the emperor’s love, and to honor the shallow feud. On the first day Biyoung, who was now Sukbi, entered the palace, she asked her to make a new internal court. The reason for that was rather for Jaran, herself, not the emperor.  

Thus, she came to the royal family of her own will, became a member of the imperial family, and became the desired empress. Did Jaran regret the first step she took bravely on her young day? 

“I guess I should go to Unhwa Palace.” 

It hadn’t been long since she sat on the gazebo, but Jaran stood up and said that. It would take a few more days for Yeonbin to recover, and she couldn’t leave Sukbi until then.

The colder night air lingered on the empress’s footsteps leaving Suhwawon. The answer to whether or not she regretted the steps she had taken to this day was only in Jaran’s mind. 

***

“I will excuse you from courtesy, so don’t try to greet me too much until the wound gets better.” 

Yihan immediately grabbed Hwawoon, who stubbornly tried to get off the bed and give him a greeting. He sat him back in bed and spoke in a determined voice. Then he quickly added as if he would not listen to Hwawoon’s rebuttal. 

“How’s it going with your wound?” 

“… I’ve almost healed now thanks to your concern, Your Majesty.” 

“You’re good at telling obvious lies.”

When Hwawoon, somewhat surprised by Yihan’s answer, raised his head with a slightly nervous face, he saw the emperor’s face with a friendly expression, unlike the vocabulary he chose. Hwawoon lowered his head as he could see the emotion of concern that could not be hidden in the eyes looking at him. Maybe because his body was hot because of the wound, his face suddenly seemed to be burning. 

At that time, a large hand quietly covered Hwawoon’s forehead. Through that hand, previous memories flowed in and Hwawoon’s body suddenly became tense, but Yihan likely thought that was because of the pain, so he quickly said in a dark voice.

“Isn’t your fever still high? Sit back and relax.” 

As if he had become a doctor looking at Hwawoon’s body temperature, Yihan’s hand came down from Hwawoon’s forehead and wrapped his cheek once again. After that, he raised the pillow appropriately so that it wouldn’t touch the wound, then he grabbed Hwawoon and slowly let him sit down. It was a surprisingly cautious touch to be that of an emperor who was always cared for by others. 

The moment Yihan approached him in order to comfortably fix his posture, Hwawoon’s heart dropped and he curled up without realizing it. He felt nauseous and out of breath. Perhaps the medicine was too strong, Hwawoon thought. 

In the meantime, Yihan, who came one step closer to Hwawoon and sat down, stretched his eyes to the fullest while looking at Hwawoon’s pale complexion. It was not that he didn’t know it was a wound that couldn’t have gotten better in a day, but it hurt him as if his stomach was twisted to see Hwawoon still struggling. 

Yihan, who breathed out deeply like a sigh, opened his mouth in a pitiful voice like a puppy caught in the rain. 

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to rest more comfortably if I was around, but I couldn’t help but come because I was curious.” 

“How can you say that, Your Majesty… the attention you gave me was too much for me…”

As Ahjin said, because of the strong medicine, Hwawoon was speaking a little slower and somewhat awkward than usual. The emperor kept reproaching himself inside because he thought the way Hwawoon talked was strangely cute even though he knew it wasn’t time for that. He felt like he was really crazy, thinking that Hwawoon was cute in this situation. However, Yihan’s tongue, which was rarely under control as it had always been in front of Yeon Hwawoon, spouted words at will again this time. 

“Then do you like me to be with you?”

“… Sorry?”

It was natural that there was a moment of silence. Hwawoon blinked and looked at Yihan again. Only then did Yihan realize what nonsense his tongue had uttered. He felt a strong urge to slap his cheek, but he did not change his words. This was because Yihan had a stronger impulse and desire. Yihan wanted to hear his answer while he was already talking nonsense. Yihan opened his mouth again. 

“Of course, if I’m here, I’m sure you’ll have to be courteous, be nervous, and you won’t be able to rest comfortably even with a sick body. Nevertheless… I’m asking if you prefer me to be here?”

“…”

“Would you… would you like it if I stayed by your side…”

The end of his words was blurred unexpectedly. The words of the emperor were always the same as the will of heaven, and no one could disobey them, and each word had a strong power as the Imperial Order, so Yihan had never slurred the end of his words so vaguely in front of others. 

But such an emperor hesitated to speak in front of his concubine. His heart was bursting with curiosity and fear at the same time. There were many more days when the relationship between Yeon Hwawoon and himself was so messed up that it couldn’t be called a relationship, so he didn’t know why he was asking such a vain question. 

“I… I…”

Nevertheless, Yihan was nervous when Hwawoon opened his mouth. When Hwawoon held the hem of Yihan’s clothes in his fists without realizing it, Hwawoon continued. 

“If Your Majesty is not afraid of me…”

“…”

“I… want to always be by your side.” 

It was a moment when the lifeless cheeks of Hwawoon were colored with a light red color, and the corners of the emperor’s lips shook lightly. 

***

“How come your hands are so small?” 

Hwawoon hurriedly clenched his fist and hid his hands in his sleeves because of what Yihan said. It was a reflex action. Then Yihan, who burst into a light laugh, added. 

“I didn’t mean to make fun of you. It was because I was amazed. Since it is so different from me…” 

Yihan stealthily grabbed Hwawoon’s hand hidden in his sleeve and opened it again. Then he stealthily put Hwawoon’s hand on his palm. The white and thin hand of Hwawoon was so small that it seemed almost invisible when Yihan wrapped it. It was not even the first time he saw Yeon Hwawoon’s hand, but Yihan had been experiencing a lot of new things lately. 

“Don’t you think it’ll break if I squeeze it hard?” 

“It’s not to that extent, Your Majesty.” 

“What do you mean no? Look at this. I can’t even see your hand when I hold it.” 

When Hwawoon, who felt embarrassed, refuted, Yihan replied without losing and sneakily grabbed Hwawoon’s hand. As Yihan said, Hwawoon’s hand buried in Yihan’s hand, which was big for a man, was only a little visible on the back of his hand.

But at that moment, Hwawoon was thinking about his hand. Not the slender and small hands of Yeonbin, but Hawoon’s hands, which were originally his. 

Hawoon’s hands had many scars. It was natural because he grew up going through various hardships on the road since he was young and even learned sword art. Of course, it was not to the extent that it was larger than others, but it was never a small and fragile hand like Yeon Hwawoon that would break when held strongly. 

Maybe it was because his mind was not clear because of the medicine. 

“If my hands were a little bigger and a little rougher, it wouldn’t be good for you to look at.”

Suddenly, he uttered such words in front of the emperor. 

Yihan opened his eyes wide and looked at Hwawoon as if he were somewhat surprised. But even if he was surprised, he would not have been more surprised than Hwawoon. Why did I say that? It was natural that Hawoon, who was not Yeon Hwawoon, was not suitable as a concubine at all, but he could not know why he was trying to confirm it to the emperor. 

His Majesty didn’t mean anything anyway. Whether my hand is the hand of Yeon Hwawoon or Hawoon, it is obvious that I will not be able to give any emotion to His Majesty. What kind of answer did he want to ask this ridiculous question? Hwawoon then urgently added, feeling like he was sweating along his back in an instant. 

“No, so, Your Majesty, I mean…!” 

“What’s the point of hand size?” 

However, Yihan, who regained his calm expression before Hwawoon, answered, cutting off Hwawoon’s stuttering words.

“Do you think I’m now sitting and chatting with you like this because your hands are small?”