CH 93

Yihan defined his feelings like that. The reason why he was so concerned about Jeongan Palace right now and slowing down his steps was because that person was hurt. Because that person was sick. He was just paying more attention than usual because he had a weak body.

“Let’s go in.” 

Yihan said in a weak voice. 

How desperate was the heart of a person who pretended to not see the traces of his heart that were already revealed utterly?

The emperor, who had never thought of the feeling of love as a good thing in his life, just closed his eyes and turned his head. 

***

“Your Highness, let’s wait inside. We don’t know when His Majesty will come.” 

Hwawoon, who was standing at the bedroom’s doorway and looking outside, turned his head in surprise at Ahjin’s voice and looked at Ahjin with a flustered expression. 

“I’m not waiting for His Majesty. I’m just, I’m just looking outside a little bit because I feel stuffy.”

“Oh, are you? I see… I got you wrong, Your Highness.”

Ahjin immediately bowed his head to his rebuttal and corrected her words, but Hwawoon felt his face heated up because her smiling face somehow looked like she did not believe him.

“I’m telling you. I was just looking outside… because I wanted to take a walk quickly.”

“Yes, Your Highness. I understand. Still, if you want to take a walk later, you can’t overdo it already, so please go inside now.” 

Ahjin, who answered I understand, still had an ambiguous smile. Hwawoon followed Ahjin back into the bedroom, being wary for no reason, as it seemed he sounded even more strange if he tried to be stubborn here. 

The doctor said to walk only a little on the premise of walking slowly, not exceeding ten minutes. He still felt pain in the wound when he moved his body, but Hwawoon firmly said that he could endure it, and by this point, Ahjin had no reason to stop Hwawoon from taking a walk. 

Furthermore, the emperor promised he would take a walk with Hwawoon. So, shouldn’t she rather encourage him to take a walk? 

“Lie down comfortably, Your Highness. His Majesty will forbid you to take a walk if you look sick.” 

Hwawoon, who kept turning his head to look outside even after entering the bedroom, felt uneasy after hearing that, so he went to bed and leaned his back as Ahjin said. Even though he slept all day, read books, and alternately chatted with Ahjin and Seoseo, he felt the sun seemed to be still in the middle of the sky and time seemed to have stopped forever. In fact, the sun outside the window seemed to be set, but Hwawoon still felt it was midday. 

There was a time when he was nervous and uneasy when he heard the emperor come. There was a day when he was nervous, not knowing what to do because he suddenly took over someone else’s body, and there was a day when he tried to assess his fault in advance because he was sure the emperor came to scold him. 

So Hwawoon suddenly looked at himself. His very self, who listened attentively to hear that the emperor had come, kept looking at the door. Since when did I know this feeling of excitement? Did I naturally become a person who waits for the emperor? It was a change Hwawoon had undergone himself, but he couldn’t believe it at all.

He still had nightmares when he closed his eyes and fell asleep. One day, the dead Yeon Hwawoon sat by the pond and cried, and one day, the emperor and Ahjin pointed their fingers at him, saying that he had deceived them. Sometimes, when he saw Hawoon, who was left on the ground, rotting, it seemed like that body was scolding him that this was where he was supposed to be. When he saw the dead Yeon Hwawoon for the first time in his dream, he completely collapsed and even suffered severely. 

But not now. Even though he was distressed in his dream, when he opened his eyes and started his day, he waited for the emperor, who said he would come to see him. It didn’t mean that the guilt was gone. He still felt sorry and regretful for the life that disappeared in silence. Nevertheless, Hwawoon was still eagerly waiting for the emperor to come to Jeongan Palace again. 

Hwawoon’s hand stroked the blanket Ahjin covered on him. The soft feeling of silk cloth felt through his palm was no longer as great as the first day he felt as Yeon Hwawoon. The food he ate at Jeongan Palace was surprisingly delicious every time, but it was not as shocking as the first day he ate it. 

Even though he didn’t try to, he was adapting to this life. It was inevitable. It would continue to happen, and the guilt Hwawoon felt now might be buried over time. One day, he might not even have the nightmare, just as he no longer cried and collapsed after having a nightmare. 

Is it okay? Can I accept Yeon Hwawoon’s life as if it were mine and get used to it? Is everything really getting better under the pretext that I can’t help it?

So when Hwawoon’s eyes were slowly getting dark as if they were getting wet in the rain. A loud sound came from the very road where Hwawoon had been glancing at. 

“Here comes the Majesty Emperor!” 

As always, it was Yihan.

***

“His Majesty went to Jeongan Palace again today…” 

Songhyun whispered in a small voice, carefully looking at Biyoung sitting across from her. Biyoung, who had been silent for a while as if she had something in her mind, finally looked at Songhyun with a clear gaze. After Yeonbin was injured, Biyoung was always quiet, and it made Songhyun worried so much. Biyoung, who was watching Songhyun with a few blinks, soon grabbed the cup in front of her and said. 

“I see. That’s good.” 

“Yeonbin must be happy because His Majesty visits him often. So you also have to cheer up, Unnie. You didn’t do it on purpose…”

Yeonbin’s injury was so heartbreaking for Songhyun, and she was wondering every day when she could visit him, but apart from that, Songhyun was hurt as Biyoung was so down because of this accident.

Of course, if Songhyun changed her position, shook off Yeonbin’s hand that tried to save her, and made Yeonbin seriously injured instead, she would surely be at a loss for guilt. But even so, it was hard to see Biyoung, who was like her own sister, became distressed for a few days.

“Yes. I will so don’t worry about me either. What to worry about now is Yeonbin, not me.” 

“… I’m worried about both of you.” 

Songhyun stuck out her lips like a duck’s beak and said with a sullen expression. 

In fact, it can be said that Yeonbin’s contribution was so great for Songhyun and Biyoung to get this close. They were able to maintain a good relationship because both of them had a deep respect for the empress, and they were not the ones to fight and be jealous of each other because of the emperor’s love. However, in the meantime, Yeonbin became a common enemy, so the two became even closer and were able to unite as one.

Therefore, Songhyun suddenly thought that this situation, where she sat facing Biyoung and worrying about Yeonbin’s condition, was very unfamiliar and strange. How on earth did this happen? 

When Songhyun, who still looked cute like a child, stuck out her lips and made a sullen expression, Biyoung burst into very light laughter and said to Songhyun. 

“Yes, yes. I’ll cheer up, so you too, stop being sad.” 

“Okayyy. If you feel a little better, Yeonbin will definitely visit you and say that it’s fine, and you don’t have to be sorry at all.” 

Looking at Songhyun, who was now holding Biyoung’s hand tightly and adding words, Biyoung nodded. Anyway, it seemed obvious that this would change their relationship in any way. Biyoung had now sorted out her thoughts. 

***

“Are you sure you’re fine?” 

Yihan asked Hwawoon several times even during a short walk outside together. It may be annoying to answer he’s okay several times, but Hwawoon, who smiled instead whenever he was asked, replied once again. 

“I’m really fine, Your Majesty. The doctor also said it is okay to walk for a short time.”

Then Yihan looked at Ahjin, who was following them a step behind, as if to confirm the answer. Ahjin nodded lightly to the emperor’s gaze and bent down, and Yihan finally looked relieved. Ahjin secretly bowed her head and laughed at the emperor’s behavior, which seemed to have already figured out Hwawoon’s habit of answering that he is fine. 

“Stay for a while.” 

At that time, Yihan stopped Hwawoon for a moment. It was in front of the stairs from the pavilion to the field. Hwawoon, who suddenly stopped, looked at Yihan, who was staring down the stairs without adding words. And Yihan suddenly wrapped Hwawoon’s back gently and whispered. 

“Lean on me.” 

Then, before Hwawoon could grasp the situation, Yihan put his other hand under his legs and raised him.