CH 94

“…?! Your-Your Majesty!” 

Startled, Hwawoon unconsciously wrapped his arms around the emperor’s neck and raised his voice. In the meantime, Yihan rose up with a very careful movement, just in case it would put a burden on Hwawoon’s wound.

“I’m fine, Your Majesty. I can walk down alone!” 

“There is nothing bad about being careful, no?” 

Hwawoon continuously asked the emperor to put him down, but there were only a few stairs anyway, and while they were talking, Hwawoon had already come down the stairs in the emperor’s arms. However, even after coming down the stairs, Yihan looked at Hwawoon for a while without putting him down and opened his mouth.

“Did I make the wound worse?” 

He thought it would be less burdensome on his body when he lifted him, but when he saw Hwawoon frozen in his arms, he was rather nervous and worried that it would put more burden on the wound. However, Hwawoon, who was nervous about the emperor’s body temperature and gaze which were so close, was out of his mind to feel the pain in his back. Hwawoon, with a red-hot face, shook his head quickly.

“No, Your Majesty…” 

He wanted to cover his face as he was embarrassed and shy, but his hands were holding the emperor’s neck, and the only place he could hide his face was the emperor’s shoulder, so Hwawoon had no choice but to just look away and lower his head. Hwawoon, who had a small build and was helpless in his arms, looked so cute and lovely to Yihan. Yihan felt like holding a small white rabbit in his arms. 

“I’ll put you down now, so be careful.” 

Yihan slowly put him down on the ground, hiding his desire to go around Jeongan Palace while holding Hwawoon in his arms. When the thin arms that wrapped around his neck left, the emptiness, a chill sensation, came to him, but Yihan tried not to know it and held out one arm toward Hwawoon. Yihan subtly gestured with his chin to Hwawoon, who looked at Yihan’s outstretched arm once and then looked at his eyes. It meant to grab his arm and walk leaning on it. 

“I’m fine on my own, Your Majesty.”

“You really are fearless. Are you going to refuse everything I do for you every time?” 

The sentence that came out was a combination of cold words that made him think he should kneel and ask for forgiveness. However, Hwawoon burst into laughter without realizing it. This was because Yihan, who said that, looked like a boy who was sullen because his good intentions were rejected. 

“Then… Thank you, Your Majesty.” 

Hwawoon answered again and gently put his small hand on Yihan’s arm. Leaning his body, which was not easily balanced due to the pain felt on his back, on the emperor, Hwawoon slowly stepped one step at a time. 

The surroundings had already got dark, but the trees, which had received the sunlight during the day, were showing off their appearance that began to grow blue. As the air of the season, which had already entered early summer, filled his lungs through the breath he took, his frustrated heart from getting locked in the room finally lightened up.

He felt both happy and sad welcoming the new season with this new body. He was sentimental and afraid. He was worried about what to do if such good days suddenly disappeared one day, but he was also scared of what to do if such beautiful days lasted too long.

“You…” 

It was at that moment that Yihan’s voice penetrated Hwawoon’s thoughts. When Hwawoon looked back, the emperor’s strangely serious face was very close to him. 

“You’re making that face again.”

Yihan’s voice was heavy. 

Yihan was looking at Hwawoon. While Hwawoon took a big breath and looked at the trees around him one by one, Yihan was only adjusting his pace to Hwawoon and looking at his face. At first, he was worried if he was sick, and next, he kept looking because he adored Hwawoon’s face, which seemed to enjoy even the air surrounding him. 

Then, Hwawoon’s expression changed very subtly as though his heart fell down endlessly again. It was not the first time he felt it. It was definitely a face that he had seen before. Alien and distant. It was alien, and could not be simply considered unfamiliar just because he had never spent a long time together and did not know Yeon Hwawoon well before. Yeon Hwawoon was making that face again.

He looked happy, but he seemed to cry. He seemed to sparkle and shine, but when he blinked once, he seemed to have given up everything. Yihan hated that face. It wasn’t simply because it was unfamiliar or what.

Hwawoon, who had such a face, looked far away. He didn’t feel like a person stepping on the same ground as him at all. Like a man wandering somewhere between life and death. Like a person who will disappear like a mist if he looks away for a moment. 

Hwawoon looked back at Yihan. Yihan, who became satisfied only after his pale autumn-colored eyes became clear and captured himself, continued. 

“Did you know that you sometimes make a lonesome expression?” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. We’ve been out for a walk together, but you made such a face. The courtiers looking from a distance might think I’m tormenting you again.”

Said the emperor, hiding his heart, which was uneasy and heavy for no reason. He could never express it with words like “lonesome,” but he couldn’t find a word to express his thought accurately. 

Fortunately, Hwawoon did not point out Yihan’s choice of words or return to his previous expression, but just smiled softly.

“How can the girls have such a misunderstanding when you have never tormented me?” 

The word “the girls,” which naturally flowed out of Hwawoon’s mouth, lingered in Yihan’s ear. Hwawoon’s appearance, while he seemed to have not even recognized he had used such a friendly word, was so natural. He sincerely regarded the courtiers of Jeongan Palace. There was no past Yeon Hwawoon, who hit and insulted the lower ones whenever he had time. 

What about his voice saying that the emperor has never tormented him? Yihan was the one who heard the voices of flattery more than anyone else in the emperor’s position. Yihan was a person who could easily recognize dark hearts hidden behind the praises for the emperor because he had heard such words many times over. Yihan, such a person, affirmed that Yeon Hwawoon’s voice now did not contain any tricks to disturb the emperor’s heart. 

That being the case, a person’s heart is really strange.

Yeon Hwawoon only acted mildly as if he didn’t want anything from him, so why did Yihan want to give everything he had until his hands were full?

“…”

Without saying a word, Yihan slightly turned the arm that Hwawoon was holding, and opened his hand, making the palm face up. He didn’t say what to do. However, he wanted Hwawoon to know what he meant. The strong man’s fingers trembled. He was afraid that Hwawoon would pretend not to see his hand even though he knew he would not be rejected because he was the emperor. 

The emperor, Sung Yihan, who wasn’t afraid even at the tip of his brothers’ sword pointed at him, was trembling because a concubine, who was so small in his arms, might pretend not to notice him. 

Yeon Hwawoon looked at the emperor’s hand that was extended toward him with a calm gaze. Too obvious an intention to be confused penetrated Hwawoon’s whole sense. 

Hwawoon was afraid. He was anxious. He felt guilty, and sometimes he was in pain because of that. 

Hwawoon had a nightmare. It was a dream of someone who had already died and someone who should have already died. 

However, like the providence of the season, summer comes when spring goes, Yeon Hwawoon’s time also moved along with the season. 

Therefore, Hwawoon was excited. He was happy. He looked forward to tomorrow, and sometimes he waited.

Hwawoon smiled in the morning after the nightmare ended. Those who stood by his side and the emperor who saw him again existed in reality. 

So if he had to live. If he had no choice but to live. 

Even if he suffered from the accumulating karma of these times and had to pay for his sins one day, shouldn’t he follow his heart at least once? 

Very slowly, Hwawoon’s fingertips moved as if caressing Yihan’s arm. Yihan bit his lips. The time when Hwawoon’s hand approached his hand was fascinating. So when the two hands finally overlapped. When Yihan’s big hand gently wrapped around Hwawoon’s fragile hand and clenched it tightly, a huge shock was transmitted to his heart as if the whole world exploded. 

Yihan, who barely endured an exclamation, tried to pretend as if nothing had happened.

“Look at the good stuff.”

“…” 

“I don’t know why you sometimes make that face, but when the emotions that are making you suffer come in, don’t let it eat you up and fight it.”

Yihan somehow had turned Hwawoon’s body and was facing him. The position of the emperor was a position that could not stay by his concubine all day. Yihan was afraid that Hwawoon would have that face more often in his absence.