CH 103

In the past few days, the Emperor stopped his visit to Jeongan Palace. In the old days, there was nothing special about the emperor not coming for a few days, but this was about the emperor who went to Jeongan Palace every day since Hwawoon was injured. Hwawoon thought that his mind was really crafty and funny, but he could not stop his mind from worrying about why the emperor would not come from time to time. 

He pondered over the conversation of the day they last met for numerous times, wondering whether he had made a mistake. He was also worried that the emperor might have been offended because he was asleep when the emperor came. Of course, the emperor was never such a narrow-minded person, but the more he thought, the more worried he was about everything. 

He must be busy. It was such an undeserved honor that he came to Jeongan Palace every day. While he was having such a thought, he kept looking over the courtyard of Jeongan Palace and wondered if the emperor would walk over. 

Several guards stopped in front of Hwawoon as he walked along, thinking about this and that. His walk reached the path of the guards who were patrolling around Jeongan Palace. 

“Greetings, Your Highness Yeonbin.”

Hwawoon, who had been engrossed in his own mind, suddenly came to his senses and looked forward at the voice of the guards who bowed politely. And the moment he looked at the guards in front of him. 

“Seo…!” 

A scream-like voice burst out of Hwawoon’s mouth. His body stiffened, and a cold sweat flowed down his spine. 

“Your Highness…? Are you okay?” 

Ahjin, surprised by Hwawoon’s unusual reaction, talked to him, but Hwawoon didn’t have any energy to answer. This was because Seocheon was one of the guards who were greeting Hwawoon. 

***

“…”

The emperor was staring at the nameplates presented by Gyeongsa-bang. Officer Wi in front of the emperor looked anxious if he would send back all the nameplates again today. The emperor’s fingers, which were just wandering around on top of the nameplates, eventually stayed on a single nameplate and touched the engraved name. 

Yeonbin, Yeon Hwawoon.

It was the name of that person. 

He didn’t visit Jeongan Palace after his visit to the Empress Dowager Palace. In Yihan’s opinion, Hwawoon had already passed the dangerous situation a long time ago, and there was no longer a need to visit him every day to check his condition. It was unreasonable to visit Jeongan Palace every day even more if it weren’t to spend the night together. Yihan was afraid that his actions would cause misunderstanding that Yeonbin was special. 

Yihan’s fingertips touched Yeon Hwawoon’s name once again. As if it was really Yeon Hwawoon. As if he wanted him to understand his feelings that he could not go to Jeongan Palace for this reason. 

The look on Eunuch Oh’s face as he watched the loving touch was complicated. Eunuch Oh was not sure whether he wanted the emperor to flip the nameplate or not. He was afraid to guess the emperor’s heart, which was so passionate in touching a concubine’s nameplate. As the closest servant of the emperor, there were so many difficulties for Eunuch Oh these days whether he should stop his lord or not. 

The emperor, who had been fiddling with Yeonbin’s nameplate for a long time without saying a word, said, waving his hand as if telling the officer to leave. 

“Go back.”

“… Yes, Your Majesty.” 

“Don’t come for a while. I’ll take care of it myself.” 

“… Understood, Your Majesty.” 

Officer Wi usually would have asked the emperor to reconsider his words, but he couldn’t dare to say anything because of how somber and heavy the atmosphere around the emperor was. In the end, Officer Wi glanced at Eunuch Oh, then he left. The emperor opened his mouth in the silence that took over again. 

“I’ve already given Yeonbin fair treatment.”

“…” 

“No more. No more.” 

It sounded like a warning to himself. Eunuch Oh could not give any answer to the emperor who repeatedly said to himself, “No more.” 

***

He almost called him ‘Seocheon!’ He would have uttered the name out of his mouth if he was late to hold his breath even for a few seconds. It was difficult to hide his surprised look despite knowing that other people would think it was strange.

This wasn’t the first time he met people he had known back in his guard days. There were times when he hid his bitter smile because he felt bad about not being able to approach and pretend to know them. He had gotten used to it now, so he could greet and walk past them calmly even if he ran into them, but now his heart was shaking as if all those times had just vanished.

It must have been because it was Seocheon. He was the closest to Hawoon out of all the guards who lived with him in the official residence. He was the friend he spent the most time with, the one he talked to the most, the one he relied on the most, and the one he promised to stay together for a long time. 

Of course, Hwawoon thought that he would not have felt special about him as much as he had felt close to him, but Seocheon was the only person Hwawoon could call “friend.” How could he not be surprised to meet such a person all of a sudden in such an unexpected place? In addition, Seocheon was originally guarding the main gate of the Jooan Fortress, so it was really shocking to see he suddenly came to Jeongan Palace. 

“Your Highness, what’s wrong? Are you sick? This is why I told you not to overdo it.” 

“No… No, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

Surprised by Hwawoon’s sudden shout and trembling, Ahjin fussed, studying Hwawoon’s face. Hwawoon, who managed to come to his senses, shook his head and answered while looking at Seocheon, who was still bowing to him. 

“Good… Good job everyone. Always be careful because the road is dark at night.” 

Hwawoon said, struggling not to show a trembling voice. Soon, the guard next to Seocheon answered, “Yes, Your Highness. Thank you,” but Seocheon’s voice was not heard. There was no way to know whether he had said anything at all, or whether his voice was too low to be heard. 

“… Let’s go back now.” 

His legs were shaking, so Hwawoon said while looking straight at Ahjin. Ahjin hurried to support Hwawoon with a relieved expression. Turning away from them, Hwawoon bit his lips painfully. Seocheon should have known that he died from saving Yeonbin. Even though he was curious how Seocheon would think when he faced Yeonbin at Jeongan Palace while knowing that fact, he couldn’t guess at all. 

Did he think of me at all? Did he miss the person who suddenly died even for a little? Those questions kept floating around in his head.

It was not that he never thought about Seocheon whenever he faced unfamiliar guards at Jeongan Palace. However, it was only a trivial curiosity of whether he was doing well. He thought he would surely be doing well on his own because he was a talented and smart person, but he just wanted to ask him if he was living without any difficulties. This made Hwawoon surprised that seeing Seocheon shook him so much, no matter how suddenly he encountered him. 

Walking slowly across the courtyard toward the pavilion, Hwawoon thought of the Emperor, who did not come today. And he remembered many nightmares that still plagued his night.

It was nice to see Seocheon’s face, but at the same time, it was like a mirror reflecting the guilty feelings that Hwawoon kept. Seocheon is the kind of person who brings out Hawoon, who stays here through lies. Hwawoon heaved a sigh silently, thinking that the reason for his uneasiness was that. If so, these burdensome emotions that I feel now are my share to endure.

***

Eunuch Oh, who covered the blanket over the emperor who fell asleep drunk, quietly stepped out of the bedroom. The emperor did not talk much throughout the drink, but Eunuch Oh could see how strong the anguish was clashing in the mind of his lord. 

Eunuch Oh’s emperor was a man who lived solely for the nation. The position of the emperor is originally responsible for leading the nation, so it might be natural, but Eunuch Oh thought that his lord had gone too far. It wasn’t about making a huge sacrifice, such as sacrificing life. Those who didn’t know could ask why it would be so hard to be in the position of the emperor in this peaceful period. 

However, in the eyes of Eunuch Oh, the emperor had nothing that could be called his own. Sung Yihan had nothing. All of his joy was limited to what he gained from leading the nation well as an emperor. All his day was also full of duties as an emperor, and even the time of sharing the bed was often spent as if performing his duties rather than personal pleasures. 

He did not enjoy the arts privately, nor did he collect anything precious to satisfy his desire. There was no woman who made him feel personal joy, and he had nothing to enjoy as a hobby.