CH 107

“Your Highness. I gave snacks to the guards on duty as you told me to.”

“Yes. Thank you, Ahjin.”

“You even took care of each guard. There won’t be anyone like you in the future.”

Hwawoon burst into a light smile at Ahjin’s words. It was still vivid in his mind how she immediately knelt down and shook her head when she made eye contact with him, but now Ahjin looked like a person who had not experienced those days. Hwawoon then said. 

“There were many days when you all suffered because of me, so I still have a long way to go to pay back all those days.”

“Your Highness. What are you talking about? Please don’t think so because you’re being generous enough now. Even the guards that got the snacks were so happy and thanked you.”

“… Really?”

“Of course. I’m not sure, but I think they’ll go back to the official residence proudly. What kind of guard serving at a concubine palace would be treated so kindly?” 

Ahjin was right. Usually, guards from good families worked close to the emperor, so it was customary for the guards assigned to the outside of the palace or concubine palaces to be filled with those who were somewhat lower in status. In particular, most of the guards at Jeongan Palace were from the lowest class, so they would not be respected like this wherever they went.

Of course, Ahjin didn’t even bother to continue with her later words. It only made her realize that Jeongan Palace was neglected in the past. Anyway, the master of Jeongan Palace was giving a lot to everyone now, so it was natural that everyone should be grateful for it. 

“Still, don’t be too obvious in front of the guards.” 

Hwawoon added, worrying that Ahjin might tell them to say, thank you for your grace, Your Highness Yeonbin. Ahjin pouted her lips a little as if she had predicted it, but soon accepted, saying, “Okay.” Hwawoon continued. 

“Then go out and relax. I also want… to be alone for a moment.” 

“Yes, Your Highness. Call me anytime if you need anything.” 

Ahjin looked at Hwawoon’s face with a worried expression while answering. Since yesterday, her master seemed to have been looking dispirited, making her very worried. However, Ahjin did not ask if he was okay or why he was like that. This was because she could easily guess why her master was so lost in thoughts just by thinking about it a little bit. 

In the days when it was natural for the emperor not to come, there was nothing to think about very deeply. However, for someone who had been visiting so often to suddenly stop his visit without saying was something that people couldn’t help but care about. Even though Hwawoon had changed and was not obsessed with the emperor’s every move as before, he could not stop showing his care for the emperor as long as he was a concubine.

Ahjin turned away from Hwawoon and sighed silently with a complicated face. On the day when her master fell asleep waiting for the emperor, the eyes of the emperor, who could not turn away easily in front of the quiet bedroom, were so affectionate and made Ahjin’s heart sink. Then what was it that made the emperor not even show his shadow for days?

She was frustrated and curious about a lot of things, but there was nothing Ahjin could do now. She just tried her best to assist her master, reducing the chance of things that could disturb her master’s mind.

“…”

Meanwhile, Hwawoon sat there and looked at Ahjin leaving the bedroom with drooping shoulders, and heaved a short sigh. He knew that Ahjin was worried about him even though she tried to not show it. When the emperor often came to Jeongan Palace, she was so happy that she hummed every day. Hwawoon couldn’t help but know because he knew that feeling better than anyone else. He had no exact idea, but he knew for sure that she was excited. When he thought of that, he was grateful for Ahjin, and on the other hand, he felt that his heart, which was heavy, was lightened a little because of her cuteness. 

Hwawoon’s gaze, which was looking at the bedroom meaninglessly while having such a thought, reached the wooden sword hung on one wall. It was Hwawoon’s wooden sword that the Department of Internal Affairs made with care. Looking at it, he was reminded of his life as Hawoon and Seocheon’s face. This was because during the days he lived as a guard, they often spent time sparring with each other with wooden swords.

When he first met him, his mind turned complicated and he couldn’t sleep all night, but after he thought about it, Hwawoon didn’t think it was bad to meet Seocheon like this. He was curious about how Seocheon was doing. Whenever he saw a familiar face coming and going to Jeongan Palace, he wanted to ask if Seocheon was doing well. However, he couldn’t ask because it didn’t make sense for the emperor’s concubine to wonder about the safety of a guard he didn’t know about. 

However, now Hwawoon could directly check Seocheon’s safety in front of his eyes. Even if he couldn’t take care of him openly, he could take care of his situation by taking care of all the guards working at Jeongan Palace. Although we can’t talk to each other as friendly as before. Although I can’t share a meaningless secret that I am Hawoon. Still, it would be comforting to see him doing well up close. Hwawoon decided to think of it positively. 

Hwawoon, who slowly rose up, took off the wooden sword hanging on the wall, and gently grabbed the hilt. He thought that it would be nice to have a close friend with whom he could share all the guilt and burden of his heart now, but he immediately shook his head. It was excessive greed. He had already had all the good things of Yeon Hwawoon, so he shouldn’t have hoped to have what was Hawoon’s.

“It’s His Majesty’s loss to keep talented people like you afar because of their status.”

He remembered the smiling face of his friend, who shocked Hawoon by saying such an irreverent thing on a moonlit night. Hwawoon’s night was heavy because all the sad things were piling up, but there was no place to put them all down.

***

“Your Majesty. Please go in and have a comfortable rest.” 

At late dawn, the emperor had already stood for a long time in front of the gate of the Empress Dowager Palace. You should have climbed the palanquin if you were planning to spend the time like this. Worried about the emperor standing on both feet without moving, Eunuch Oh recommended it in a heavy voice, but the emperor did not answer and only kept looking at the Empress Dowager Palace. 

Yihan did not want to see the Empress Dowager. There was another reason for visiting the Empress Dowager Palace at this dawn. 

He felt that he would run to Jeongan Palace if he didn’t do that. He couldn’t sleep even if he closed his eyes, and he kept seeing a face that he couldn’t shake out no matter how much he tried to think about other things. He felt like he would end up running to see that face if he left it as it was. Thus, Yihan chose to climb up to the palanquin and come to the Empress Dowager Palace. 

He couldn’t shake him out no matter what he did, even if he worked like crazy. No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop Yeon Hwawoon from invading his mind. It was hard to endure because his heart was going to explode if he didn’t see his face smiling calmly at him. So, late at night, the emperor changed his destination from Jeongan Palace, which he couldn’t bring himself to visit, to the Empress Dowager Palace. He was looking at the palace bathed in the shadow of his mother. Only by desperately remembering his mother, who was still locked in her miserable life, could Yihan suppress his mind a little.

“Your Majesty—”

“Just a minute. Let’s go just a minute later.” 

Eunuch Oh’s calling for the emperor was blocked again. The emperor’s voice was too weak to be said as the voice of the mightiest person under the sky. 

Eunuch Oh understood the anxiety in the emperor’s mind. He knew so well what the emperor was so wary of that he was even punishing himself for something that was natural for an emperor to enjoy. At the same time, however, Eunuch Oh felt sorry for the emperor’s anxiety. Even if he had a favorite concubine, the emperor wasn’t a person who would let that concubine be arrogant like the predecessor emperor. He wasn’t someone who would leave alone a favored concubine to intimidate the empress and make a plot to bring down her son. Eunuch Of felt it was a pity for the emperor to be in pain because he forcibly blocked his heart. 

“If he hadn’t fallen in love with her, would Father have treated everything differently? 

The emperor sometimes said such things to Eunuch Oh on days when he drank alone. It was probably the question of the many nights he had to go through alone as a child. Eunuch Oh was able to portray the pain of the young Yihan, who endured his father’s indifference and his mother’s twisted feelings, trying to find any reason for that anywhere.

Your Majesty, you are not such a person. Even if you regard Yeonbin specially and love him, the same result that happened in the era of the previous emperor won’t be recorded in history. No matter how sincere Eunuch Oh was, those words would not reach the emperor deeply. No matter how great the emperor was, a childhood wound would haunt him for the rest of his life like that. 

Thus, Eunuch Oh stood together next to the emperor, who was looking at the Empress Dowager Palace endlessly. At this moment, that was the only thing Eunuch Oh could do for the emperor.