CH 136

“His Highness Yeonbin is already a member of the Imperial Family, so how can I indulge myself in a selfish emotion?”

“You’re really inflexible. That’s not a good thing.”

“My wife and I are just…  worried because we’re afraid His Highness Yeonbin will disappoint you again.”

In fact, Yihan also had thought about it. Since all the changes in Hwawoon resulted from drowning and losing his memory, it was natural for him to worry about how he would change if he suddenly regained his memory. The doctor also couldn’t provide a clear answer as to whether Hwawoon would find his memory or not, when he would find it and what would happen afterward if he could find it. Yihan fully understood Yeon Juwon and his wife’s concerns.

“Your Majesty…”

Yeon Juwon called Yihan, who was silent because he couldn’t give a definite answer. However, he couldn’t continue on easily.

Yeon Juwon had something he wanted to say at that time. Don’t be too fond of His Highness Yeonbin. That could lead more people to praise me privately and stand behind me to lick me up. Such a thing wouldn’t lead me to dare to have an evil intention, but you should constantly be wary of and doubt me, Your Majesty. Yeon Juwon wanted to say so to the emperor as a retainer.

But he couldn’t bring himself to say that. Regardless if it was a very late, brazen sense of guilt, he couldn’t help it. Juwon was a father who pushed his son’s life into the mud for the emperor’s sake. He couldn’t tell the emperor that he should treat his son harshly again when his son was now just getting loved.

Therefore, Yeon Juwon told his story instead of his son. 

“Your Majesty. No one knows what’s in a person’s heart, and it is the power that can turn even the most upstanding and upright of people in an instant.”

“So what you want to tell me is to not fully trust you, and always be wary and suspect you.”

The bright emperor immediately understood Yeon Juwon. Perhaps he also had already read Yeon Juwon’s thoughts of his son, which he couldn’t say out loud. Yeon Juwon drew a light smile as he heard the emperor mutter, “What an uptight old man.” Yihan said, 

“Don’t worry. I’m not the one to get hit, no matter what you do behind my back. Don’t tell me you’re still looking at me as a young prince.”

“How could I, Your Majesty?”

“Very well. Go back now. … Tell me whenever you change your mind.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you for your grace.”

The old minister bent down in front of the emperor, who was shining all over the nation as a huge and brilliant sun. He was still an old tree that could do anything for that sun.

***

“I’m here, so what makes you have that face?”

Yihan said while looking at Hwawoon, who had a nervous face like a restless puppy. He didn’t expect Hwawoon to dash out to welcome him, but he didn’t feel good to see Hwawoon openly showing such an uncomfortable face. 

“Did anything happen?”

Yihan asked again, feeling more nervous as Hwawoon gave no answer with a troubled expression. Only then did Hwawoon carefully lower his eyes and open his mouth. 

“Your Majesty. Are you not going to the Empress?”

Yihan’s mouth turned into a thin line in an instant.

It had already been several days since Yihan spent the night at Seojeong Palace. The girls of Seojeong Palace were now even preparing in advance, knowing that the emperor would come when evening approached. Regarding this matter, the Imperial Palace was noisy all over the place with two opinions that the emperor visited often with a new mind as he hadn’t shared a bed with Yeonbin for quite a long time, and whether the emperor’s love was really for Yeonbin.

It was no surprise. The Emperor was originally a person who spent time fairly with everyone from the Empress to Jeongbin. Of course, he spent a little more time with the Empress, the lady of the nation, but it was meaningless to count and compare. But such an emperor visited Yeonbin’s residence every day. It was impossible for it to not spread out as the palace was overflowing with eyes and ears. 

There was even a rumor that the courtiers made a private bet on how long the emperor would visit Yeonbin’s residence, and the Empress personally issued a warning about this. Needless to say, there were a lot of people on the edge of their seats over this.

The only thing that went quietly, as usual, was rather the internal court, including Yeonbin, who was the center of the storm.

Anyway, in that situation, Yihan visited Seojeong Palace again today. When he heard the unexpected words from Hwawoon, Yihan felt as if his blood, which had been boiling up on his way here, cooled down at once. Yihan said bluntly.

“Why are you suddenly bringing that up?”

For a moment, Yihan wondered if someone had said something about this to Hwawoon, but no one in the internal court, including the empress, would do such a thing. So this was definitely an idea that came up from Yeon Hwawoon’s head.

He always thought about others, so it was obvious he did it again this time. He must be worried that he ‘dared’ to monopolize the emperor’s grace. Yihan suddenly remembered that when they were together, Hwawoon would sometimes make a vague face that he couldn’t identify. Maybe Hwawoon had been carrying these concerns in his mind the whole time. Yihan did not wait for Hwawoon’s answer and immediately continued to talk. 

“I’ll take care of that, so you don’t need to worry about it. You better worry more about your body if you have time for it. Didn’t you feel dizzy again today?”

Hwawoon looked surprised as if questioning how the emperor could know about it. Yihan snorted with laughter. He had already heard all about Hwawoon’s physical condition through Ahjin. Yihan said with a shameless face. 

“It’s all written on your face.”

Yihan hoped that Hwawoon’s expression would loosen up a bit at his words, but he still looked troubled.

It wasn’t that the emperor didn’t have such worries. Rather, the emperor was the one who agonized about it more than anyone else. People had the same idea about the emperor’s love. Which concubine had more nights with the emperor, who received the emperor’s grace the most? Those were the first standard to gauge the emperor’s favor. Therefore, no matter how much Yihan respected and cared about the Empress and treated Sukbi and Jeongbin equally, the emperor’s heart would never be considered fair unless he spent the night with them. Yihan knew it better than anyone else.

So sometimes Yihan would make up his mind. I will visit the empress today. I will visit Sukbi and console her heart since I couldn’t comfort her properly last time. I will take care of Jeongbin, who is lonely because she is separated from her family. It wasn’t that Yihan had never had such ideas. 

And yet, strangely, he couldn’t say it out at night. When he heard Eunuch Oh asking where he would go, he didn’t want to go anywhere else because he only thought of Yeon Hwawoon, who would be waiting for him at Seojeong Palace. No, actually, even that was an excuse. It was Yihan who couldn’t hold himself. It was hard not to see the person who made him sigh and look out the window several times because he missed him all day. He couldn’t believe it even though he was going through it himself. 

Then the wariness that he had barely overlooked came up again. Is it really alright for an emperor to visit only one concubine? Do you think what you’re doing is different from how the predecessor emperor blindly loved the noble concubine? Can you really guarantee that you won’t do the same thing as your predecessor? Such a voice sometimes came to mind as Yihan’s own voice, sometimes as his mother’s voice, and sometimes as his younger self’s voice, making a mess of his mind. 

But who could possibly know how he felt when he couldn’t bring himself to say to go to another palace?

Yihan stared at the cruel face of the one who asked why he didn’t go to the empress’ palace without knowing his feelings, even though he had come all the way here after pressing down such anguish in his mind. Yihan seemed to hear what Hwawoon was saying, even though he couldn’t continue to speak. Even if Yihan didn’t like what Hwawoon had said, it wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate his consideration. So after a moment, Yihan breathed a shallow sigh and spoke again. 

“If it bothers you so much, I will have breakfast tomorrow at the Empress Palace. What do you think?”

For Yihan, he made quite a concession. This was because it was a time that Yihan looked forward to and cherished because when he woke up early in the morning, he could enjoy the sight of Hwawoon’s sleeping face, breathing in his arms, and then had a good breakfast with him. However, Hwawoon still didn’t loosen up his expression.

“Your Majesty, this is not about that. What’s important is that you come to the Empress and spend the night—”

“You really!”

But when the word ‘night’ eventually came out of Hwawoon’s mouth, he couldn’t stand it anymore and raised his voice. He suddenly felt sad. Does Yeon Hwawoon not feel jealous at all? Does he really want me to spend the night alternately in the residence of the empress and other concubines?