CH 38

[T/N: So just for further reference, His Highness is used mostly for princes and princesses. While His Majesty is used for kings and queens. So… Please note that from now on the titles for Emperor Cliff de Helios and Benelucia Afron will be swapped around. ]

The mere thought of the emperor doing something to her made Senelia instantly sick.

The emperor’s child that I gave birth to…

How can anyone love someone like that?

“Your face isn’t happy at all.”

Cliff let out a big laugh.

The emperor seemed happy even with Senelia’s disgusted reaction.

Well, her loathing posed no threat to Cliff de Helios, so he always played mind games with Senelia in a relaxed mood.

“…It’s too much of an honor for me, Your Highness.”

Senelia lowered herself and said honestly.

She didn’t feel good after being given such a ‘grace’, so she refused to put on an act. 

Cliff would see right through Senelia every time anyway, and her mood was always adjusted to whoever she faced. 

But so what, what are you going to do about it?

“Yeah, but I’ll allow you to do this undeserved thing, nonetheless.”

Cliff’s hand cupped Senelia’s cheek.

Blonde hair like honey, darker than Benelucia’s, and golden eyes shining like pure gold, the emperor’s appearance was extremely splendid, and at first glance, he was affectionate. So, logically, it should feel romantic, having a gorgeous man cup her face lovingly, but, instead, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

She was like a prey to play with, feeling the claws of a mighty beast as it ensnared her and tried to eat her whole. 

“Did you know that you match my taste quite a bit?”

Cliff’s arm wrapped around Senelia’s waist like a snake coiling around its prey.

Slowly, he pulled her closer, until there was only a span of distance left between the two.

Senelia’s stomach churned.

Of course, she had to be Cliff’s taste.

[T/N: Said with sarcasm.]

She was an opponent who feared him and would obey him forever.

How easy a weapon to wield.

She had to wonder, if the day he first realized that she was the thorn of the Chloracean.

Would it have been better if she had been decapitated by Cliff’s sword that day without knowing what hell she would face if she lived?

Senelia thought so involuntarily.

Neigh.

If she hadn’t suddenly heard a horse neigh outside the window, she might have wished she could turn back time and redo her choice. 

Just, please, kill me.

“Oops, looks like there’s an intruder.”

As the sound of the horses’ hooves neared Senelia’s townhouse, Cliff’s arms loosened.

The obstruction is gone. 

[T/N: The object keeping her locked in fear has finally moved away.]

Despite his words, he wasn’t particularly offended that his time terrorizing her had come to an end.

No, rather Cliff was smiling as if he was having fun.

Unlike Senelia, who felt as if her heart had finally gotten a chance to stop beating violently within her swollen chest, and she let out a breath.

In what seemed like the aftermath to a close death, Senelia was finally set free.

“Since my beloved brother has arrived, I will be on my way.”

Cliff headed to the window.

Senelia watched him disappear in a daze, not even thinking about going to see if he managed to make it down safely.

Soon there was a knock on the door downstairs.

As Cliff de Helios said, it seems that the male lead had arrived.

Thump.

Her knees weakened as her nightmare left out the window, Senelia crumpled. 

Once on the ground, Senelia pulled her knees together and buried her face between them.

Ah, it was terrible, she felt so miserable at the fact that even at this moment it was Benelucia who had once again saved her.

So… This just proves the fact that I could never abandon him first.

…

I want to cry.

***

Of course, Senelia did not cry, she had to greet Benelucia who waited for her at the door.

“…Why is His Majesty the Grand Duke doing here this late?”

Senelia’s demeanor was calm, as always. Well, she seemed even more unconcerned than usual.

The reason being that she had already consumed so much energy that she didn’t have the energy left to express her emotions.

Most of all, the main reason was because Cliff’s appearance froze Senelia’s heart, all of her hopes had been drenched over with ice cold water.

Didn’t Cliff directly show Senelia what would happen if she let go of her reason for an inconclusive matter?

“…Sally.”

Benelucia rarely spoke so hesitated.

Well, no matter how blatant of him, it would be strange to abandon Senelia during the day and treat her the same as though nothing had happened when night came.

“Before— I was sorry, therefore…”

Senelia couldn’t hear his words properly, her ears flooded with the sound of the emperor.

Cliff’s threat, should she fail, was to give birth to his child wrapped around Senelia’s neck like a snake.

That cold, creepy feeling didn’t go away with the male lead’s appearance.

What Cliff wanted was for Benelucia to choose Senelia over Lucalina and Senelia, she had no choice, she had to do it.

“No, Your Majesty, you don’t have to be sorry.”

So, this was a gamble.

She was that desperate.

Empress? Ha! It’ss better to strangle myself than to become something like that.

But the problem was, Cliff wasn’t going to put an end to everything with just Senelia’s death.

One way or another, the moment Senelia unleashes herself from his control and runs away, Cliff will destroy the things she loved. 

So, it had to be Benelucia who broke the leash that Cliff had put on Senelia.

As always, her only salvation was Benelucia Afron.

“It’s because I presumptuously misunderstood you, Your Majesty.”

Senelia deliberately lowered her gaze.

If what Benelucia was looking for was her love, then she would have to remember the promise she had made to never give her heart to him.

[T/N: Technically, it was more of a promise that he’d give her everything besides his love.]

She belatedly thought that her actions were right.

Ha.

When Senelia slipped out of his grasp, he clung to her, he tried with all his might to keep her to him. 

And as soon as she was once again successfully caught, didn’t he, unhesitantly, run straight to Lucalina?

After that, Senelia seemed to be slipping out of his hands again, so he returned.

Then what is she to do now that he’s back?

“Anyway, I don’t think I’m the right person to be the marriage partner of His Majesty.”

“…Sally.”

Senelia gripped the hem of her skirt tightly, keeping a tight leash on her emotions.

Benelucia rose from his seat and tried to approach her.

This was going to be Senelia’s second farewell to him.

After being treated like this twice, I wonder, will he try to hold on to me?

Senelia was suddenly afraid.

However, the words she had already spoken could not be taken back, and she never wanted to live with Cliff for the rest of her life.

It would be a life worse than death.

“Sally, I won’t let that happen in the future…”

“No, Your Majesty.”

The Grand Duke reached out and took Senelia’s hand that rested on the table.

But she shook her head and pulled her hand firmly.

Anything like this can not happen.

Senelia thought  firmly, she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

Because he is the male lead and Lucalina is the female lead.

Senelia didn’t have the confidence to be the first in his from the beginning.

So, a long time ago, didn’t she make up her mind to become the endless thirst that Benelucia would never be able to escape from?

Just like when you meet an oasis while wandering on a desert road, your eyes roll over and you rush to it, never would you think to look around and what could possibly be around you.

If that’s the case, it won’t matter who is the real love of Benelucia.

Keep going, that’s what I have to do.

“I— No more. I can’t stand His Majesty anymore.”

Senelia decided not to hope or cling to Benelucia’s love anymore.

From now on, the only thing she clung to was his desire.

To the greed of Benelucia Afron who always got whatever he wanted.

Looking at Benelucia’s back as she left her for Lucalina, she saw herself, the one who could never win against Lucalina with love.

If Lucalina was Benelucia’s love, Senelia could only be something else.

So Senelia chose to become the male lead’s desire.

Usually in fiction, love always wins.

Senelia hoped that she could become the first desire to conquer love.

“What? Are you going to break up with me again?”

The Grand Duke questioned in a shaky voice dripping of disbelief.

It was natural.

When has he ever been rejected twice in his life?

Even Lucalina’s heart belonged to Benelucia right from the beginning.

Senelia was the first black mark in his life.

And the black mark inevitably brought about the desire to fill it back up.

“Your Majesty, you are saying strange things.”

Senelia smiled lightly.

Unlike Benelucia, who looked shocked, she appeared very relaxed.

She realized that there was no other way to escape from Cliff’s clutches anyway, so she became confident at the thought that fear was useless.

“There is no such thing as a farewell between Your Majesty and me.”

Senelia was no longer afraid.

Her heart gradually calmed. 

“You mean we aren’t related?”

Benelucia gritted her teeth and asked, causing Senelia to blink innocently.

She hadn’t meant for her last words were not meant to be sarcastic or to offend him.

“I’m sorry if my words made His Majesty feel bad, I just…”

Senelia chose her next words carefully.

However, nothing came to mind except for one sentence.

“Like today, someday… I just thought that if she returned to His Majesty’s side, then I would go back to my place.”

There was another owner who would take the seat next to Benelucia, and Senelia only stayed in someone else’s seat, keeping it warm until the rightful owner returned.

How would you define such a relationship?

In such a relationship, there was no need to say goodbye.

Senelia really only thought so, thus, silence fell between the two.

Contrary to Senelia’s expectations, who thought that her announcing her leave would not cause Benelucia to get angry or hurt his pride. Instead, the man was silent for a long time.

And after a long and cold silence, Benelucia broke the unnerving atmosphere.

“Sally, don’t you love me anymore?”