CH 39

[T/N: So just for further reference, His Highness is used mostly for princes and princesses. While His Majesty is used for kings and queens. So… Please note that from now on the titles for Emperor Cliff de Helios and Benelucia Afron will be swapped around. ]

Benelucia was a greedy person indeed. 

How dare he ask such a question in this situation?

Senelia felt unamused laughter bubble and churn in her chest. 

[T/N: She was so angry that she wanted to laugh.]

She knew, if she said that she loved him, if she agreed, all of her previous blunders would be wiped clean. 

Maybe it would be a good opportunity for her to put forth an act that gambled the success of her future.

But playing according to her fate was something that Senelia found truly hateful. 

This wouldn’t have happened if Benelucia knew what she was thinking and how long he had agonized over those thoughts and actions before she made a move.

But aside from that fact, Senelia wasn’t angry.

Anyway, this is how he thoughtlessly behaves. Haven’t I already experienced this for the past eight years?

Anyway, this is what Venerucia looks like, isn’t it that I’ve been watching it for 8 years?

Senelia did not realize that she had forgotten to conceal her anger and when to express it at the opportune moments. 

Eight years!

It was the long, challenging years that had changed her, being with Benelucia, that fickle man, and being dragged around by the nose by Cliff, that cold-blooded tyrant.

“Sally, even at the moment when you said you’d marry me… You never told me you loved me.”

Since when has he known?!

…

No! Now is not the time to be second guessing. 

Still, Senelia found that, without her consent, her lips slowly opened. 

After all, he was the only one she could cling to. 

“Your Majesty is always the same.”

Senelia muttered under her breath.

Benelucia spoke of love again.

Love.

Is that really that important?

Senelia couldn’t understand.

No… Since I’m not the main character from the beginning, maybe I will never understand the meaning of this love in my entire life.

She felt a small spark of jealousy ignite.

Being able to talk about love like this every time. Ha.

The fact that you, Benelucia, can afford to live in love is always given to you.

Her jealousy grew. 

“What are you talking about, Sally?”

A soft, barely audible voice had muttered her resentment, but it easily reached the ears of the sword master, Benelucia.

But the moment she heard his voice, Senelia’s emotions quickly faded away.

At this moment, what she felt was useless.

For Senelia, even her feelings were nothing more than a tool that had to be divided according to necessity and unnecessary.

“Otherwise, how could Your Majesty speak of love to me?”

Nevertheless, the reason Senelia brought up this story was simple, it was the most efficient way to avoid replying to Benelucia about love.

Even if everyone I ever met asks me for love, no one is as unworthy of it as you are.

It’s you who made me forever bury my love.

Senelia’s penetrating gaze burned, those unspoken words deeply into Benelucia’s heart.

However, there was no resentment or anger in her eyes.

Senelia was truly just asking him curiously.

And, as she expected, he couldn’t reply.

However, the outcome was slightly different from Senelia’s expectations.

What Benelucia couldn’t bear was not her accusatory words, but her eyes, which looked too calm.

And the moment he recognized the lack of emotions in those eyes, fear surged within him.

“Is it really all over like this?”

Benelucia’s voice sounded breathy, his heart felt as though it was being chased.

That was not an answer to Senelia’s question.

He didn’t spare a moment of time to apologize to her for not responding, but his lack of answer meant nothing to Senelia. 

Benelucia finally saw a fragment of Senelia’s true thoughts and feelings. 

If I quietly disappear from Senelia’s side like this… Will I have any meaning to her?

No!

He vehemently denied it.

Because no one knew the look in someone’s eyes, of those that looked at him as if he meant nothing to them, better than Benelucia.

He gritted his teeth. 

Benelucia had never imagined that he would one day remain as a nobody to Senelia.

“What if I can’t accept it?”

Benelucia could hardly calm down.

He never felt like that before. 

Even in the past, when Senelia had first said goodbye and they parted ways, he knew that it wasn’t a matter of holding on to her or not. He possessed an ingrained confidence that he could keep her by his side, without exerting much effort. 

But this time, that confidence was nowhere to be seen.

I can’t leave it like this.

And to Benelucia’s utter regret, Senelia appeared relieved at his defiance.

Like me, you can’t let me go, Sally.

Even though he was relieved to see the relief in her eyes, his mouth was bitter.

Because our relationship is always confirmed like this… it’s always through the scars we’ve left behind.

“Are you going to force it?”

Senelia asked resolutely.

Maybe, rather, this was what she wanted.

Senelia hoped that Benelucia would be thoroughly weak against the breaking of their relationship.

It goes against his convictions and he forcefully pushes the marriage she rejected…

…The opponent who broke my beliefs and forcibly tied me down.

She hoped that whenever he saw her, Benelucia would feel sorry.

Those feelings would further hold him back from leaving her for Lucalina.

It wouldn’t be a happy marriage.

Nevertheless, Senelia had to do what she had to do.

Even if it becomes a hell where we both reside…

“…Your man is me. Everyone knows that.”

Benelucia’s mouth firmly shut.

The very act of uttering such words was an act of crushing his lofty pride.

If he was an honest man, he would never have done anything to block the path of his ex-lover.

But Benelucia had never been in a situation like this before.

Benelucia was cornered for the first time in his life, and uttered words he would never have uttered had he been a normal man.

“That— That is unavoidable.”

Senelia lowered her gaze as if she would just accept his point.

Benelucia had already visited Viscount Daphnen’s funeral in person, even the emperor was there bearing witness.

Now all the nobles would consider Senelia as Benelucia’s marriage partner.

Things were worse than they had been when she was with him for eight years.

Senelia’s situation was no longer simply related to Benelucia personally as a lover, but as a person in a marriage discussion with the Imperial Family.

In other words, it was enough to break up with him in the past, but now it was like making the Imperial Family lose face.

It was said that Daphnen had immunity and would not be punished, but there were no nobles who would propose to someone who had a previous relationship with the Imperial Family.

By Senelia agreeing, she was saying that she would rather live alone for the rest of her life than marry Benelucia.

“…I will talk to you again tomorrow, you’ve had too much excitement today.”

Benelucia abruptly got up from his seat and left.

From his experiences so far, he knew best that Senelia was not a talkative person.

And Benelucia could no longer bear her utterly cutting himself off.

“It doesn’t change my mind just because tomorrow is a new day.”

Senelia spat rapidly at his retreating back.

She couldn’t help but laugh at herself as the two played out a skit together.

After all, what was the difference between me and all the other women who bid him farewell to attract Benelucia’s attention?

I hated myself.

But anyway, isn’t that what I’ve been thinking about for a long time?

I can’t the familiarity of the situation erode my conviction. 

Senelia had a lot of work to do.

“Your Majesty, I—”

“Sally.”

But perhaps fortunately, before Senelia could hate herself more in this skit they played, Veneruccia cut her off.

“Unless you really want me to force you, stop for today.”

…Please.

Not begging was the last of Benelucia’s pride.

Even if Senelia refused and Daphnen used their only immunity, her refusal would be useless if he pushed through with the marriage.

Benelucia didn’t want to do that.

Please!

He didn’t say that, he was begging her not to push him any further.

And when Senelia stopped talking, Benelucia quickly left the drawing room.

For the first time in his life, Benelucia ran away from a fight.

After Benelucia left, Senelia sat there for a while.

She could feel the clutches of exhaustion weighing down on her shoulders. 

***

The capital was buzzing with news of the banquet to welcome Lucalina’s return.

…As well as news stating that the Marquis Elihan sent an invitation to Senelia.

It was an invitation sent directly from Lucalina to Senelia, and not from the marquis.

Why did Lucalina send me an invitation?

Senelia was understandably embarrassed.

Lucalina and Senelia didn’t even know each other.

It was mostly because when Senelia came up to the capital, Lucalina had already left for the battlefield.

Moreover, the invitation contained only ceremonial content, without explaining why Lucalina was inviting Senelia.

Did you have a banquet after Lucalina came back, Benelucia?

Senelia searched through her hazy memory.

It had been eight years since she realized that she was a Thorn in the Cloracean.

As the years passed, memories of the original work gradually faded.

Thorn of Chloracean.

This one title changed Senelia’s life forever.

However, the content of the original work was made in such a way that you’d gradually forget about it even if you tried not to.

Of course, even so, it’s useless.

Yes, they held a banquet, and…?

Senelia searched through her memory.

It would have been nice to have been able to record the original work, but if Cliff de Helios found out about it, her life would have been even more difficult than it was now.

Cliff’s eyes were always watching Senelia from everywhere.

His eyes fell away only when she was withBenelucia, where he could not hide his presence because Benelucia was a sword master.

It was possible to use Korean text to prevent Cliff from reading it… but if that happened, the last bastion she had hidden would also disappear.

[T/N: Bastion — line of defense, stronghold]

So Senelia had no choice but to leave the original story as a memory.

“…Confession!!!”

Senelia jumped up from her seat after recalling a scene from the original story in her vague memories.

The welcome banquet for Lucalina’s return…

…Was where Lucalina confessed to Benelucia.