CH 40.1

Plaything? I’m treating Xie Jianwei like a plaything?

How he wish he could treat Xie Jianwei like a treasure!

—So much so, that it hurts.

However, there was absolutely no need for him to tell Xie Zhiwei this, because there’s no way the latter would believe it, no—no one would probably believe, since even the object of his affection, Xie Jianwei, was oblivious to it.  Xie Jianwei would always say that he is a nice person, and a good partner, but that was solely because he is his backer.

Lu Li wanted to tell everyone that he loves Xie Jianwei and that he wanted to be with him forever.

But what would be the consequences after saying those words? Would the clever Xie Jianwei choose to stay with him?  What  if, in the end, he doesn’t feel the same? Would Xie Jianwei still look at him? …..

Lu Li wanted to at least keep his last bit of dignity…

Another outcome that he was afraid of is Xie Jianwei alienating himself from him in order to avoid troubles and disputes with others…

Lu Li didn’t respond. He only stopped for a few seconds and continued to walking towards the door.

Xie Zhiwei abruptly got up from his seat and said in a slightly louder voice: “Don’t deceive yourself. You don’t like him at all! What’s there to like about the current Xie Jianwei?” (t/n: this btch bah)

Heartless, greedy, and sells his body without in order to climb up. What other qualities does such a man have for Lu Li to be so engrossed in him?

Xie Zhiwei was only talking about objective facts, but his words angered Lu Li.

Lu Li turned around, and a pair of dark eyes glared at the other party. His voice, like the wind blowing during winter, carried a biting chill: “You have abandoned him for so many years. Who are you to criticize him?”(t/n: preach)

Xie Zhiwei’s brows furrowed, and there was a hint of sorrow in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but Lu Li interrupted him sharply: “Xie Zhiwei, from now on, let’s go on separate ways.1 I’ve already repaid what I owe you.!”

Xie Zhiwei’ eyes opened widely, “You… you’d actually go so far for him …”

“Lu Li! Don’t forget who saved you! Don’t forget who pulled you out of that mud!” he declared loudly.

“Even so, you can’t insult him.” replied Lu Li.

These words shocked Xie Zhiwei and he immediately calmed down. After taking a deep breath, he lowered his voice: “I’m not insulting anyone. What I’m saying is that you are not suitable with each other. Think about it, he doesn’t love you, and you don’t love him either.”

It was a rather suggestive sentence. If Xie Jianwei was present, he’d surely conclude that there’s something wrong with not only Xie Zhiwei, but also his words:

“He doesn’t love you” —Xie Jianwei doesn’t love Lu Li. It’s like the underlying meaning of those words was that both the dreamscape’s and the real world’s Xie Jianwei don’t love Lu Li at all, or that perhaps,  Lu Li felt Xie Jianwei’s love for him wasn’t enough.

“You don’t love him either” —This is true, at least, on a certain point of view. Xie Zhiwei was obviously somewhat more similar to the real world’s Xie Jianwei. Since Lu Li likes the latter in reality, then in this dreamscape, the one Lu Li should like is Xie Zhiwei instead of Xie Jianwei.

However, love is a private affair. Only the two people involved could make judgments on their relationship.

No matter how “knowledgeable” outsiders think they are, they are merely spectators who couldn’t, and shouldn’t get absorbed into a two-people-relationship.

Xie Zhiwei wanted Lu Li to become skeptical. He wanted him to doubt his feelings, and make him think that he didn’t love Xie Jianwei.

But alas, Lu Li has a one-track mind. His stubborn eyes could , and would, only look at Xie Jianwei.

Under such circumstances, he would never mistake his own beloved person for someone else.

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Xie Jianwei made baked shrimp for the first time, and surprisingly, it turned out well.

Yan Ke ruefully sighed: [Military Advisor, you really can do anything.]

Although he received such praise,  Xie Jianwei did not take seriously: [Unfortunately, Lu Li wouldn’t be back for dinner. I’ll just cook it again for him next time.]

Yan Ke suddenly thought of something, and asked: [My Lord, have you considered cooking dinner for the Lord Marshal in reality?]

[Oh…..] Xie Jianwei pondered a moment and said, [Okay, bah.]

[The Marshal will be very happy.] said Yan Ke.

Xie Jianwei: [Let’s wait for this dream to come to an end!]

It seemed like he hadn’t cook a single meal for Lu Li. He wasn’t obsessed on the saying that ‘a man stays clear from the kitchen’.2Xie Jianwei simply had no chance because the nanny-type robots in the Star Age are super capable. After entering a program, it could serve any kind of food without too much trouble. Thus, with such an invention, it’s no wonder why most of the Intergalactic residents have forgotten how to cook.

Instead, Lu Li, who mostly stayed on alone on a desolate star during his younger years, would cook from time to time. He would always complain that the foods made by the nanny robot did not have a “human touch”.

What is ‘human touch’?

Xie Jianwei looked at the baked shrimps he made, and suddenly understood.

The purpose of cooking is not just to fill your stomach; it is also another way of expressing people’s hearts. The carefully prepared food represents the chef’s feelings. Love you, miss you, hate you, blame you— even if it’s just a meal cooked out of necessity— different kinds of emotions could still be conveyed through it…

The so-called cooking isn’t merely about fiddling with food but also about bringing out emotions.

Xie Jianwei’s most recent reflection was this: To love a person, don’t just blindly keep it inside your heart—show it more through your actions.

No matter how intimate two people are, their hearts are still separated by flesh and blood.  If people don’t even try to break through those boundaries, then how would the other party feel their sincerity?

As Military Advisor Xie contemplated about life, he ate his baked shrimp.

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Lu Li came back much earlier than Xie Jianwei thought.

Xie Jianwei was tidying up shrimp’s shells when the door suddenly opened

“Senior, you’re back? Why so fast?”

Lu Li couldn’t, no ¾ more like, didn’t finish his meal with Xie Zhiwei, so of course he arrived earlier than expected.

He paused, turned his wrist and loosened the cufflinks, “Yeah… It was nothing important so I left ahead of time.”

Xie Jianwei asked him, “You didn’t miss dinner, did you?”

Lu Li: “…”

Xie Jianwei’s eyes lit up and he quickly said: “The baked shrimp I made was really good. I’ll make another one for you!”

Lu Li said: “No need to trouble yourself, I’ll just let the dining hall do …”

“No trouble, this is no trouble at all! Besides, it’s really delicious, you know.” Xie Jianwei walked towards Lu Li to help him unbutton his shirt. “Just give it a taste. I’ve had a hard time learning how to make it.”

Lu Li gazed at Xie Jianwei, and after a while he smiled: “Okay.”

Xie Jianwei stood on her tiptoes and gave him a bite on the man’s chin.: “Wait for me.”

Lu Li stopped hugged Xie Jianwei’s waist and he lowered his head to kiss him.

After the long kiss, Xie Jianwei was still catching his breath when Lu Li rubbed the tip of his nose and said: “Tastes good.”

Xie Jianwei: “…”

Looking at the young man’s red cheeks, Lu Li wanted to have some ‘pre-dinner exercise’ , but  Xie Jianwei managed to slip away: “Eat the food first!”

Lu Li smiled, took off his shirt and changed into his home clothes.

He stepped barefoot on the soft carpet and glanced around the delicate and stereotypical hotel room. During his trance, he felt like a spring breeze was blowing around his heart under the warm sun.

Where is home? Here is where the person he loves, so this is home.

The baked shrimp made by Xie Jianwei was indeed delicious. Since the ingredients were fresh, as long as you cooked it carefully, it wouldn’t taste bad.

Military Advisor Xie had always been attentive on the things he does, so it was quite difficult to make the shrimp unpalatable.

Lu Li ate quietly— it can even be said that it’s nearly silent.

Xie Jianwei asked him, “Is it good?”

Lu Li was able to taste the food’s flavor, unlike last time. He tasted not only the delectable shrimp, but also some kind of sweetness that exploded on his tongue, and after flowing down his throat, it lingered over his chest.

This sweet taste made his heart tremble.

Tastes good? Of course! It was delicious—so delicious that if he’s only dreaming right now, he wouldn’t mind not waking up.

After their dinner, Lu Li went to take a bath. When he came out, he saw Xie Jianwei, who was wearing loose pajamas, lying on the bed playing games.

Lu Li approached him. Xie Jianwei immediately put down his phone and looked up at him, obviously waiting for something.

The next step should be ‘rolling on sheets together’, but Lu Li did nothing. He just sat next to Xie Jianwei, pondered for a moment and then said, “About me and Xie Zhiwei… we do not have that kind of relationship.”

“Huh?” Xie Jianwei was really surprised, Why is he suddenly talking about this? This obviously is not a good development.

But Lu Li seemed like he was determined on continuing this topic: “He saved my mother in the past and helped me after that, so I owe him a lot.”

Xie Jianwei already knew this fact, but he had to pretend that it’s the first he was hearing about it: “Oh! So it makes sense that you’d like him.”

“…” Lu Li couldn’t continue speaking for a while.

“I don’t like him, and he doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m just grateful to him, because at that time when I was under great difficulty, he helped me out. That is the debt I owed to him.”

Xie Jianwei was secretly thought “not good”, but he could only follow along: “Then … does that mean you’re not treating me as his substitute?”

“No, I don’t. You’re nothing like that.”

“Is that so … “Xie Jianwei muttered lightly.

Lu Li stared at him and called his name in a very slow and cautious tone: “Xie Jianwei …”

Yan Ke exclaimed: [Oh, no! Lord Marshal is about to confess!]

Xie Jianwei smiled bitterly: [Yeah… Talk about bad timing.] If he knew that Baked Shrimp had such power, he wouldn’t have made it in the first place!

He can’t let Lu Li confess to him now, otherwise, the script would get ruined again!

He could just reject it, but what of Lu Li’s feelings? Lu Li was pretty obvious with his actions that he wasn’t treating their relationship as merely that of a “backer and secret lover” so if he outright rejects him right now, it would be harder for him in the future to convince Lu Li that he truly loves him.

What should I do? Xie Jianwei fretted over this matter.

Another thing to consider was that although his character in this dreamscape was indeed set-up as a slag, but the “Xie Jianwei” on this dream also has his own work ethics, and is in no way stupid. “Xie Jianwei” should know that it’s easier if their relationship remains as a transaction of power and sex;  and that if love got mixed-up in it,  some kind of trouble might ensue once they break up in the future, or worse, he might end up offending Lu Li.

Once Lu Li confessed his feelings, the clever “Xie Jianwei” would definitely distance himself from Lu Li … but the problem was that Xie Jianwei doesn’t want to leave Lu Li’s side at all.

He also couldn’t accept feelings for the mean time because he played his “slag” role really well since the beginning. His actions until now had been like that of a scum through and through—a person who has kidneys but no heart .3 Therefore if he says that he also loves Lu Li, then the only rational explanation for that would be: Xie Jianwei had actually been in love with Lu Li for a long time now , but had been holding back  because Lu Li already had someone else in his heart. He acquiesced to be that white moonlight’s substitute and willingly became a kept man, just so he could stay beside Lu Li.

What’s with this fucked-up situation?

If Lu Li really began thinking in that direction, this dream would start to collapse again!

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Translator’s notes:

if you’re confused:  XJW would be in a bind if Lu Li managed to say his confession, because there’s  only two things he could if that happened, and both aren’t exactly favorable consequences:

One is to outright  reject him, but if he does, Lu Li would be hurt and it’ll be harder for XJW to  make him believe his feelings, and we all know this is a core issue.

Second is to accept it, but if he does and XJW says “yes, I love you too,” , LL wouldn’t believe it either, UNLESS XJW explains that he’d been in love  with him for a long time now, but he just couldn’t confess his feelings because he found out that LL already had someone he loves. Meaning,  through these  entire time, even if he knows he’s only being treated as a substitute, he still wanted to be with LL. But we all know that LL couldn’t stand XJW being wronged, so the dream would collapse if he finds out that XJW felt hurt and sad because of him.)