CH 40.2

What’s with this fucked-up situation?

If Lu Li really began thinking in that direction, this dream would start to collapse again!

Xie Jianwei’s original plan was this: Currently, he really doesn’t love Lu Li, and isn’t sad that the latter already had someone he loves. There’s a lot of ways to fall in love with a person in addition to the so-called ‘love at first sight’— one of it is staying together and knowing each other for a relatively long time, which was the route Xie Jianwei was aiming for. If two of them stayed together for five or six years, it’s logically possible for Xie Jianwei to fall in love with Lu Li.

In this way, Lu Li’s dream wouldn’t collapse since he(XJW) did not suffer nor did he felt hurt by a former unrequited love. Instead, he gradually fell in love with Lu Li only,  and only, after staying by Lu Li’s side for years. With this set-up, he’ll be able to comfort Lu Li’s heart smoothly and end this dream with positive results.

This plan was truly good, but something not within his expectations was happening right in front of him.

Who knows how long had Lu Li been bottling up his feelings inside, but apparently, he didn’t want to continue doing so from this moment onwards.

(t/n: Oh my god.. I really hate long explanations between characters’ dialogues like wtf ? I already forgot what the prev chara said! so here’s a flashback (the italicized ones). It’s not in the raws, but I put these here for flow-of-convo’s sake.)

“Then … does that mean you’re not treating me as his substitute?”

“No, I don’t. You’re nothing like that.”

“Is that so …”

“Xie Jianwei …”

Xie Jianwei’s brain began calculating things at a speedy manner. With a nervous heart, he ​​casually cut-off Lu Li’s next words: “It doesn’t matter, actually. You can use me as some sort of a stand-in for someone. I don’t mind.”

Lu Li felt like his warm heart was being poured with a bucket of iced water as it rapidly cooled down.

Xie Jianwei asked again: “You really don’t like Xie Zhiwei?”

Lu Li could only stare at Xie Jianwei.

“It’s better if you don’t like him. I’m actually afraid of being the third-party you know. I don’t want to carry such psychological burden. ” Xie Jianwei smile and words were like a sharp knife, heartlessly plunging into Lu Li’s heart, “You have to tell me if you ever find someone you like in the future, so that we can end our relationship and  part our ways without hard feelings.”

After listening to those words, Yan Ke thought: Military Advisor, you will be fuck to death if you continue saying such things.

Well, Xie Jianwei was also worried about this…

End our relationship and part our ways without hard feelings? That sentence echoed in Lu Li’s ears, but he didn’t say anything.

Without uttering a single word, he directly removed Xie Jianwei’s pants and without even a foreplay, he took him, fiercely.

The two did the most intimate things, but not once did Lu Li kissed Xie Jianwei.

Their most intimate parts blended with each other, but their lips did not even touch.

Xie Jianwei knew that Lu Li was angry, perhaps so angry, to the point of wanting to kill him.

Welll, anyone who tried their hardest to take their heart out just so they could express their feelings, only for it to be trampled in the end, would probably react  like this —like a person who was about to lose his mind.

But what else could Xie Jianwei do? He could only let Lu Li continue.

The two did it so many times throughout the entire night, to the point where Xie Jianwei’s entire body, even his fingertips, felt sore. His throat had also become raw that he couldn’t even beg Lu Li to stop.

He somehow managed to block that confession, but being fucked to death was definitely not within his plans.

It was already in the wee hours of the next day when Lu Li let him off. After being tossed for the whole night, Xie Jianwei was finally able to sleep, and he did so for an entire day.

But when night came, Lu Li didn’t let him out of the bed…again…

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On the third day, Xie Jianwei began to act pitiful, and as soon as he broke down in tears, Lu Li’s frozen heart began to beat again.

Xie Jianwei choked in tears: “No, I really can’t do it anymore…”

Lu Li looked at his tears in a daze.

“Lu Li, I‘m dying… I feel uncomfortable.”

Lu Li’s raging emotions calmed down, completely. Looking at Xie Jianwei’s red and swollen place, he felt distressed and regretted his rough actions.

Xie Jianwei gasped faintly and he reached out both of his arms to embrace Lu Li.

Lu Li hadn’t kissed Xie Jianwei for three days, but now, he was kissing and biting the young man’s lips so fiercely.

It was such a wild kiss, like one made by inexperience  yet  impulsive adolescent youth.

A kiss that turned despair and unwillingness, into helplessness.

Xie Jianwei did nothing wrong.

He just doesn’t love me.

…And such is the case since the beginning…

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Thus, Xie Jianwei finally managed to get out of that “small black room” scenario. 1

Yan Ke, who was able to finally see the light again after three days, sighed ruefully: [The Lord Marshal is truly brave and heroic.2 ]

Every man knows what those four words meant.

Xie Jianwei: [……]

Yan Ke tried to compare himself with the Marshal’s capability in that aspect, but : [Ahem…. That’s impossible for me…]

Xie Jianwei felt the need to explain: [You know that this is a dream, right?]

Yan Ke thought: Well, sorry for not having dreams about such a grandiose thing!

[It’s possible for some sort of distortions or misrepresentations to occur in dreams. If you do such excessive activities in real life, you’ll suffer from the consequences.]  Xie Jianwei commented.

But since it’s a dream, he felt really good. It could be assumed that the reason why he didn’t suffer that much despite their vigorous night time deeds was because that’s what the dream master wants—in short, the “God” (LL) ‘s will.

********

Xie Jianwei “disappeared” for three days which made Yán Kè  extremely worried: “My ancestor! Why couldn’t I get in touch with you recently?  We’re leaving for M country in a few days! You’ll have to quickly finish making proper arrangements and deal with some matters here before we depart!”

Xie Jianwei glanced at the piled-up work. He suddenly had an urge to anger Lu Li again so that he’d get locked up once again for another three days…

Xie Jianwei got himself busy for the next two days. Lu Li did not contact him, nor did he. Both of them had become quite cool-headed.

On the third day, Xie Jianwei finally sent a message to Lu Li with a relaxed tone: <We’re leaving the day after tomorrow. Have you finished your preparations, Senior?>

The way that message was written made it seem like those three days of darkness never happened.  Lu Li was relieved, but at the same time, felt irritated.

Relieved, because Xie Jianwei wasn’t angry.

Irritated, also because Xie Jianwei wasn’t angry.

Not only did he not take offense, he didn’t even ask for the reason why Lu Li acted that way.

Maybe, he thought that was one my, his Gold Master’s, preferences? Thinking of this, Lu Li’s mood was like a sky covered with clouds.

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When two met up the next day,  Jianwei deliberately adopted a cautious and careful attitude for  ‘his fear of annoying Lu Li’.

When Lu Li saw him acting like that, his became soft-hearted with a complete lack of bottom line.

Let’s leave things as it is. I just have to stop thinking about whether he loves me or not. It’s good enough that he’s staying by my side for now.  I’ll just wait until I’m completely unable to resist…. And when that time comes….3

With this kind of mindset, Lu Li ’s cloudy expression slowly cleared and Xie Jianwei was therefore visibly relieved and he began to speak more.

After that, it seemed like they’re back to their previous interaction but Xie Jianwei didn’t take the initiative to kiss Lu Li.

Lu Li noticed, but he said nothing.

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When the two were embracing each other, Xie Jianwei asked Lu Li in a small voice: “Senior, you don’t like kissing, right?”

Lu Li: “…”

Xie Jianwei: “I quite like it.”

How could Lu Li not like it? He just didn’t dare to do so. When they’re making love, he would, often times, get entrapped by his senses and forget his frame of mind. But not while kissing¾ not with such gesture full of affection. Every time they kiss, there was nowhere for him to hide his feelings

Xie Jianwei began to say, “If you don’t like it, then I won’t d—Mmm…” but Lu Li kissed him before he could finish.

A lingering kiss full of tenderness, like the majestic night sky that cradles countless stars.

The night sky that lets the stars flicker wantonly.

The night sky that only observes as the stars shine oh so willfully.

The majestic night sky, that remains silent and indulgent, without complaints.4

As long as he likes it, so be it.…

********

The day before their departure, Xie Jianwei received a message from an unknown person.

<Can we meet?>

Xie Jianwei checked the sender’s number, and saw at a glance that it was Xie Zhiwei’s.

Interesting… Can’t hold back anymore huh? thought Xie Jianwei as he replied:  <Who are you?>

Xie Zhiwei introduced himself.

Xie Jianwei asked, <Why do you want meet?>

<There are some things that I want to tell you.>

<About Senior Lu?>

<About you.> replied Xie Zhiwei.

Those two words were quite profound and Xie Jianwei stared at it for a while.

What is he up to?

Well, no matter what, Xie Jianwei still agreed.

After all, he had long wanted to see that guy.

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The meet-up place was a restaurant.

Xie Jianwei entered the private room and Xie Zhiwei already waiting there, waiting for him.

Yan Ke: [My lord, his appearance is somewhat similar to you from a distance, but upon closer look, it really isn’t.]

Someone could look identical to Xie Jianwei, but with the “God’s” interference, it’s pretty much useless to imitate him by only mimicking the appearance.

Xie Jianwei smiled and greeted Xie Zhiwei, and the latter motioned for him to sit down.

There’s no other food on the table except the two cups of brewed tea. The cups have a delicate design, and the tea brewed in it also tastes good. The tea’s aroma suffused the whole room, making the people inside it feel relaxed.

Xie Zhiwei looked at the man opposite him and Xie Jianwei just smiled and went straight to the point.: “May I know why Mr. Xie was looking for me?”

Xie Zhiwei: “Aren’t you curious why our names are almost alike?”

“There are a lot of coincidences in this world.”

“A coincidence that two strangers, be it their face or names, have so much resemblance?” Xie Zhiwei purposely placed an emphasis on the word ‘strangers’.

Xie Jianwei actions paused, and he had a sudden hunch in his heart.

He asked Yan Ke: [Am I Xie Zhiwei’s younger brother?]

He was still talking to Yan Ke when Xie Zhiwei pushed a file bag towards him.

“Look, this is yours.”

Xie Jianwei’s brows rose slightly. He opened the file bag, and read the information written on the papers inside.

“This …” Xie Jianwei opened his eyes wide to feign his ‘surprise’.

The files composed of paternity test report and Xie Jianwei’s life data from a small age.

There was no doubt that Xie Jianwei is a child of the Xie family¾that child who used to be ill and the youngest son who was raised as a girl.

Xie Zhiwei sighed lightly: “I’m sorry. It took us so long to find you.”

Xie Jianwei couldn’t speak for a long time.

“Now that the Xie family has become like this, I honestly didn’t want to contact you.”

Xie Jianwei could only continue on pretending to be shocked.

“I didn’t want to disturb your life. If it wasn’t for Lu Li…”

“Senior Lu?” Xie Jianwei somehow ‘recovered’, “What does this have to do with him?”

“I know that you are with him.”

Xie Jianwei back stiffened and he sat straight.

Xie Zhiwei glanced at him, “I’m not qualified to meddle about your personal life, but …” He hesitated for a moment before he finally made up his mind, “Can you break up with Lu Li?”

Stunned, it some time for Xie Jianwei to ask: “Why?”

With a sad expression, Xie Zhiwei replied: “He and I … used to be lovers.”

Yan Ke: [Goodness! This big brother is shameless!]

Xie Jianwei face showed nothing but shock, yet deep inside, he’s in a good mood: The cloven foot is finally revealed. 5

Xie Zhiwei recounted a rather heart-rending story of a young love.6

He said that he and LU Li got acquainted with each other during their younger years. The first time they met was when  he helped Lu Li on saving his(LL) mother.

Xie Zhiwei continued on helping Lu Li following that incident. Lu Li came to admire him, yet at that time, he wasn’t aware of it, and merely treated Lu Li like a younger brother.

Then, Lu Li returned to the Lu family.

The Xie and Lu households were quite close, so the two of them gradually got closer to each other and when they reached the  age of 18, Lu Li confessed to him.

Aside from the fact that they’re both men, they each belonged to prominent families; therefore, it was really impossible for them to be together.

However, Xie Zhiwei also liked Lu Li, and couldn’t bear to reject him. For that reason, they went to M country on the premise of studying together. They immersed themselves in love for a few years but the Xie family eventually found out about their relationship. Xie Zhiwei was then forced to return, yet Lu Li stayed in M ​​country.

Because Xie Zhiwei couldn’t withstand the huge pressure from the family, he compromised— he proposed a break up. Lu Li disagreed and tried to meet him, but he refused.

Later on,  Xie Zhiwei’s was already getting engaged but Lu Li still hadn’t given up, so during the engagement ceremony, Lu Li revealed their past. Xie Zhiwei got so angry  to the point where he couldn’t stop himself from  humiliating Lu Li¾ in front of countless people, he said that he did not love him,  that he should stop having such wishful thinking ……

Lu Li was thoroughly despaired . He even left the Lu family for that reason, striving to work on his own to this day.

After narrating the past events, Xie Zhiwei said with difficulty: “Jianwei, Lu Li is with you not because he likes you, but because he is retaliating against me.”

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Translator’s notes:

Tip: You can hover (or click) on the number beside the orange-colored texts to see the notes

But on romance novels, it’s taken in a somewhat more literal sense. Remember those tropes of some psycho dude kidnapping  this gurl and then he’ll locked her up, then gurl begins to understand this dude’s circumstances and starts falling in love with him (basically Stockholm, but uhm sure…) ? Killing Stalking Yeah, that. I said somewhat literal , because not all scenarios are like that, take for example, XJW’s. He’s not basically locked up,  but he still couldn’t go out because he was so tired from LL’s endless fckng, and besides he likes it.

That idiom came from the Tang dynasty poet Li Bai’s “Chang Gan Xing”:

My forehead covered by my hair cut straight,

I played with flowers pluck’d before the gate.

On hobby horse you came upon the scene,

Around the well we played with plums still green.

We lived, close neighbors on Riverside Lane,

Carefree and innocent, we children twain.

At fourteen years when I became your bride,

I’d often turn my bashful face aside. […] (Translated poem source: Wiktionary)