CH 53

Yun Qingci had seen it; had seen the disgusting appearance of his previous life.

There was no need for Yun Qingci to say more, Li Ying knew how repulsive he was.

A lot of flesh was cut off on his body and his arms and calves were disproportionately thin. He was wearing his dragon robe but no one knew that under it, he was already a ghost.

He didn’t let anyone serve him. Occasionally, a palace attendant would seek an opportunity to get close to him. After seeing his appearance, they would be so scared that they would throw themselves on the ground and kowtow again and again.

Li Ying killed many people who sneaked in hoping to get favored but unexpectedly learned of his secret. After that, no one dared to try to climb his bed.

He had killed Yun Qingci. For countless nights he wanted to reverse time and go back. He knew that his physical body would not be used anymore. When the alchemist told him that the ending of this world could not be changed, he actually felt a little relieved.

He knew that if Yun Qingci saw him like that, he would never love him again.

It was better to sacrifice, strengthen the obsession and prop up the world he hoped for.

He knew why he wanted to smash the lamp; because there was another one in his place. He knew it when he was still in that body, he knew that he would feel painful, angry and jealous.

Even if it was himself who went back.

But no matter how desperate he was, he would not break the lamp.

He had given too much, and his body was already haggard. But his mind was absolutely clear and it had to support him until the final sacrifice.

With despair and hope, he would calmly walk towards death and rebirth.

All his expectations were on this body. The day he woke up in a frenzy to see Liu Ziru’s rejuvenated face, he confirmed the time on the memorial and then drove everyone out to stand in front of a bronze mirror and look at himself.

At this time, he was still very young, and all the large, ugly, disgusting scars on his body had disappeared.

He confirmed that his face still had the appearance of the time when Yun Qingci was alive. He was young, spirited, tall and confident, with his back straight.

It was exactly the look that Yun Qingci loved the most.

He told himself that from now on, he was reborn and he would no longer be that Li Ying who was neither human nor a ghost.

He decided to say goodbye to himself who was as disgusting as a maggot.

He never wanted Yun Qingci to know how regretful, aggrieved, resentful, humble and lowly he was after his death.……

Like a mangy dog.

“It was not me.” Li Ying heard himself say, “I didn’t.”

He left the dining table, breathing lightly, and backed away, saying with conviction, “I just fell asleep and came over.” 

“I don’t know who that person is.” 

This was what Yun Qingci expected.

Li Ying would never admit that that person was him. He knew Li Ying too well. His self-esteem and his pride were greater than anything.

But Yun Qingci had too many questions. He followed and said, “Li Ying, I have seen it all. I am not mocking you. I just want to make it clear. I want to ask you plainly, what specific transactions have you made, except for raising lamps, feeding snakes and offering sacrifices… What else are you hiding from me?” 

Li Ying’s breath hitched and his eyes flashed.

Yun Qingci came up to him and said, “Say it quickly. I will forgive you if you say it. I know that you had a bad life after my death, and you don’t know how happy I am.” 

Of course Yun Qingci was happy. He had reason to be happy, whether from the perspective of being killed by Li Ying and hating him, or from the perspective of Li Ying loving him so much more than he loved him.

His happiness was undisguised as his eyes met Li Ying’s gaze.

Li Ying also understood why he was happy, and he could even understand Yun Qingci’s joy.

Although he couldn’t tell whether Yun Qingci was happy because he loved him or because he hated him.

But it didn’t stop him from looking at the light spilling out of Yun Qingci’s beautiful eyes and feeling a wave of agonizing happiness.

“Are you really that happy?” 

“Yes.” Yun Qingci said, “I am happy. If I saw you doing well, I would definitely be heartbroken.”

Li Ying suddenly smiled, and a glimmer of light appeared in his glowing eyes.

“Actually there is more.” 

“What else?” 

“Also, because of my obsession to go back to the past, if you are no longer what you were, my obsession will backlash and I will not be free of it until I die.” 

Yun Qingci thought of that day when he demanded separation. He thought that Li Ying was so angry with him that he vomited blood, but it turned out that it was a backlash.

“Also.” Li Ying said: “Although I am here, he and I are still the same person in essence. The bond between us is hard to break. We feel the same way, and only when one dies can the other live… only when he dies, can I live. Only in this way can the world remain as it is, otherwise it will collapse.” 

Yun Qingci blinked and said, “What else?” 

“And… after his death, because of him feeling the agony of ten thousand worms before he died, this pain will stay with me forever.” 

Yun Qingci was stunned.

“Ah Ci, are you happy?” Li Ying said, “As long as you don’t touch me, I will always be in pain. I can’t do without you. If you leave me, I will either be in pain or die. I will never have a good life without you.”

Yun Qingci said unconsciously: “En, happy…”

And a little bit sad.

He took a step forward, but Li Ying took a step back.

He smiled slightly and said, “Ah Ci, this is all my retribution. When you loved me, I disliked you for being too clingy. Now when you don’t love me, I do my best to get close to you… You must be happy. If you are happy, I will be happy too. I will always be in pain for you to see. If you are unhappy one day, just come and look at me. If you want to see me live like a mangy dog like in your dream, I will also show you… I have a knife and there is still a lot of flesh on my arms for the snake… I can cut it in front of you, you don’t need to care whether that person is me, because from beginning to end, there is only one Li Ying, the one that loves you.” 

Yun Qingci’s lips trembled.

“Ah Ci, why are you crying?” Li Ying turned his face to take a look, took a few steps and picked up a dagger from the head of the bed, saying, “Ah Ci, don’t be unhappy, I’ll show you…”

He shook off the scabbard and pulled up his cuffs. The dagger flashed with cold light, cutting straight to his arm——

Yun Qingci suddenly rushed towards him.

Li Ying hurriedly moved the dagger away. His long hair swayed slightly from the impact and he backed away a little as the sharp pain receded and a warm person tucked himself in his arms.

Yun Qingci blushed: “Who, who will be happy to see this.” 

Li Ying didn’t move; he lowered his eyes to look at Yun Qingci, his expression a little dazed.

Yun Qingci put his arms around his waist and said aggrieved: “I am very happy that you were having a bad time, but I still feel distressed. I thought at that time, you might as well come to me when you are dead… But I thought again, if I didn’t see you like that, I would definitely not be reconciled with death.” 

Li Ying couldn’t understand him.

Yun Qingci wiped his tears on his chest, raised his face and asked, “Why don’t you speak?” ”

“…” Li Ying glanced at the dagger in his hand.

“Throw it away.” 

The dagger fell on the ground.

“In the future, you are not allowed to hurt yourself without my permission.” 

Li Ying: “…aren’t you sick of me?” 

“Sick.” Yun Qingci said, “I’ve always been sick of you.”

“……”

“But I have always liked you too.” Yun Qingci thought for a while, then corrected: “No, when I just came back to life and didn’t know you were having a bad time, I hated you so much at that time and didn’t like you at all.”

Li Ying glanced at him, thought for a moment, and said, “You came to find me this time just to forgive me?” 

“En.” 

“…then why didn’t you say it?” 

“I didn’t think about how to say it.” Yun Qingci said, “But didn’t I sleep with you? I didn’t even leave when you kicked me out. Weren’t my actions obvious enough?” 

“I didn’t kick you out.” 

“You let me go back to the palace.” 

“You wanted to go back to the palace by yourself.” 

“I say I want to go and you just let me go. Don’t you love me?” Yun Qingci said, “Couldn’t you have stopped me?” ”

“…I thought you hated me.” 

“If I hate you, why would I come to you?” 

“…” Li Ying had nothing to say.

Yun Qingci hugged him without letting go and said, “You scared me just now.” 

Li Ying: “……”

He took another step back, feeling a little numb. He thought that Yun Qingci would be happy to see him in pain, but in Yun Qingci’s eyes, he was probably just a madman.

Yun Qingci followed him, and Li Ying sat on the bed, turning his face away slightly.

Yun Qingci tilted his head to look at him and said, “Li Ying.” 

“En.” 

“Why don’t you say anything?” 

“Say what?” 

“I forgive you.” 

“…Thank you, Ah Ci.” Li Ying finally regained his senses. He looked at his Lord Empress and said, “Then you, won’t separate from me?” ”

“I forgive you, why should I separate from you?” Yun Qingci said, “Now, don’t you have something to say?” ”

“While you were in a coma, teacher…”

“I just fell asleep.” 

“Well, when you were asleep, he told me a lot. He hoped that we would be peacefully separated, and I also promised…”

His lips were kissed by Yun Qingci and parted at the first touch. Yun Qingci looked at him while lying in his arms and said, “Why do you always like to think so much, my father is not here now.” 

“I just said that there was such a thing…”

Yun Qingci kissed him again and said, “Just live in the moment, don’t ruin my mood.” 

This was the difference between him and Yun Qingci. When Yun Qingci wanted to do something, he needed to do it right away. He was impatient, resolute and everything had to be according to his wish.

And he always thought too much.

Li Ying looked at him for a while, then whispered, “What’s your mood?” 

The corners of Yun Qingci’s mouth rose and he said expectantly: “It’s dark.” 

Li Ying slowly stretched out his arms and tentatively embraced him. Yun Qingci didn’t shrink away. He tightened his arms and hugged the Lord Empress on his lap. Yun Qingci immediately raised his face, put the tip of his nose against his nose and said, “I want to kiss.” 

The bridge of Li Ying’s nose was too tall, and he always had to turn his nose sideways when kissing. Yun Qingci was kissed, but before he could continue, his stomach growled twice.

Li Ying: “…let’s eat first.” 

“Mmm.” Yun Qingci was unhappy.

Li Ying kissed him again and said softly: “Go to the table first.” 

Yun Qingci nodded, raised his arms and hugged his neck tightly, saying, “Hold me.” 

Li Ying’s heart clenched and his eyes burned.

Yun Qingci hadn’t spoken to him like this for a long time.

For twelve years.

Only at this moment did he realize how much he loved Yun Qingci like this.

Clinging to him, loving him and trusting him with all his heart.

In their previous life, they had not reached that point. It was all his fault.

He hugged Yun Qingci tightly, calming his emotions with difficulty.

Yun Qingci was waiting for him to carry him to the table, but Li Ying didn’t get up for a long time, so he panicked a little.

“Li Ying, are you too old for that?”