[AWUOR]
Endless pain.
That was what Hawi had begged Rukiya to free her of, but how was the Greyson alpha supposed to do that, when each time she looked around, her love interest was fixing someone else?
Rukiya knew what Hawi was going through was unfair and she wanted to go and murder Jer herself so she could put an end to this, but then the woman resting on her shoulders had always had just one motto.
"Where suffering is owed, death is too good a mercy," Hawi always said.
However, right now, Rukiya wished she could ignore her mate's words and let everything take its course. She couldn't handle seeing Hawi in so much pain and being helpless at the same time.
Despite being one of the strongest wolves alive, Rukiya felt weak, given there was nothing she could do to take Hawi's pain or even make it go away. It was too much even for her, and she wasn't sure what would make sense.
"Awuor! Rukiya!" Mbali's voice bit through the quiet camp.
She had just come from Sicario and Malika already told her where Hawi was. Malika knew she was not in a position to help, but she was sure Mbali could do something about Hawi's situation.
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Maybe that was also why she let Mbali come over even though Rukiya had wanted to be alone with her mate. Some things were beyond what was easily comprehensible and Awuor Hawi was certainly at the top of that list.
"Jabali?" Hawi whispered defeatedly as she lifted her head from Rukiya's shoulders and looked around.
"Oh Hawi," Mbali said when she reached the duo and saw the state that Hawi was in.
"Are you okay? Well, it's a stupid question, but are you okay now? Are you hurt? Do we need to get you to Olyana? Why did Malika leave you in this state? Is Rukiya hurting?
Is that why you can't leave her side?"
Mbali's endless questions weren't surprising to Rukiya, save for the last one. She couldn't understand how a woman who had gone through hell and back would still be here because Ruiya was hurting.
But was she?
"What does that mean?" Rukiya asked while Mbali just stared at the tired and bloodied alpha. She wanted to say something, anything to make Hawi feel better, but she knew that nothing would make it better.
"Let me take him home, Hawi. Let us bury him while you both take care of each other," Mbali said, ignoring Rukiya who was still not understanding whatever was happening with these two.
"You're messing with me, right?" Hawi asked, the denial so obvious. She couldn't deal with this right now. She was not even ready to say goodbye to her father and now she was being told shit about some heat she wasn't interested in?
"I am sworn to never lie to you, woman. Why the fuck would I bring up your intimate shit when you're in mourning?" Mbali asked but Hawi was not ready for it.
"No way. That's bullshit," Hawi said as Rukiya gently got up. She could feel the changes in her body and knew Mbali was right. However, she could tell that Hawi wasn't ready for this, so she wasn't going to force her out there.
"I'll leave. The Greyson army will stay and give you the support you need, Hawi. I'll be home, if you need me," Rukiya said and Hawi huffed like this was some sick joke.
"You serious?" Hawi asked when she noticed the dejected face Rukiya was wearing, not to mention Mbali who was staring at the Greyson alpha pitifully. Then again, could she be blamed when she was bonded to an emotionally broken person?
"Maybe you can't smell her heat because of your current state, but it will only get worse, Hawi. Go with her, be with your chosen mate. Malika and I will clean up the mess here. Don't lose the only good thing you have left because of denial," Mbali said softly.
"I... I can't attend to her heat, Mbali. Not when I'm breaking from the inside, I just can't," Hawi said defeatedly as she watched Rukiya go to Hudhayfah. She knew she would ask for a portal, but then what was Hawi to do?
She didn't want to be selfish, and she was being truthful with the Lycan warrior. She was not in the right mind to deal with her desires, much less those of another person. Hawi knew she wasn't ready, not for any affection yet.
"You don't mean that, Hawi," Mbali said before adding, "you, went after her. I know you're thinking it's insensitive to be in love when you just lost your entire family, but what about her, Hawi? Isn't she family? Is your love for her that weak?
"Is she just an aid for your vengeance? Because if that is so, then you don't need to go after her. However, if she means something to you more than the damned oath, then go Hawi. I have seen the both of you do the impossible together.
"Don't let your grief overshadow your love for her," Mbali said before taking whatever was left of the former Sicario alpha and walking away from a confused Hawi.
"Ruru, wait, baby," Hawi called out.
"You don't have to, Hawi. I understand, and I'm not mad at you for this," Rukiya said earnestly, fueling the pain that was in Hawi's heart. She had fought tooth and nail for this woman over the years that she wouldn't fuck it up, not like this.
"I'm sorry... Let me make it up to you, just the two of us, please?"
"Hawi—"
"I can't lose you."
"You won't, Hawi. You never will. If you need time to sort things out, you do that, I'll be waiting for you."
"But—"
"Hawi—" Rukiya began again, only for a fatigued Hawi to create a portal and drag Rukiya with her through it.
Maybe there was hope for them after all.