Chapter 2: Home

Chapter 2: Home

Almost had it that time, Maggie! Theres a clever girl.

Your attempts at encouragement are unnecessary, but appreciated.

Come on then, lets get you back on your feet.

Joe offered his hand to the fallen black-haired girl, and she readily accepted it. He pulled her back upright and kept a firm grip on her as she took a wary step forward with her left leg, then her right. She wobbled furiously, but managed to keep herself from falling over this time. She kept taking uneasy steps, which saw her clumsy and awkward gait straighten out bit by bit. Several more minutes of practice later, she was gliding along with confidence and grace.

There you go, Joe encouraged her some more. Told you walking wasnt that hard.

You are mistaken yet again. Walking is, in fact, quite challenging.

At least that was how things seemed to a cosmic being that hadnt had a body of flesh and blood until earlier that day. The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other only seemed effortless to someone like Joe because he didnt consider exactly what went into it. Between the synapses that had to fire and all the muscles that had to work together in near-perfect harmony, it had taken Magh'rathlak the better part of an hour to figure it all out. The same happened with breathing, talking, and blinking, although those were much easier to master.

When considering all of the computational power that goes into these basic needs, Im starting to understand why you humans still cant figure out dark matter manipulation.

Well, we cant all be hyper-intelligent mega-beings from the void, can we? I mean, I hear most newborns take about a year to pick up talking and walking, and you figured it all out in no time flat. Thats mighty impressive from where Im standing.

Your attempts at flattery are endearing in their futility.

Hahaha. Well, mum always said I was a real charmer. Shame youre the only lady to agree with her.

I theorize it is your lack of personal responsibility and accountability that are the primary factor behind your courting difficulties.

Haha haha yeah probably

Being told his flaws in such a direct and grandiose fashion had bruised the simple mans pride, causing his smile to strain and his mood to plummet.

Are you alright, Joe? Maggie looked up at him. Your change in expression and heart rate suggest you are experiencing distress.

Uhm, kind of. Its just that being bluntly told the ways I suck kind of hurt my feelings.

This was not my intent. My goal was to point out your flaws so that you might rectify them, not to attack the contents of your character.

No, I know you mean well. Its just that, us blokes arent good at handling harsh truths like that. So, could you not?

I comprehend.

Her swirling eyes once more flashed for a split second as that inconsequential information was committed to her vast consciousness.

Anyway, since you got your legs in order, shall we go back to my place?

Indeed. I am eager to witness the conditions in which you dwell.

With that, Maggie and Joe finally left the cultist compound where they had met and entered the streets of mega-city Dave-156. This vast, sprawling settlement alone contained about a third of the seventeen billion people that made up the global population of Butterpond-4. As its name would suggest, this world was the fourth one in orbit around the white star Butterpond, which was but one of eighty six systems ruled over by the 3rd British Empire, or 3BE for short. This interstellar government was itself part of an even larger organization called the Federation of Allied Governments.

Very little of that concerned Joe, however. He was just a random face among the endless masses of his homeworld. Or at least he used to be, prior to meeting Maggie. The cosmic entity wearing the skin of a pale young girl attracted all kinds of stares as the couple walked through the streets of Dave-156. At least they werent still naked. Maggie had used her skills at matter manipulation to fashion a rather sharp red-and-gold suit for Joe and a matching dress for herself out of the dead cultists robes.

Though the man was glad he didnt have to walk around with his jimmies rustling in the breeze, he wasnt all that comfortable with this formal style of dress. Still, his new contractually-obligated girlfriend - for lack of a better term - had made these clothes for him, and he did not want to offend her by refusing to wear them. Ideally he wouldve gotten the old RetroStyle T-shirt and jeans he had prior to the whole ritual thing, but some insensitive prick had put a plasma bolt right through his locker.

As he walked the girl-thing back towards his flat, however, Joe couldnt help but notice she seemed to be staring at him rather intently. Though there was something terrifyingly beautiful about those swirling black pits she called eyes, her unflinching gaze just made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

Blink, Maggie, he reminded her. If youre going to use a human-ish body, you need to use it right.

I will endeavor to do so in the future, Joe. However, at this moment I am busy.

Oh? Doing what?

Counting atoms.

Woah, you can see atoms?

Yes.

Thats downright impressive, probably. And youre counting mine?

Yes.

Well, how many do I have?

That is what I am attempting to determine.

Right. Though, could you tone it down a bit? I think youre making my right eye water, he wiped at the damp spot on his cheek. No, wait. Thats blood.

I offer apologies, Maggie looked away. I tend to get absorbed in my work and put too much effort into my studies.

Its okay. Thats what Im here for, right?

That response made her a bit happy, though not enough to warrant comment.

So whats the issue with my atoms that you cant count them all?

You keep losing them.

Im sorry, what? Im losing atoms?

Indeed. Continuously, at that.

Thats Is that normal?

It is, as far as I can gather from the other flesh-forms. Do not be concerned, Joe. It is not at a rate that should cause you harm, but is still significant enough to challenge my calculations.

Ah. Thats good, I suppose. So, which atoms am I losing?

Those you expel from your lungs and the ones that peel off along with your dead skin, among others. Fret not, for I have taken the liberty of collecting them.

Maggie raised her left hand to reveal that her slender pale fingers were pinching what looked like a tiny brown ball of something.

Maggie smiled widely, at least for her. It was the first time anyone had said the words good job in such a pure yet trivial fashion. Hearing that made her a bit happy, though not enough to warrant a comment.

Come on, then. Lets get up to my place. Its only about Ah, bollocks! I missed my soaps!

Hed completely lost track of time since hed been rather engrossed in helping Maggie get her land legs earlier.

I have been meaning to inquire after these soaps, Joe. What are they? she asked with a slight tilt of her head.

Oh, its short for soap opera, just a bit of drama-based entertainment. This season is really top-notch, though. I really didnt want to miss Love At First Flight, but Ah well, no biggie. Ill just catch the rerun tomorrow.

Curious. I wish to experience these soaps that interest you so.

Do you? Well, Im all for marathons, but I dont think we have the time to rewatch all one thousand and eighty seven episodes to get you caught up all the way, so the last thirty will have to do.

These episodes, are they stored somewhere as data?

Yeah, I got box-sets of all the previous seasons in my flat.

Show me these box-sets.

Joe nodded and wasted no time guiding Maggie to the hyper-scraper where he lived. The suspended streets they had been using all that time hovered around the fiftieth level of the mega-city, and Joes apartment was on the sixty-sixth. However, upon entering the space, it became clear that apartment was perhaps too strong a word. It was a tiny space about five meters wide, four meters long, and two-and-a-half meters tall. Most of it was taken up by a bulky pod-like device that looked positively ancient. Its off-white metallic surface was covered in various scrapes, bumps, and stains while the mechanism that operated its sliding glass door seemed to hiss angrily whenever it closed or opened. There was no other furniture or decor in the claustrophobic space, save for a picture of a smiling old cyborg lady hanging from the wall. According to the inscription on the frame, this was apparently Mechalizabeth II, Eternal God-Queen of the 3rd British Empire.

Well, here we are. Casa de Mulligan, as them spinyards like to say.

You live in this tiny space?

Yup. Been here for as long as I can remember, really.

Would you not prefer to reside in a more spacious chamber, like the one where we first encountered one another?

Oh, no. I cant afford that sort of place, you kidding me? Im not important enough to have a job like Greg did.

Indeed, in this society those who enjoyed the benefits of employment were less than 0.1% of the population. Anyone with a steady job was therefore seen as someone of prestige and importance. The only reason Greg had been able to get so many suckers to sign up for his Cult of the Gazing Star had been because of his status as a gainfully employed citizen. Everyone else had no choice but to make do with whatever the state provided. In Joes case, it was this tiny apartment, a monthly allowance, and a Full Immersion Pod 3,000. All he had to do to keep these seemingly meagre benefits was to wave at the picture of the Eternal God-Queen at least once every twenty four hours.

How do you survive in such conditions? Maggie inquired.

Oh, I just plug into that pod over there.

*BEEP*

Said machine suddenly let out a sharp noise that implied disapproval.

Sorry, the Full Immersion Pod Three Thousand, Trademark.

*Beep*

This time it responded with a far more affirmative-sounding noise.

They get touchy when you dont refer to them by their full name, Joe whispered.

It was a sentiment that Magh'rathlak the Observer could completely understand, though that was hardly the most pressing concern in her mind.

So, this Full Immersion Pod Three Thousand, Trademark?

*Beep*

It cares for you?

Yep. Food, drink, sleep, clothing, health, personal hygiene, it does it all. Meanwhile I can just plug myself into virtual reality and have fun watching shows, playing games, and all kinds of other things. I mean, I could practically spend my whole life in there if not for the crushing loneliness that stems from the complete and total lack of actual human contact.

Fascinating. I would like to experience this virtual reality.

Oh, for sure. I hear its miles ahead of what it used to be just a few decades ago, you know. The Full Immersion Pod Three Thousand, Trademark, he paused for the beep, even has, uhm, m-multi-port support.

What does that entail?

It means we can both, er, plug into the same machine. Its a bit of a t-tight squeeze, or so Im told, but- Ah, bollocks, his nervous enthusiasm instantly vanished. You dont have a PnP chip, do you?

Are you referring to the device surgically affixed to your spinal column?

Yeah.

I have not incorporated such a machine into my vessel, no.

Well, this is a bit awkward, Joe scratched his neck. Cant really jack into VR without one.

Then, what of these soap-box-sets you mentioned? Are those available?

Afraid not. Theyre digital, not physical. Gotta plug in to see them.

This is unacceptable. I wish to negotiate with this machine.

*BEEP*

I dont think thats a very good idea. Do you even know anything about it? Because I sure dont.

*BEEEEP!*

Not especially, but I have studied much of your technology on the way here.

Maggie raised her hand, prompting tendrils of shadow to ooze from it as her swirling gaze affixed itself upon the inconsiderate contraption.

I believe I can manage.

*B-beep?*

If there was ever such a thing as an anxious beep, that sound was most definitely it.