Chapter 3: Romance

Chapter 3: Romance

Joe paced nervously outside the door to his apartment. Maggie had asked him to wait outside while she negotiated with the virtual reality pod he did not exactly own, and he had decided to trust that she wouldnt break it. However, that had been before he started hearing all those strange noises. The ones that went clang or don-don-don were expected, but the shlorp and graaaaa sounds were not. He briefly contemplated shutting the slightly ajar door all the way so that the soundproofing would kick in, but found himself too morbidly curious as to what was going on inside. Unfortunately, while it was safe to listen, Maggie had told him to not peek inside under any circumstances. That ominous warning coupled with the bizarre sounds led Joe to realize something.

Maybe, just maybe, it had not been the best idea to agree to act as the anchor to a deific entity of eldritch and unspeakable origins that described his home reality as fragile on multiple occasions. His biggest worry was that if she broke his government-provided Full Immersion Pod 3,000 it would sorely displease and disappoint the Eternal God-Queen. That was something no sane citizen of the 3BE would dare risk. Not only that but it would take anywhere between a day and a week to get a replacement, and Joe did not exactly know how to feed, clothe, and bathe himself without its help. He was hardly alone in this respect. Humanitys unceasing over-reliance on technology had led to the vast majority of them growing dangerously dependent on their machines and computers.

Hello, Mr. Mulligan!

That chipper voice nearly gave the man a heart attack. He had been so focused on his girl troubles that he hadnt noticed when one of his neighbors had walked up.

Ah, good afternoon, Ms. Mandrake, he replied after collecting his wits. Out and about yet again, are we?

Edith Mandrake was far a more attractive woman than her name would suggest. She was rather on the short side, with a petite and dainty figure. Her short ginger hair was styled in a lopsided bob-cut and her face had a set of calming and relaxing features that seemed custom-made to put mens hearts at ease. Because they were. She was the proud recipient of the beta version of the AdoraCute gene-mod package. Not that she needed it, in Joes opinion. He thought her natural appearance had been perfectly fine. Edith herself had not been content with fine, however, so she had applied for and had subsequently been approved to receive the experimental medical treatment.

She also had a habit of using her smaller frame and stature to sneak up on people, so her startling Joe outside his apartment was actually a rather common occurrence.

Indeed I am, Edith smiled. I was just coming back to have my pod touch up my make-up actually. I happened to see this pupper on the way to the museum and it was so gosh-darn cute it made my eyes water.

Thats rather unfortunate. Or fortunate, depending on how you look at it. It isnt every day you see a pupper, after all.

A very good point, Mr. Mulligan. But enough about me, what are you up to?

Nothing much. Why do you ask?

Well, I couldnt help but notice your suit. Is it new? I must say, red with gold trim really isnt your color.

Ahaha, you may have a point there. I did feel like a dorinthian monkey in this at first, but it grew on me.

Where did you get it? You better not have blown your allowance on this.

Oh, heavens, no. Its just something I got from this elaborate event I attended. Kind of a souvenir, you see.

An event, eh? Is that why youve been pacing up and down the hall like a lemming for the past ten minutes?

Hold on, now. Youve been watching me for that long?

Not intentionally. I was waiting for you to go away because I didnt want anyone to see my runny mascara. Eventually my curiosity won out, so I came over to see if you were alright.

Anyone who knew Joe Mulligan understood that the man was ridiculously resistant to stress, so Edith couldnt help but wonder what sort of unspeakable catastrophe had occurred to make him worried.

Oh, Im perfectly fine. There was an issue with my pod, you see. A mate of mine is looking into it as a favor.

The neighbor-ladys eyes narrowed suspiciously. Joe had always been a terrible liar.

Someone you know, eh? Not the buildings pod technician?

I suppose?

Youre not getting one of them custom addons installed, are you?

I guess I am.

Oh, dear. I hear those are prone to all kinds of malfunctions and whatnot. Not to mention the superintendent will have your butt on a platter if you didnt clear it with her first.

Im sure itll be fine, Ms. Mandrake.

I hope for your sake youre right. I do so worry about you.

*KHRKHRT-SCREEEEEAK*

The conversation was interrupted by a rather horrific noise from Joes apartment. The door then slowly creaked outwards, allowing several thick puffs of glittery purple smoke to escape from inside. Maggie squeezed out and shut it closed behind her, seemingly careful not to reveal what had transpired within. Her void-bearing gaze was transfixed upon Edith, who was positively shocked to see her. However, unlike that heckler on the street, the neighbor seemed taken aback with delight more than anything else.

Why, Mr. Mulligan! You didnt mention your friend was such a lovely lady! Go on then, introduce us, why dont you?

Indeed, the black-haired girl spoke dryly. Reveal the nature of your relationship with this individual, Joe.

The man was more than a bit uncomfortable with the situation, but went along with it anyway.

Maggie, this is Ms. Mandrake, my next-door neighbor. Ms. Mandrake, this is Maggie, were, uh, very recent acquaintances.

The recent acquaintance looked towards Joe with a terrifyingly probing look.

I see. You must have met at that event you mentioned, the woman eyed their matching outfits. In that case, if youre done with Mr. Mulligans pod, would you like to come in and see mine, Miss Maggie?

You have not been permitted to refer to me as such.

Oh, my, Edith raised her eyebrows and held her hand up to her chest. She is quite forceful, isnt she?

You cannot even begin to fathom how woefully inadequate that term is.

Ladies, ladies, please, Joe stepped in between them. Im sure well have plenty of opportunity to chat later, but for now, Maggie, Im eager to see how well you handled the, uh, modifications you were talking about. And Ms. Mandrake, didnt you have a pub to attend?

Dearie me, youre right! Edith immediately backed off. Until we meet again, then. Excuse me.

And with that, the nosy neighbor trotted inside her apartment and slammed the door shut.

Joe, why did you not reveal our bonded nature? Maggie immediately asked.

Look, I can explain, lets just get in before anyone else walks by.

He had every intention of justifying his reluctant behavior, but what awaited him behind that door completely derailed his train of thought.

The Full Immersion Pod 3,000 was still there and mostly in one piece, but there were a few noticeable additions to its clinically white and slightly scuffed frame. For starters, a service panel on the side was leaking some pitch-black goo that fell to the floor in large globs before instantly evaporating. There was also a gash in the metal casing on the interior of the machine that was about the thickness and length of Joes forearm, through which he could see some unidentifiable pink flesh that pulsated rhythmically. Last and certainly not least, the little red light that liked to beep aggressively whenever someone failed to refer to the device by its full name and model number had been replaced. In its spot was a glassy round eye the size of a golf ball, with a green iris and a black square for a pupil. It was tearing up slightly and did not seem capable of blinking.

This is incredible! Joe shouted despite himself. Its the coolest pod Ive ever seen!

It pleases me that you approve, Maggie stated, her ire momentarily forgotten.

How could I not?! Just look at it! Ill be the envy of all the guys at the pub! Oh, wait. Blimey, Ms. Mandrake was right, I really shouldve cleared this with the superintendent first.

Indeed? the unfathomable beings displeasure resurfaced. I am still waiting to hear your justification for obscuring our relationship, Joe.

At first, she had a stone-dead passive look that was completely inanimate. At around season three, the corners of her mouth and eyes started twitching. A hundred and seventy episodes later her lips were rapidly pursing, parting, and clenching while her swirling pupils dilated and contracted. By the time she reached the midpoint of the series her whole face flickered between a myriad of emotions like joy, sorrow, mirth, anger, and disappointment. Joe watched all this with bated breath as he watched Maggie react to various developments within the show at rapid speeds.

But, as per usual, the cosmic entity put too much effort into its studies. The perfectly natural facial expressions gradually grew distorted and exaggerated as they mimicked the melodramatic actions of the characters. Figuring it was probably a good thing to stop her before she took things too far, Joe tried to snap Maggie out of it. Unfortunately, calling out to her, snapping his fingers, and other attempts to get her attention went unnoticed. She refused to respond even during the split-second gap when she was switching episodes. Joe then did the next most natural thing he could think of, and put a hand on Maggies shoulder with the intent to shake her a little.

Naturally, this being Joes natural instinct, it was an incredibly ill-thought out choice of action.

The next thing he knew he found himself inside episode eight-nine-zero of Love At First Flight, like a disembodied ghost hovering through the fictional world of the show. This particular scene was an argument between the main heroine and her arch rival at the time that seemed frighteningly more realistic than he remembered it. He directed his gaze to his left, whereupon he saw an uncountable array of alien eyes swimming in an infinite sea of eternal darkness. In the next instant, all of those mismatched gazes fell on him, and Joe found himself ejected back into the real world. He woke up in a daze and glanced around, wondering when he had fallen out of the pod and onto the ground of his apartment. And for that matter, what was the deal with that pretty black-haired girl hovering over him.

M-Maggie? What- Argh!

It was only then that he noticed his killer headache and the rather worrying amount of blood leaking from his nose and ears.

You idiot! she cried, clearly distraught. Why did you meld with me?! You couldve died! You utter and total waste of protoplasm!

She slammed her tiny fist against his chest, which was a much heavier blow than it first appeared.

Urk. C-could you calm down? Youre not exactly helping, here.

Those words seemed to snap the strange girl from her unusually emotional state. Her face steadily defaulted back to its overwhelmingly neutral state. She pulled back and sat patiently in a kneeling position as she waited for Joe to recover from the psionic overload he unwittingly stumbled into. His untrained mind had nearly shattered from the stress of experiencing Maggies five-hundred-to-one playback speed on top of the four-to-one time dilation factor the virtual simulation was already running under.

I apologize, Maggie spoke in her usual soft tone. I should have warned you to not interact with me in that state.

Ah Well, live and learn, as they say.

The wisdom in those words belies their simplicity.

After five awkwardly silent minutes, Joe felt well enough to stand up with a little help from Maggie.

I take it you enjoyed Life After First Light?

Love At First Flight, she corrected him.

Right, that. Sorry, brains still a bit scrambled.

It was immensely educational, yes. I have comprehended much from it. Concepts such as love, romance, jealousy, and familial bonds are much clearer to me.

You look a lot livelier, too.

To what are you referring to, Joe? she looked confused.

Your face. You finally learned how to use it properly.

The girls eyes widened in surprise while also turning inwards in their sockets.

Uh, except for that part. Human eyes dont they dont work like that.

I was merely confirming my own state of being, she normalized her gaze. You are correct, Joe. I seem to have absorbed subliminal knowledge of facial expressions through this incident. Though this was not my intention, it is a welcome boon.

Ill say. I dont mean this in a bad way, but there was something deeply beautiful about your crying face.

The man noticed her pale cheeks turn a shade pinker for a few precious moments.

I must take greater caution when consuming your media in the future, she was back to her usual self. Its ability to evoke emotion through fictional scenarios is foreign and intoxicating.

I think youre just immersing yourself too much. For a moment there it looked as if you were actually in the show. What was that?

I would rather not spend the seventy six hours necessary to fully explain my methods at this very moment.

Could you, I dunno, give me the short version? Something even a knobhead like me can understand?

Maggies eyes flashed several times as she tried to dumb the subject down to its barest, most offensively simplistic essence.

I used the data at my disposal to create a mental simulation of the events depicted in the programme.

Thats actually incredible. Do you think you can, you know, do that for me? Without frying my brain, I mean.

The girl squinted in a disapproving manner.

It is possible, but what do you hope to achieve by asking this of me?

Because that was awesome, and I wanna experience it fully.

You would risk your state of being over mere entertainment?

It sounds bad when you put it like that, but I trust you to handle me with care.

Maggie relaxed her face and smiled slightly for a moment.

Your belief in my abilities is reassuring. However, I must first devise the appropriate methods that take your physiology into account. This will require time.

Thats great! Any idea how long thatll be?

At least until I am finished with the rest of the season. Abby is a deceitful existence that must be purged from the face of reality, and I am eager to see it happen.

Oh, boy. Youre in for a treat, in that case. In episode nine-oh-one, she-

*THWACK*

Joe reeled from Maggies sudden slap, though the force behind it made it feel more like he had just been haymakered by a truck.

What was that for?

He looked back to the girl while clutching his sore jaw, only to have his entirely justified moment of outrage fizzle out before her glare of pure and unfiltered fury.

Joe Mulligan, her voice echoed unnaturally. Reveal this plot development to me and you shall spend the rest of your days as a tassarian mouse called Rupert. Do you comprehend?

Yes, maam.

Cosmic entities from beyond the veil of reality were apparently quite zealous when it came to avoiding spoilers.