Chapter 21: Fashion

Chapter 21: Fashion

Joe took long, measured breaths in an attempt to steel himself. He knew this moment would come eventually. He had seen it in dozens of films, games, soaps, and basically any other medium capable of telling a love story. It was practically an inevitability in any relationship, and he had quietly been dreading it for a while now. Some part of him had hoped that, being who she was, his girlfriend would defy expectations and avoid this event altogether. However, it would appear that there were some universal constants that not even the Class-3 cosmic entity could escape from. And, being bound to her, the man had no choice but to get dragged into it as well.

In other words, it was time for Joe to accompany Maggie while she bought clothes.

Do I really need to be here for this? he pleaded.

Yes, she adamantly stated.

But we couldve just stayed home and tried stuff on in VR and ordered it online instead of going to an actual store!

I considered this. However, V-Life does not emulate the molecular structure of objects, among other things. I have therefore deemed it unsuitable for the task.

Is counting atoms really that important? Joe groaned.

I refuse to purchase clothes I will not wear, and I will not wear clothes that I do not find comfortable, which requires an agreeable molecular structure.

The man sighed and groaned some more, but Maggie was right as per usual. Virtual reality tended to present idealized versions of goods and products. It was a common marketing strategy meant to entice people into buying things that were blatantly not as good as advertised. This was especially true of food and clothes. Trying such things for real before buying them was the prudent and responsible thing to do. What bothered Joe the most, however, was that Maggie really didnt need to go through that trouble.

Cant you just space-magic your outfit into something else if youre bored of it?

She had done that before. Several times, in fact. It was how she got her current form-fitting shoulderless dress with the thigh-high slit on the side. Which, incidentally, looked absolutely smashing on her. In Joes modest opinion, that outfit suited her so well that the mere suggestion of her wearing anything else felt almost criminal, or even borderline blasphemous. Granted, the sight of her wearing his pajamas several days ago was quite something, but the black dress was better by far.

Do you believe molecular transmutation to be a simple feat? the girl calmly inquired.

Er maybe? It doesnt sound easy when you put it like that, but you dont seem to struggle with it.

That is merely my, poker face, Joe, she used air quotes correctly for once. The exertion may not show in my expression, but I assure you, it is quite taxing. My current obligations have proven more mentally exhausting than anticipated, so I must conserve energy as much as possible.

Oh. I, uh, see.

Joe felt like a total ham sandwich for failing to consider something so obvious. Wait, no, that wasnt obvious at all, actually. How was he supposed to know that Maggie was buying clothes because she wanted to feel less tired? Oh, well. Just another quirk to add to the list. At the very least he felt a bit better about the outing now that he knew it served a practical purpose. That and, now that he thought about it, having only one pair of clothes was quite sad, in a way.

Im still not sure why I need to tag along, though, his voice was more questioning than whiny. I hope youre not expecting me to pick outfits out for you. Im rubbish at fashion.

He was the kind of bloke that wore the same old clothes for years on end just because they were comfortable, even if said garments were practically falling apart from wear and tear.

Your opinion is nevertheless of great importance to me, Maggie smiled softly. The clothes I purchase must be to your liking as much as my own.

Joe had inspired the girls current outfit. She didnt think much of it at first, but as she settled into her human vessel she began to grow quite fond of it. It genuinely looked good, in her developing opinion, and she was quite eager to see what other cute designs were out there. Creativity and imagination were things that humanity excelled at, and they poured plenty of both into their art. That was why Maggie enjoyed their creations so much, and she felt confident the medium of fashion would be no different. She was also aware her sense of aesthetics was quite skewed compared to the norm, so Joe was there to ensure she didnt buy something other people would deem weird or crazy.

Having completed his mission of helping Maggie pick out clothes, Joe got in the mood to do some shopping of his own. He had been going out and about a lot more ever since a certain someone dropped into his life, and he decided it would be prudent to get a new jacket. His old one didnt really fit him right anymore, and he definitely needed one. Mega-city Dave-156 was on the planets equatorial region and hence had consistent climate year-round, but the weather still got chilly every now and then. Especially on the lower street levels where sunlight had no hope of reaching. It took him no more than three minutes to find and then purchase the nearest baggy brown jacket that fit him. Maggie thought her own approach to shopping was efficient, but Joes method showed her that she still had much to learn.

With their selections made, purchased, and sent off for same-day home delivery, the couple silently agreed to extend their impromptu date by visiting the food court. They had a lovely time discussing the latest soap opera developments over some traditional fish and chips, though Maggie did insist on Joe getting an extra-large serving. Her plan to bulk him up was still very much in effect, but progress was slow. A lifetime of subsisting almost entirely on Noot-Goop had left him with a positively tiny stomach and underdeveloped digestive system, which made it difficult for him to eat much. His body had to adapt to his new diet before he started gaining weight, which would take quite a while.

The part Joe dreaded the most was that he would eventually need to undergo a strict regime of exercise to ensure he built up muscle instead of fat. Like any bloke, he found the notion of regular physical exertion to be profoundly unpleasant. He would still do it when the time came, because he knew Maggie only wanted what was best for him. That and the whole thing was more or less his idea. Thankfully he was now friends with AJ and Officer Maloney. Those two were in great shape, and he figured they wouldnt mind helping him out when the time came.

Speaking of their psionic roommate, Maggie had given her an especially cumbersome assignment that day. The girl had apparently hidden a fist-sized stone with her name on it somewhere in the local park, and Agent Johanson was not to return to the apartment before she found it. Furthermore, she was barred from asking her commando teammates for help and was forbidden from using any machines or electronic devices to aid in her task. This included, among other things, the elevator, which meant she had to go down and then back up over a hundred flights of stairs. The upside was that there was no time limit per-se, but shed have to sleep elsewhere if she failed to find that rock by nightfall.

Joe had no idea about any of that since AJ was gone by the time he woke up that morning. If he knew about her predicament, he wouldve had a word with Maggie about pushing the psionic too hard. Since he was blissfully unaware, he was able to enjoy both the date and his greasy lunch without reservation. At some point the two of them started discussing a potential visit to a small beach resort not too far from Dave-156, where the girl could put her newly acquired swimwear to good use. She hadnt fully submerged herself in water before and was eager to observe some fish and algae in their natural environment, so the idea appealed to her greatly. Seeing her excitement reaffirmed to Joe that he made the right decision by telling her to buy that bikini.

However, thinking back on it, he also realized he had perhaps neglected a certain aspect of clothing. Something so basic that people rarely thought about it when picking out outfits. The subject was somewhat sensitive and best discussed in private rather than over fish and chips at a food court, but Joe decided to bring it up anyway. It was better to get it out of the way now, while the two of them were still near the shops.

Uh Maggie? he piped up.

Yes, Joe? she smiled expectantly.

Dont take this the wrong way, but shouldnt you have bought some you know, he leaned in and whispered, unmentionables.

I have already deemed that such things are unnecessary, she bluntly stated.

Wait so youve been going commando this whole time?

Maggie tilted her head and did her blinky-thinky thing.

Go commando. Phrase. Informal. Wear no underpants, she flatly stated. This is accurate, yes.

Joe shut his eyes, placed his hands together, breathed in deeply, and shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.

Maggie. You need to use underwear, he spoke quietly yet firmly.

It serves no practical purpose as I have total control over my bodily functions.

Its not about function. Or fashion. Its just common decency, okay? Especially if youre going to be walking around in skirts and dresses.

The swirling pits the girl had for irises flashed briefly.

I comprehend. Would you care to accompany me while I shop for underwear?

I wholeheartedly refuse.

If the unruly compliment in his jeans was any indication, that was too high a hurdle for Joe to cross at that point in time.