Chapter 25: Vacation

Chapter 25: Vacation

Joe inhaled sharply as he stirred awake, startled by the presence of a monstrous, squirming silhouette that his blurry eyesight barely made out in the dark room. His entire body jerked weirdly in shock, but he managed to keep himself from screaming. His distress vanished as quickly as a fleeting dream as the ominous shadow was revealed to be none other than Maggies head and the coiling locks that surrounded it. As per usual, the girl had awoken shortly before he did and quietly hovered over Joe, watching him sleep. It would be creepy if she wasnt so darned cute, the man thought.

That aside, he wasnt exactly thrilled about the rude awakening.

Ugh You need to stop doing that, he grumbled.

Doing what? she innocently asked.

Looming over me like that every morning. I get that it makes you happy, but having a mini heart attack every time I wake up isnt fun.

I apologize. I will make an attempt to correct this habit.

Please do.

He wasnt quite sure why that had even become a thing. Shed started doing that a few days after she decided to synchronize their sleep cycles, which was Maggienese for go to bed together. Joe had no reservations about doing that, not after sharing a virtual reality pod with the girl for so long. Those first few weeks had eliminated any nervousness he mightve had regarding physical proximity and skin contact, otherwise hed never manage a wink of sleep while sharing a bed with someone as lovely as Maggie.

That was all fine and dandy, but Joe found himself a bit troubled all the same. Like any normal bloke, he wanted to indulge in other nighttime activities with the lovely girl at his side. The issue was that he had no idea how to broach the subject tactfully. Maggie wanted to experience all kinds of things at least once, so he had a feeling shed agree to do the deed if he simply asked. The first time was more or less a free pass, but would there be a second? Or a third? What if Joes performance was so lackluster that Maggie decided that shed never want another go of it?

The solution was simple. Joe just had to make sure their first time was special, that it wasnt just a quickie before lunch or something. He felt there was a need to deepen their intimacy first, which was why he had taken a bit of initiative and suggested a special outing. Maggie liked the idea immensely and the necessary arrangements were made posthaste. Shed been actively looking forward to the trip, and today was the big day. She smiled ear to ear as she packed a few necessities into a small duffel bag. Her good attitude was positively infectious, causing Joe to float a goofy grin of his own.

He did notice one little detail about the girls preparations that he wasnt quite sure about, though.

Wait, youre taking Azgod'Kalar? he dubiously raised an eyebrow.

Yes. Is there a reason I should not?New novel chapters are published on

A few. Are you sure the resort allows pets?

One moment.

Maggie stared off into the distance beyond the horizon and Joe noticed her coiling locks wriggle with a bit more intensity for a few moments.

Their policy states pets with no fur are allowed, she declared.

Alright, thats good. But, like, snakes are cold-blooded, right? Will it be okay in that hot weather?

You are aware that the term cold-blooded is misleading in its nomenclature, yes? her eyes narrowed.

What?

Cold-blooded. Adjective. Denoting animals whose body temperature varies with that of the environment, such as fish and reptiles.

Oh. Oh! No, I knew that. I meant like, isnt it dangerous? It wont overheat or anything?

Your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary. Orb pythons have been genetically engineered to be more resilient than their original genome. As such they are capable of withstanding temperatures of up to forty degrees Celsius, which is well above the twenty-nine degrees average of our destination.

Thats good. What about swimming? Can it swim?

Uncertain. However, even if it cannot, Azgod'Kalar will learn quickly. It has proven to be a most studious specimen indeed. Allow me to demonstrate.

The girl raised her hand and gave a thumbs up. In response to this, her pet snake slithered out from behind her neck and onto her shoulder. It coiled the end of its little tail into a spring-like shape with the tip sticking up, then raised it slightly. It took Joe a few moments to realize that Azgod'Kalar was mimicking its owners gesture, in its own way. It was neat, but also had some confusing implications.

You taught a snake to do tricks?

Yes. Would you like to see more?

Uh, sure.

Joe actually had something else to say, but Maggie was so enthusiastic and eager to show off the results of her pets training that he couldnt say no.

As you just saw, it can echo my approval or disapproval.

She gave another thumbs up and then a thumbs down, both of which were mirrored as before.

We can still do that, if youd like, she smiled coyly.

Yes, please.

The mask came off and their lips sealed together within moments. Joe couldnt help but close his eyes as Maggies hot breath filled his entire being. He even wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, prompting her to return the embrace. They were then rudely interrupted by that blasted search and rescue drone. The person-sized submersible robot had picked up the failure signal broadcasted by the mask and had come to offer aid and assistance. This seemed to tick Maggie off more than it did Joe, given how she fried its tiny electronic brain with a mean look.

The man questioned whether that was really necessary. His girlfriend then pulled him into a redo of the underwater kiss, which convinced him that yes, it was. This time around their embrace remained unbroken for nearly ten minutes before both of them felt satisfied with it. Maggie fixed the emergency response automaton up and dragged Joe back to the surface. They started making their way to dry land, though it was clear the guys head was somewhere in the clouds. It wasnt until they were back ashore and reunited with AzgodKalar that he finally snapped out of it.

Is it really okay to be using your brain power like that? he inquired. Wont you tire yourself out again?

Normally, yes. However, I took three vacation days especially for the occasion, she happily replied.

You have vacation days? he flatly asked.

Of course, Joe. I am currently an employee of the Third British Empire. As such, I have certain rights and privileges that go along with my responsibilities. One of those is to temporarily suspend my computational duties at my own discretion. I have taken advantage of this option so that I may focus fully on the trip.

I see. Worth it so far, Id say.

Indeed.

Now, shall we see if I can catch a tan without burning to a crisp?

Its a metaphor, Maggie, he sensed her confusion.

I am aware. I was simply pondering why you think an increased melanin count is necessary.

Oh, no reason, really. Its just a thing you do when you go to the beach.

I comprehend. In that case I shall join you in this endeavor.

Joe tried to imagine how Maggie would look with a golden tan instead of her blindingly pale skin. It was not all that appealing.

I dont think youd look good like that.

I can always revert this vessel to its default state afterwards, she pointed out.

Then oh, you just want to see if you can actually catch a tan?

Yes.

Its just sunbathing, though. Is it really that big a deal?

Joe knew better than to try and question Maggies strange motives, but he couldnt help himself on this occasion. He liked her exactly as she was and felt like a shift in skin tone would somehow sully his image of her. It was a foolish and selfish concern, but he liked to think he was allowed one of those every now and then.

It is an experiment that is valuable to my ongoing research into the human condition.

Indeed, though it seemed inconsequential, the process of suntanning could reveal secrets that helped Maggie perfect her mostly human vessel. She had actually been working on that ever since she first met Joe. Her first attempt resulted in a body that was approximately 71% human, which she had increased to 93% since. She wasnt aiming for 100% though. Conjuring a fully human body was quite easy for her. The issue with that was that such a vessel would shatter instantly should she pour her vast consciousness and psychic might into it. At the same time, she deemed it important to maximize her compatibility with her anchor. The solution Maghrathlak the Observer had come up with was to use a modified human body capable of withstanding that strain.

That was easier said than done as genetics wasnt an area that Maggie was especially interested in or particularly good at. She needed to crack the mysteries of the human genome, hence why seemingly inconsequential experiments like catching a tan were necessary. Admittedly she could have probably looked this stuff up online somewhere, but, as per usual, that would deprive her the joy of discovering things on her own. She had made a good deal of progress since then, and set a personal goal of getting her vessels humanity rating to 95% without compromising its integrity. This increase wouldnt serve any tangible purpose, though, and was mostly just Maggie gunning for a high score.

Joe had no idea as to any of that, nor did he particularly want to know the nitty-gritty details. He responded to her insistence with a shrug and a Fair enough, and that was that. They spent most of the day bathing in seawater and sunlight in equal parts, though neither attained a noticeable change in skin coloration. By the time evening came, Joe was absolutely exhausted. He intended to put some moves on Maggie and up their intimacy, but all the underwater horseplay had drained him to the point where he passed out the instant they got in their hotel room.

The couple spent their remaining two days at the beach much like the first, only with less reef diving and more splashing around carelessly in the shallows. They also partook in some other location-appropriate activities, like riding a rocket banana boat, playing water sports, and eating far too much seafood. Maggie also entered some random oceanic trivia contest, which ended with her being disqualified for being suspiciously good at it. She was a bit disappointed, but hardly surprised. All official competitions she tried to partake in ended that way since she did not subscribe to the idea of holding back. Well, aside from that neighborhood bake-off from a few weeks ago. She got kicked out of that one because anyone that took a bite of her handmade starberry cupcakes started hearing strange voices that whispered unintelligible gibberish.

There was another notable incident on day three. Maggie had constructed what she called a sandcastle. However, the structure she sculpted featured some bizarre and seemingly impossible geometry that made Joes brain hurt a bit. He had a feeling some space-wizardry was involved despite the girls reassurance to the contrary. Any onlookers that saw it shared the mans opinion that there was something wrong with that thing. The military apparently agreed as well, given how a very sour-faced Agent Johanson sporting a camo-patterned one piece swimsuit showed up to stomp the offending sculpture flat, then left without saying a word. Joe was a bit surprised by her sudden appearance since she was supposed to stay behind at Dave-156, but he knew better than to question it.

Those minor disturbances aside, the couple had tons of fun until they left for home later that same evening. Joe was a bit disappointed he failed to take their relationship to the next level like he intended, but nevertheless happy with how things turned out. He left Amelia-10 feeling slightly closer to Maggie, which was a clear sign of progress. It would be a while still before he worked up the courage to take that big leap in the bedroom, but that weekend at the beach had been a good start.

However, the brief vacation had an unfortunate, unintended, and unexpected side effect. Several individuals had taken pictures and videos of the pretty girl in the black-and-red bikini and circulated them online without her knowledge or consent. This sort of thing happened all the time, but this particular batch of images were picked up by an automated algorithm that belonged to a certain body of authority. It took about a week for the information to make some interstellar rounds, after which Maggie received a sternly worded letter.

It was a cease and desist on behalf of Melinda Sparklestar, the female lead of Love At First Flight, and the woman whose copyrighted appearance she had stolen.