CH 67

Han Cheng listened and for a moment the bottom of his heart trembled.

He was holding his phone, but he wanted to rush out of the door now, go back home and hug the person on the other side of the line.

He always knew that if Shen Qingshu wanted to, he could coax you to bliss.

It was just that Shen Qingshu never seemed to care about anything when he was with him.

If he wanted to pinch his face, Shen Qingshu let him pinch it.

If he wanted to drive with him, Shen Qingshu followed his wishes.

Even when he gave Shen Qingshu a gift, Shen Qingshu couldn’t wait to return him a more valuable gift.

But now, he felt that Shen Qingshu was more touching than he thought.

He clearly wanted to go before. When Shen Qingshu first told himself, there was joy between the sentences. However, now he can say gently and brightly that he won’t go.

No complaints, no anger, just charmingly asking for a hug.

And all this, just because he(HC) was unwilling

Han Cheng suddenly felt guilty and felt that he shouldn’t have said that.

Even a boyfriend is not qualified to stop his lover from getting together with his friends. What’s more, he is not Shen Qingshu’s boyfriend.

If it were someone else, there would be a quarrel. As usual, Shen Qingshu has a good temper and never quarrels with himself.

He sat on the bed and looked at the night outside the window. The night was very thick and dark, but the moonlight was very gentle. The moon was very beautiful tonight. Unfortunately, he was not by Shen Qingshu’s side.

Bai Xuege received a call from Shen Qingshu saying that he can’t go and suddenly feels that it is as expected.

“I guessed that Han Cheng wouldn’t let you celebrate the new year with me. He must want to spend the new year with you by himself.”

“That’s not true. He wants to accompany his parents. There are problems with my family, so I stay here.”

“Your family?” Bai Xuege was curious, “Is it serious?”

“I hope it’s serious.” Shen Qingshu is straightforward.

Bai Xuege: … It seems that the relationship with the family is really bad! Otherwise, how could this be? !

“So what will you do?” Shen Qingshu asked him, “Do you have anyone else to accompany you?”

“Of course. I’m very popular, okay?”

“Really?”

“Of course, Qin jie asked me to go to their house for the new year. She asked me to go before, but my father said he was coming back, so I waited. Unexpectedly! Humph! He doesn’t need to spend Chinese new year with his son in the future!”

It’s true that Qin Yingyang told Bai Xuege more than once before that if his father didn’t come back for the new year, she would come to pick him up. But at that time, father Bai vowed that he would come back. As a result, who would have thought he forgot his promise after the words were said.

Seeing Bai Xuege’s circle of friends, Qin Yingyang guessed that his father should not be coming back, so she invited him again. However, Bai Xuege was chatting with Shen Qingshu at that time, so he didn’t pay attention. He hung up the voice call and found that his agent asked him to spend the new year with her again.

Sure enough, there is justice in the world, there is true love in the world! Let his father get out of the way!

Shen Qingshu quickly coaxed him, said several good words for his old father who was far away from home and didn’t forget to remind him, “If you go to Qin jie’s house for the new year, remember to bring gifts.”

“I know. Don’t worry. Qin jie and I are familiar, her daughter likes me very much.”

“That’s good. Fortunately, you have someone else to accompany you, otherwise I would feel guilty.”

“No need.” Bai Xuege was generous.”Have a good New Year with Han Cheng. When I have time, I’ll find you to play.”

“Okay.” Shen Qingshu responded.

But having said that, Shen Qingshu didn’t want Han Cheng to really celebrate the new year with him. He has already gone home, will he come back?

At best, they’ll have a video call at that time, which is also good.

Shen Qingshu thought so. After reading the novel for a while, he fell asleep.

Chinese new year’s eve is the busiest day for the people all over the country.

Han Cheng was woken up early by his parents and welcomed the excitement of the new year with them.

Shen Qingshu got up later than him. Han Cheng ordered for him a new year’s eve dinner before leaving, so he didn’t need to worry. After lunch, he began to surf the Internet.

During the new year’s festivities, there are always wonderful relatives’ stickers, family wedding reminder stickers, blind date depression stickers and new year’s eve dinner stickers.

Shen Qingshu watched the excitement and browsed them one by one, as if he was also participating in the excitement.

At this time, he felt a little lonely. He was still homesick, thinking of his parents and gege.

He doesn’t know how his parents are doing now. Has the world over there begun to celebrate the new year?

Is he really dead?

Then he hopes his family can get over the pain of his leaving as soon as possible. It’s best to dream of him alive and well in another world and no longer worry.

Shen Qingshu has never believed in ghosts and gods, but now he hopes that there are ghosts and gods in the world. In this way, his parents and gege can get rid of their emotional pain as soon as possible.

He put down his mobile phone, closed his eyes and made a sincere wish in his heart: I hope my parents and gege can always be safe, healthy and smooth sailing, don’t be too sad over my departure.

And the same for his friends and fans. You don’t need to forget him, but just remember that he was once there . They don’t need to remember him constantly. 

He wished so. He was silent for a long time before perking up again.

But …

At the thought of his original family, he inevitably thought of his current family and he didn’t know what the Shen family was like now.

Since he was idle, Shen Qingshu opened his address book and called mother Shen.

Mother Shen is busy putting on jewellery and preparing to meet the guests.

Since the rise of the Shen family, every year during the Chinese new year father Shen likes to call his relatives together. It’s called a family reunion, in fact he enjoys everyone’s envious eyes.

The same is true this year. The relatives of the Shen family long started arriving. When mother Shen heard father Shen call her, she hurriedly covered herself with some more jewellery to make herself look rich.

As soon as she finished wearing her earrings, she heard her mobile phone ring. Looking down, it turned out to be Shen Qingshu calling.

Mother Shen picked it up in surprise. “Xiao Shu, are you coming back?”

“Of course not.” Shen Qingshu said calmly, “I just remember that today is the new year, so I’ll give you a new year call.”

Mother Shen was worried, “Where are you now? You don’t go home during the Chinese New Year. Are you thinking of your dead mother?”

“Are you worried? Don’t worry, I’m fine alone.”

As soon as Shen’s mother heard that he was alone, she immediately thought of his breakup with Han Cheng, “You and Xiao Cheng…”

“Yes.” Shen Qingshu said indifferently, “It was neat, I gave back all his gifts.”

Mother Shen: !!!!

“How stupid are you! With Xiao Cheng’s identity, you broke up with him? Returned his gifts!”

“Otherwise?” Shen Qingshu deliberately provoked, “I’ve long wanted to break up with him. If he hadn’t been pestering me all the time, we would have split up already!”

Mother Shen: ???

“Didn’t you say you loved him before?”

“Love will disappear. Who can guarantee that they will love someone forever? Have I never loved others before?”

Mother Shen: … How can such scummy words come out of her son’s mouth? She doesn’t believe it!

“Xiao Shu, do you no longer believe in love because Li Hui hurt you?”

“You think too much. Didn’t Shen Qingyu tell you? I’ve never loved Li Hui.”

“Xiao Yu?” mother Shen was shocked. “What does this have to do with xiao Yu?”

“Ah,” Shen Qingshu sounded surprised. “When he brought Li Hui to break up Han Cheng and me, I told him that I had no feelings for Li Hui. That I lied to him before. I thought you all knew, you didn’t know?”

Mother Shen couldn’t believe it, “Xiao Yu knows that you are with Han Cheng?!”

“Of course, didn’t you know?”

Of course they don’t know. If she knew, she would have gone to find Shen Qingshu!

“He also wants to break up you and Han Cheng?”

“Otherwise? But Xiao Yu is also kind. He thought I really loved Li Hui, so he brought Li Hui in front of me and Han Cheng. I understand that Xiao Yu is acting out of kindness. He is definitely not jealous that his gege has found an excellent boyfriend. He must have the best regards and hopes for his gege to be with his true love.”

Mother Shen: …

Mother Shen doesn’t think so.

He clearly knows that his family doesn’t like Li Hui and he clearly said that Li Hui is trash. Why push Shen Qingshu and Li Hui to get back together?

Is this not jealousy!

He was jealous that his gege had found a boyfriend like Han Cheng, so he wanted Shen Qingshu to get back together with Li Hui and leave Han Cheng!

How can Xiao Yu do this?

How could he do this to his gege! 

“Then you and Han Cheng didn’t break up at that time. Why do you break up now?”

“Alas,” Shen Qingshu sighed, “I’m too tired. You don’t know. He buys me yachts, cars and houses every day. Oh, yes, and watches. He just gave me a multi million dollar watch a few days ago. I’m in love with him, not with an ATM. He only knows how to buy buy buy. Is this love? I might as well be alone!”

“Isn’t that good?” Shen’s mother advised him, “He loves you.”

“But I don’t like it. It’s too materialistic and secular. Such a copper smelling love is not pure at all!”

Mother Shen:… Is your mother’s name pure jade?

“So I broke up with him and gave back all his gifts, leaving nothing.”

Mother Shen said, “Shouldn’t you discuss such a big thing with your parents?!”

“When I was with him, I didn’t discuss it with you.”

“You are deliberately angering me. What good is it to you to make me angry?” Mother Shen said angrily.

It’s really no good, but it’s better if you’re angered to the point of tears.

Shen Qingshu was happy at the thought of her angry tears.

He deliberately pretended to be wronged. “I’m kind enough to pay you a new year’s greeting, but you accuse me of deliberately angering you. Before, you said you missed me and wanted me to go home for the new year. Sure enough, you lied to me? I knew it. The three of you had a good new year’s and I will celebrate the new year’s alone.”

He finished and hung up.

He believed that after this phone call, the Shen family must be very lively this year. When Shen Qingshu thought of the picture of the Shen family’s chaos, he immediately regretted that he didn’t install a monitor before leaving.

Tsk, he missed a good show.

It was really a good show.

Mother Shen saw that her son hung up the phone and didn’t answer when she called back. She was so aggravated she beat her chest and stomped her feet.

Father Shen came in and saw her aggravation. He asked, “What’s the matter? I waited for you downstairs.”

Depressed, Mother Shen told father Shen the details of her call with Shen Qingshu. Father Shen was enraged and wanted to skin Shen Qingyu.

Mother Shen hurriedly stopped him, “Relatives and friends are here for Chinese new year. It’s not appropriate for you to hit him at this time!”

“When he went to break up Xiao Shu and Han Cheng, he didn’t think it was inappropriate! How can he be so cruel! He can’t tolerate his gege?!”

“It’s all a thing of the past.”

Not to mention appeased, father Shen became even more angry. He said, “So he knew where Xiao Shu was long ago, but he didn’t tell us! He pretended quite well, looking oblivious; he played us like monkeys!”

Mother Shen couldn’t help getting angry too. “Why is this child like this? We’re all worried at home. He knows something and doesn’t say it!”

“I don’t think he can tolerate Xiao Shu improving, and can’t tolerate my marriage with the Han family!”

Father Shen was even more angry when he thought that his century wedding had flown away. He had to beat Shen Qingyu this new year.

Mother Shen pointed downstairs and said, “You can’t fight in front of so many people. Wait until your relatives are gone!”

Father Shen was so angry that he sat on the bed and punched the bed hard.

Mother Shen sighed sadly. She didn’t understand how this could happen. Obviously, they taught Shen Qingyu and sent him to university. Why did Shen Qingyu turn out like this?

Jealous, lying and trying to ruin his gege’s marriage, he went too far!

Mother and father Shen are sitting in the bedroom. Neither is thinking about the new year. Now they just want to drive away the noisy relatives downstairs, and then – mixed doubles! 1 

This year’s rainbow fart of the Shen family is destined to be difficult to blow. If they’re not careful, they’ll have to flatter on the horse’s hoofs.2 

Shen Qingshu finished mixing up the Shen family’s new year, watched two movies by himself and the delivery man also sent the new year’s eve dinner.

Shen Qingshu looked at the other and helped him spread a disposable tablecloth on the table and then arranged the carefully prepared three meat, three vegetables, three cold dishes, a soup and two desserts. He thought it was too rich.

“I wish you a happy new year.” The little brother smiled.

“Happy new year to you too.” Shen Qingshu replied.

He watched the little brother walk away with the heat preservation bag, photographed the dishes on the table and sent them to Han Cheng.

Shen Qingshu: [The dishes have arrived, and you have ordered too many. It’s so rich!]

Han Cheng’s family is also preparing to eat. They don’t entertain guests during the new year. There are only four of them.

Han Cheng just helped his mother bring the plates to the table when he saw Shen Qingshu’s wechat.

Not bad, Han Cheng thought. It was delivered at his scheduled time.

Han Cheng: [The new year’s eve dinner can’t be too shabby. Eat well, the food from this place is pretty good.]

Shen Qingshu: [En en, I’m planning to watch the Spring Festival Gala and eat together with everyone. ]

Han Cheng couldn’t help feeling sorry for him again.

If it weren’t for his obstruction, at this time, Shen Qingshu should watch TV and have dinner with Bai Xuege. Although there are only two people, at least he has a companion, so his only option won’t be surfing the internet.

He replied guiltily: [Okay]

Then he went to the kitchen to help mother Han bring out other dishes.

When Father Han saw that both sons had come back for new year’s eve, he took out the white wine given by others and prepared to drink it with his sons.

When he prepared to pour for Han Cheng, Han Cheng stopped quickly, “I don’t drink.”

“It’s alright to have a drink during the new year.” Father Han said.

“I have to go out later. It’s inconvenient to drink when I have to drive.” Han Cheng said with a guilty conscience.

Father Han was shocked. “Are you going out on Chinese new year?”

“I made an appointment with Yin Mingyao for the new year.” Han Cheng took out an excuse that he had already prepared, “It was agreed before that we will enter the new year together. When we get married in the future, we can’t enter the new year together.”

Father Han was also young once and understood the young people’s friendship very well. “Okay, but speaking of it, when will you two get married?”

His eyes swept over his youngest son and then looked at his eldest son, “Don’t you want to be first place in everything? Why are you so quiet at this time?”

Mother Han came out after washing the fruit and happened to hear this sentence. She readied her knife on the spot, “that’s right, your father married me at your age. On this point, you can’t compare with your father. You think you are stronger and more powerful than him?”

Han Yu: …

“It’s not me going out to celebrate the new year with my friends. Why do you both target me?”

“Shouldn’t you reflect on yourself? Why do your mother and I just target you?” Father Han rarely won a victory and said proudly.

Mother Han also smiled, “Yes, why, Xiao Yu? How could someone as good as you be one step behind others in finding a partner?”

Han Cheng agreed, “En.”

Han Yu: “Do you still en?”

Han Cheng: … It’s probably better not to en.

Han Yu looked at his parents calmly, “I have thought deeply about this problem.”

“What’s your answer?” mother Han asked.

“There are no two same leaves in the world. I haven’t seen the second one at present. Even if I deliberately lower the standard, my other half should also have an excellent appearance, excellent family background, excellent wisdom and excellent character. However, it’s a pity that I haven’t met such a person for the time being.”

Mother Han: …

“Do you really want to find a partner? According to your request, it’s hard to find someone in your life.”

“Are these requirements difficult?” Han Yu wondered.

Han Cheng nodded, “Objectively, no one is richer than our family. Subjectively, you think people all over the world are not as good-looking as you, not as smart as you, and not as good-natured as you.”

Father Han deeply thought, “How many people want to kneel in front of my suit pants and call me father. Only you have despised your old father since you were a child! You think you are better than me in everything!”

“Strong youths make a strong country. If I don’t think I’m better than you, is there any hope for our family?” Han Yu looked at him.

Father Han: …

“Anyway, you are always good at arguing. I’ll see which excellent person you can find.”

Han Yu himself is also very curious, but this is not the point. The point is that his didi plans to go out tonight?

Han Yu looked at Han Cheng, who silently lowered his head to eat melon seeds and pretended that he didn’t exist. “What kind of partner is Xiao Cheng going to find?”

Father and mother Han turned their eyes to Han Cheng and looked lovingly at their little son.

Han Cheng: … The melon seeds in his hand suddenly aren’t fragrant.

“Someone considerate.” Han Cheng replied, “Who will love me very much.”

“As long as your happy.” Mother Han smiled, “anyway, your father and I don’t have any expectations for your ge, so you hurry up and find someone you like quickly. Our family doesn’t have any other requirements. As long as you like them and like you, okay?”

Han Cheng nodded, “I understand.”

Father Han encouraged him, “Don’t worry, Dad believes in you! This time, your ge must rank at the bottom of our family. You’ll never win over us!”

Han Cheng: … You can only attack my gege in this aspect.

Han Yu: … Although, it sounds really unpleasant! He has won since the first half of his life. How come this time, he will be the bottom of the whole family!

Angry!

Unhappy Han Yu refused to drink with his old father, picked up the juice with his mother and his brother and the three toasted a cup.

When father Han saw his eldest son like this, he knew that although his expression and attitude seemed indifferent, he must be unhappy in his heart. Immediately he laughed and felt very comfortable.

Mother Han also couldn’t help laughing. It’s not surprising that she and father Han are happy. It’s mainly due to their eldest son loving to compare with them since childhood. And laughing at them that they are not as good as him. So now it’s rare for him to have a bottom ranking. The Han parents are unwilling to give up this hard-earned opportunity to laugh. So they laugh very happily.

Han Cheng didn’t laugh. After all, his brother is still holding his black material. If his parents see it, they may laugh louder. They don’t have to watch the Spring Festival Gala, they will be happy enough by looping through his small video.

Oh, he forgot, there’s two, the first and second episodes!

Han Cheng had dinner with his parents and looked at his watch. It was already 8:30, and he got ready to leave.

Father and mother Han knew that he was going to welcome the new year with his friends. They were understanding and only asked him, “Will you come back tonight?”

“It depends. If it’s too late, I may not come back.”

“Then remember to come back tomorrow morning.” Mother Han said to him, “it’s inappropriate for you not to be at home tomorrow.”

It’s really inappropriate, if he’s not here tomorrow, it’s estimated that someone will spread the news that he and his gege had a big fight on new year’s eve. He left home in grief and anger. This will happen as soon as his father greets guests with only Han Yu beside him.

Han Yu’s plan to become the next chairman is proceeding!

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back.”

For the sake of his brother’s negative and prosperous reputation, he will come back.

“That’s good. Go and play.” Father Han  waved his hand and said generously.

Han Cheng immediately took his jacket and walked towards the porch, ready to privately meet his car.

As a result, as soon as he changed his shoes, he looked up and found Han Yu coming towards him.

“Go and play?” Han Yu smiled.

“Yes.”

“With Yin Mingyao?”

“That’s right.” Han Cheng’s face didn’t turn red and his heart didn’t accelerate.

“Then I’ll give you a ride over.”

“No, no,” Han Cheng refused. “Just stay at home with our parents.”

“After sending you back, I will continue to accompany our parents.”

Han Cheng: …

“Could it be, don’t want your gege to drive you?”

“You’re doing this on purpose.” Han Cheng said helplessly.

Han Yu sighed, “Who told you to lie to me?”

Han Cheng: …

“You know and you still insist on exposing me. Is it interesting?”

“If it’s boring, why do you lie? Are you missing Qing Qing?”

“I’m not!” Han Cheng said stubbornly, “Just that, he could have spent the new year with others, but I messed up, so I have to compensate him.”

“So why did you mess up his plans to celebrate the new year with others?”

Han Cheng: …

Han Yu poked him in the heart, “Jealous?”

“Are you capable of being jealous?” Han Cheng knocked off his hand, “I was just selfish for a while.”

“I’m too selfish.” Han Cheng felt guilty.

Han Yu was surprised to see him like this.

He hasn’t seen anyone who is jealous and thinks they are selfish. This is his brother, he has a pure and good character.

Han Yu silently took out a red envelope from his pocket, “Here, take it to compensate Qing Qing.”

Han Cheng: ???

“When did you get the red envelope?”

“After you just said you were going to spend the new year with Yin Mingyao and them.”

Han Cheng: …

Han Cheng reached out and asked him, “Are there any more red envelopes?”

“Isn’t one enough?”

“This is yours, not mine. I’ll also wrap one up for him.”

“I’m older than you. It’s normal for me to give him a red envelope. You and he are friends. Why are you giving him a red envelope? I haven’t seen you give Yin Mingyao a red envelope? Your good friend Yin Mingyao can’t compare with someone you met not long ago?” Han Yu deliberately asked.

Han Cheng has a good reason, “This is a compensation red envelope. Naturally, the more compensation, the better. Give me one quickly.”

Han Yu thinks he’s really stupid.

He turned back and got a red envelope for Han Cheng.

Han Cheng smiled and said, “Thanks.”

“Go and come back early tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, yes.” Han Cheng replied.

“So you’re not coming back tonight?”

Han Cheng: …

Han Cheng was so angry that he turned and ran away.

Han Yu laughed and thought he was really cute.

Han Cheng took his car and drove back all the way. There was no one on the road on new year’s eve. Everyone was enjoying a rare reunion time at home, except Shen Qingshu.

But it doesn’t matter, Han Cheng thought. He can go home now and hug him.

He drove fast and swift all the way. There was no obstacle on the road. Only the moonlight gently sprinkled on his heart.

Shen Qingshu is eating dessert while watching the Spring Festival Gala on TV.

The great fortune profiteroles made by the hotel is delicious. Shen Qingshu bit down and the cream overflowed to the whole mouth, fragrant and sweet.

The comedy sketch on tv is not funny, but the netizens roasting is very funny. He was laughing uncontrollably when the doorbell rang.

Shen Qingshu stood up and walked towards the door and asked, “who is it?”

There was no answer outside the door.

Shen Qingshu was puzzled, “who is it?”

“Express delivery.”

Are there express deliveries at this time?

Shen Qingshu asked suspiciously, “who sent it to whom?”

“Same city express, the sender is Mr. Han and the recipient is Shen Qingshu. Is that you?”

Shen Qingshu understood that Han Cheng should have sent him something.

Sending express delivery on Chinese new year. He must still be worried about him and couldn’t rest assured, so he sent him something to eat.

He knew that Han Cheng wanted to bake a cake and hang it around his neck for fear of starving him.

Shen Qingshu was both helpless and happy as he walked over and opened the door. As a result, as soon as the door was opened, he saw someone he knew standing outside the door, “Surprise ~“*

*In english

Shen Qingshu: !!!

Shen Qingshu was speechless from shock.

Han Cheng looked at his expression of disbelief and approached with a smile. Lowering his head until their forehead almost touched. “Why, don’t you sign?”

Shen Qingshu finally regained his senses and asked him at a loss, “how can I sign for it?”

Han Cheng looked at his clear eyes, listened to his simple tone and reached out to hold him in his arms.

“Should I hug you like this?” He asked.

Shen Qingshu suddenly remembered what he said to Han Cheng last night. He said – I’ll wait for you to come back, and then you’ll give me a hug.

He couldn’t help laughing. The more he laughed, the happier he was. The smile in his eyes couldn’t help spreading at the bottom of his heart and the whole person was filled with happiness.

He hugged Han Cheng, whispered “en”, couldn’t help hugging him tightly and didn’t want to let go.

He suddenly felt so happy it was difficult to bear. He wanted to talk to Han Cheng and at the same time he just wanted to hold him.

Many emotions surged up in an instant, quietly circled around his heart and slowly sunk in.

He was a little aggrieved, but he couldn’t restrain his joy.

He was very happy, but he also wanted to complain a few words.

At this moment, Shen Qingshu finally has a real sense of closeness to the world.

He has transmigrated for such a long time without experiencing sadness and joy. He accepted rationally that he was dead and had good luck to be able to transmigrate into a novel.

Calmly accepted that the original’s parents and ex-boyfriend were not good people.

He became an actor as he had been in his previous life. He continued to shoot and break into the entertainment industry.

But he also registered an author account and wrote a novel, which he didn’t do in his previous life,

From the moment he transmigrated and opened his eyes, he knew that this life came from pure luck

So he enjoys the world with a relaxed attitude, doing what he wants to do, what he hasn’t done before and doesn’t plan what his future will be like and who he will meet.

He has no sense of closeness to the world, only Han Cheng is his fetter in the world.

But now, with Han Cheng in his arms, he felt close to the world for the first time.

He is also a living person. Even if his family is gone, he hopes someone can spend the new year with him.

He also hopes that person he cares for will be with him .

Hope that the other party will suddenly appear, as he wished to hug him.

Hopes that he can also reunite on this day when the lights are on and families come together.

He held Han Cheng in his arms. His heart was gentle and sour, happy and wronged. It was obviously a nice surprise, but he just wanted the other party to coax him.

“How to sign for it?” He repeated, “Do you want a stamp seal? Then you need to coax me first. You kiss me first then I’ll kiss you.”

1 男女混合双打 = Mixed doubles = Family sports for bear children. Parents will use belts, bamboo boards, feather dusters, brooms and other items to interact with bear children at home.Using the above props to vigorously massage the bear child’s buttocks.

2 就得吹到马腿上 = Flatter on the horse’s hoof = to intend to flatter only to indirectly kill oneself