Chapter 189 Pillow talk (part 2)

Ares watched Nazneen in the dim light, seeing the hesitance in her bright amber eyes. He could understand if she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Being locked for a hundred years and why it was done, couldn’t be a pleasant memory and she was just recently locked again.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he assured.

She pressed her lips together hard and then swallowed. “I am sure you can guess that I wasn’t a pleasant person.”

He remained silent allowing her to continue at her pace.

“I had deep anger and resentment inside and… I took it out on the wrong people. I liked to play certain games,” she smiled scornfully. “Games that made me feel good about myself. I liked to get people’s attention, take their time, let them shower me with affection, and then I would leave them.” Her jaw clenched.

“Why?” He whispered.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I think it made me feel… good.”

He frowned.

“It made me feel less alone like I wasn’t the only one abandoned by someone whose affection I wanted.” She admitted.

Who? He wondered, but allowed her to proceed on her own.

“I liked to see them walk away disappointed and then I would find my next victim.” She avoided his gaze the whole time. “That continued until I came across the wrong person. I hurt someone who was related to a male witch. He had come the next day to confront me about his brother whom I had given hope and made promises. He was very upset and I knew he was a witch so I tried to keep things calm but my pride was too big so I wasn’t compassionate enough.”

“I told him I didn’t want to hurt his brother and that I had simply changed my mind and wanted to find my breedmate and be with him only. He left, but he kept an eye on me and watched me break more hearts and spirits, and then he came to confront me again. I told him the same thing not knowing he had been watching me. He laughed out loud.” She paused her eyes becoming distant as if recalling his laughter. “It was the most frightening laughter I had ever heard.”

Ares could see the disturbed look on her face.

“He lured me to the cave and then… he told me… that I would find my breedmate. He called it soulmate but he said my soul was dark and it would only attract a similar soul.” She lifted her gaze and looked at him. “Until then, I would only have the attention of dark walls. He said the loneliness I would feel would only be a taste of what I inflicted and after my release, I would have a taste of other things as well.”

She stopped talking and Ares remained silent trying to process what she said. It was a dark story.

“You wanted the affection of someone…”

She smiled with the corners of her mouth slightly downturned. “My father. He had spent many years trying to find the perfect female to reproduce with to have a purebred offspring. Clearly, it didn’t occur to him that the offspring could be a girl.”

She looked away again, blinking several times to fight off the tears.

“I wasted so much time trying to appease him,” now there was anger in her tone. “He gave me every material thing. Anything. I didn’t have to lift a finger. Anything but a loving word. All he would ask was when I would conceive. If I found a purebred male to breed with. If I conducted myself how he wanted me to be. It was… ” She couldn’t find a word for it. She just shook her head.

“What about your mother?” He asked.

“My parents got together to breed. They were not breedmates. My mother didn’t care much and enjoyed the lavish lifestyle, or I think she pretended not to care and she wasn’t happy deep down. I wish sometimes I just abandoned everything and took her away so we could both be happy instead of pretending to be, but it was easier to tell myself lies and indulge in bad behavior.” She looked at him. “Everyone thought I was happy. That I had everything. They envied me. I had wealth, beauty and the pure blood. Ruining that image was difficult. Admitting otherwise was difficult.”

He just looked at her, knowing very well what she meant. Following the flock was easier than pursuing your own path.

“I don’t know how you became my breedmate. Your soul is certainly not dark.” She tried to add some humor.

“I don’t think your soul is dark.” He said. “And I am no saint.”

She smiled. “That would be ironic since you are partly demon.”

“Yes.” He smiled as well. Why demon? It was odd that there was something like sea demons.

“People won’t accept them as their queen.” She suddenly said. “Queens are the nurturers of the clan. They are the ones close to the people, the one that listens to their complaints and fights to bring their voice and concerns forward. I have never cared for people and… being in that position might make me the same person again.”

“Don’t let fear hold you back from changing your life this time.” He told her. “You are now stronger than you used to be.”

She looked into his eyes, searching for something. “Why do I believe you?”

“You believe the truth now.”

She put her hands folded under her cheek and stared at him with dreamy eyes. “I can believe anything you tell me now. With those eyes and that voice.”

Oh. The atmosphere suddenly changed and he wasn’t sure who was tempting who now.

“Well then, I am tired.” He said and she frowned.

She told him she would believe him.

“Goodnight,” he said amused, and turned away. A moment later, she had her arm around him from behind pressing her body to his.

“Goodnight.”

He let her hold him knowing he had taken the freedom to touch her last night and even drink from her. God! He didn’t need the memory to come back right now. He closed his eyes and her warmth strangely lulled him to sleep.