CH 77

Ye Li gave him the address. Xie Luyu had been going through the neighborhood, counting each house number one by one. They were all single-family homes, so it was pretty easy to find.

He didn’t know how to face Gu Qingchi. He wasn’t sure in what capacity and in what way he should approach him. He couldn’t even compare himself to Ye Li or Xiao Ke. They could at least stand by his side in a fair and justifiable manner. 

The area surrounding the villa was far too empty. There was nothing other than a couple of trees. Xie Luyu didn’t have the guts to park too close, so he parked in some corner far, far away.

However, Xie Luyu immediately took notice as soon as the lights to Gu Qingchi’s house lit up. When Gu Qingchi walked out of the villa alone, Xie Luyu couldn’t sit still anymore.

The seasons had changed. The weather was too cold. Gu Qingchi hadn’t remembered to prepare winter clothes. He was never very good with time. He simply drifted one day to the next.

Xie Luyu used to think that it was because he was used to being spoiled. He thought that he refused to take care of himself because he liked to be lazy. He could just wait for others to take care of it for him. However, he was now starting to realize that he hadn’t been spoiled by anyone at all. He was just too tired. Living itself had already exhausted everything he had left. 

Gu Qingchi was quite a ways away from Xie Luyu. He could only make out the shadow of a figure. He couldn’t see his face. Still, Xie Luyu knew that it was him.

Once Gu Qingchi appeared within that cold winter wind, Xie Luyu couldn’t sit still anymore. He immediately stepped out of the car and brought his coat along with him.

He chased after Gu Qingchi, coat in hand. However, once he got closer, Xie Luyu suddenly found himself at a loss. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it. He just kept walking, maintaining a distance that wasn’t too close or too far.

Xie Luyu had thought a lot over the past couple of days. He looked through the medical documents that had come with the marriage certificate over and over again. He even consulted a medical professional. Before, he’d only had a vague idea of what depression really was, and the more he understood, the more worried he became.

The thing that made Xie Luyu even more annoyed was the fact that he had noticed the problems in Gu Qingchi’s emotional state. However, Xie Luyu hadn’t placed much importance on it, and he hadn’t brought Gu Qingchi to a doctor.

Xie Luyu had told himself that it would be fine. Gu Qingchi would slowly get better if he just provided a bit of support and encouragement. However, the truth of the matter was that he’d liked being depended on by Gu Qingchi. He’d liked the vulnerability that had shown through during times of weakness.

Every time he thought about this, he felt a lingering pang of fear. Gu Qingchi had been teetering on the edge of the abyss, yet he hadn’t realized a thing.

Now that the object of his anxiety was finally in front of him, Xie Luyu felt a slight sense of relief. 

Gu Qingchi’s residence was located in the suburbs. It was as bustling or vibrant as the city, but it wasn’t lacking in anything either. There was a twenty-four-hour convenience store just a few hundred meters away.

The wind hadn’t died down yet. Rather, it seemed like it was only getting stronger.

Xie Luyu finally felt a little more at ease once Gu Qingchi was inside the convenience store. It was sure to be warmer inside than it was outside. Plus, there wouldn’t be any harsh winds.

Xie Luyu hesitated at the door for a while. By the time he mustered up the courage to open the door and go in, Gu Qingchi was already leaving the store. The two of them ended up running into each other. 

Gu Qingchi had a paper bag in his hands. His head was bowed, and he seemed a little absent-minded. When he bumped into Xie Luyu, his hands slipped, and the bag fell to the ground.

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Gu Qingchi’s pants were very thin. His pants were soaked through in a matter of seconds. His damp calves were chillingly cold. Perhaps it was because he’d slept too much, but Gu Qingchi had been rather out of it all day. He didn’t react until a few seconds later.

His voice was so soft that it was almost as if he hadn’t said anything at all. If it wasn’t for their close proximity, Xie Luyu wouldn’t have even heard him. 

“Sorry.”

He apologized. Then, he instinctively wanted to squat down and clean up the mess.

Xie Luyu pulled him back up.

“It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. Let me.” 

Xie Luyu first handed his coat to Gu Qingchi.

He thought hard for a reason to give it to him.

“I caused you to drop your alcohol and ruined your clothes. Consider this as part of my apology.”

With those words, Gu Qingchi finally allowed Xie Luyu to put the coat on him. Xie Luyu’s coat was a wool overcoat. It was large and wrapped snugly around Gu Qingchi. 

Xie Luyu then buttoned up the coat in order to keep the wind out. Originally, the buttons had only been there for decoration. Now that they were buttoned up, they seemed a little out of place.

Gu Qingchi did not refuse.

Xie Luyu had known for a while now that Gu Qingchi hated owing anyone anything.

In the past, Gu Qingchi had relished in Xie Luyu’s kindness. He accepted whatever he was given, and he was more than happy to. He made no secret of the fact that he loved being spoiled by others. He was like a child who’d gotten his hands on his favorite candy. 

However, this was only because he hadn’t expected there to be a price to pay. Once Xie Luyu complained about all the things that he’d done for Gu Qingchi, he would belatedly realize that it actually wasn’t free. He would then draw a clean line in the sand and keep his distance.

Gu Qingchi would be very cautious the next time Xie Luyu brings out the candy.

However, he was just too greedy. He couldn’t help but be tempted, couldn’t help but take the candy. Still, he’d make sure to immediately offer up everything he had of worth in exchange.

The convenience store employee heard the commotion and came to check on it. Xie Luyu explained what had happened. 

Gu Qingchi stood there blankly, a warm coat wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He watched as Xie Luyu handled everything. The wind whistled away in his ears. Xie Luyu’s conversation with the convenience store employee seemed to be so far away.

Once everything was handled, Xie Luyu walked over to Gu Qingchi’s side.

“Sorry about the wine. I’ll bring you a couple bottles some other time.”

Xie Luyu looked a little embarrassed, but he was very sincere. 

“Besides that, can you do me a favor? My car broke down on the road. I got lost and somehow ended up here. I can’t get back right now. It’s really windy and cold. Would I be able to stay at your place for the night?”

⁂

With that, Xie Luyu successfully managed to swindle his way into Gu Qingchi’s home.

Gu Qingchi hadn’t turned off the lights when he left. The house was steeped in light. Since the heating was on, the house was very warm. It should have been a cozy house, yet it seemed to give off a very cold feeling. 

Xie Luyu hadn’t expected the house to look like that. Other than a few necessary items, there wasn’t much of anything else. All there was were a few things scattered on the ground or the coffee table. It looked as if someone was temporarily staying at a show house.

It was very clear that this was a house, not a home.

Gu Qingchi’s house was very big. He was like a child showing off his treasures. The very first thing he did was lead Xie Luyu to the guest room. It was as if he were saying, “See? I was also able to help.”

“There should be disposable toiletries in there.” 

As he was speaking, he went inside to check whether there were actually toiletries in there or not. Once he confirmed that there were, he stepped back out. Gu Qingchi hadn’t really been in the guest room all that much. All of the stuff inside were things that had originally come with the property.

Xie Luyu earnestly thanked him. They were both very polite with each other. It was as if they had never hugged or kissed each other before.

It had probably been a long time since the cat had seen anyone else. Although it had always been very rude to Xie Luyu, it actually liked to play with him quite a bit. It excitedly hopped back and forth between the two of them.

The cat was usually very sensible. Regardless of what its sleep schedule was, so long as the lights went off, it would quietly return to its bed without making a sound. If it wasn’t sleeping, then it would play with its toys on its own. However, it was a little uncharacteristically excited today. 

That night, it pranced over to Xie Luyu’s room and played catch with Xie Luyu for a little bit.

Xie Luyu didn’t understand why this cat liked to play catch. His thoughts were full of Gu Qingchi. Gu Qingchi had returned to his room and was probably already asleep. Therefore, Xie Luyu decided to play with the cat until it got tired so as not to bother Gu Qingchi.

“All you know how to do is play. You don’t take good care of your dad at all.”

Once the cat got tired, Xie Luyu then went to sleep. 

Xie Luyu’s room was right next to Gu Qingchi’s. He went to bed rather late. In the middle of the night, he suddenly woke up. He looked at the clock and saw that it was two in the morning. Xie Luyu has been sleeping very lightly these days. However, the quality of his sleep was actually pretty good, perhaps due to Gu Qingchi.

Xie Luyu had been out all day without taking a single sip of water. Now, he found his mouth was a little dry. He went downstairs for a drink. When he reached the staircase, he discovered that a small light was on by the coffee table in the living room. The light was faint and hazy. It was only strong enough to illuminate half of the sofa.

Gu Qingchi was sitting on the sofa in his pajamas. Xie Luyu could see his side profile, outlined in light, from where he was standing.

He sat like that, motionless, for a long, long time. 

Xie Luyu watched him from the top of the staircase until morning.

Somehow, Xie Luyu ended up moving in. He didn’t leave, and Gu Qingchi didn’t chase him away.

This time, Gu Qingchi didn’t need to do anything. Instead, Xie Luyu was the one to take the first step forward.

“Since you’ve let me live here, I’ll take care of the meals. I can’t do much of anything else, but I definitely know how to cook.” 

“Can I buy a vase for the table? In exchange, I’ll take care of the cleaning.”

He slowly and cautiously added things to the house little by little. With each passing day, the house became more like a home. The curtains were switched to a lighter color. During the day, the curtains would be opened and the sun would come pouring in. Gu Qingchi and his cat would often be found lying on the soft rug of the living room.

Xie Luyu slowly got closer to Gu Qingchi. One day, he inadvertently asked Gu Qingchi for a key to the house. Gu Qingchi took a look at Xie Luyu. Then, he gave it to him.

Xie Luyu heaved a sigh of relief. As long as Gu Qingchi didn’t cut off the relationship without the slightest room for discussion, Xie Luyu would be satisfied. 

Now that they were starting over again, Xie Luyu chose to hand the initiative over to Gu Qingchi. He approached cautiously, hoping that this would give the other a sense of security.

Xie Luyu was in contact with a professional psychiatrist in order to discuss Gu Qingchi’s situation. However, unless the psychiatrist met with the patient in question, there would always be some deviation from reality. Furthermore, the previous diagnosis had been made three years ago, so it wasn’t entirely accurate anymore.

Not even the best doctor would be willing to hastily draw a conclusion without even meeting the patient first. The psychiatrist had repeatedly urged Xie Luyu to bring Gu Qingchi in for an in-person consultation. However, Xie Luyu wasn’t very clear about Gu Qingchi’s situation. He didn’t want to make any rash decisions.

In the time that he’d been living with Gu Qingchi, Xie Luyu never saw him taking any medicine or related treatments. However, the diagnosis was right there, and the certificate of diagnosis was from quite a while ago. 

Xie Luyu suspected that Gu Qingchi had a fear of doctors.