CH 78

The weather was surprisingly good today. The sun was shining, and the evergreen trees in the garden could be seen from through the window. The leaves of these long-growing trees were a deep green. They made for a comforting picture.

Gu Qingchi got up very early. He stared out the window for a long time. Xie Luyu brought him a blanket, a pillow, and a large cup of warm milk. After finishing all of his tasks, he joined him by the window. 

Gu Qingchi kept staring out the window. It was as if nothing around him mattered. He’d become a lot more silent these past couple of days. This meant that his mood had taken another dip. Xie Luyu had gotten used to it. He spent each day hanging onto Gu Qingchi’s every move.

Now that he thought back, there had been signs of his troubling behavior in the past.

However, Xie Luyu hadn’t thought anything of it at the time. He simply assumed that Gu Qingchi had run into something unpleasant or something like that. In fact, he’d even felt that the other wasn’t that good at withstanding pressure. Although he was patient and kind with Gu Qingchi, he’d always been unconcerned.

After a while, Xie Luyu had even started to grow fed up with his moods. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even bother himself with them. Xie Luyu had always been a strong person himself, so he felt that everyone else must be strong like him as well. He’d been too self-righteous, too arrogant. He’d never spent the time to understand others. Now, it was finally coming back to bite him in the ass. 

At that time, Gu Qingchi may have had these random bouts of depression, but he didn’t actually bother anyone with them. If there was someone to coax and soothe him, he would get over it fairly quickly. If there wasn’t, he would keep to himself and get over it on his own. He really didn’t like to cause others any trouble.

Now, Xie Luyu would think twice every time he encountered one of these dips in his mood. Then, he would be even more cautious, even more careful.

He found that this particular bout of depression seemed to have lasted a bit longer than usual. It had been several days since Xie Luyu reunited with Gu Qingchi, but Gu Qingchi hadn’t seemed to have cheered up even once during that entire time. He simply lived in his own little world, and nothing else seemed to matter. Whatever Xie Luyu gave him, Gu Qingchi would accept. Not once did he ask for something of his own accord.

Gu Qingchi stayed there by the window for who knows how long. Suddenly, he opened his mouth and spoke.

“I want to spend some time in the garden today.”

Xie Luyu was pleasantly surprised. He immediately agreed.

“Sure. The weather’s good today. Go change out of your pajamas. I’ll tidy up the garden table. If you want, we can start up a barbecue.”

Gu Qingchi hummed in response. Xie Luyu’s proposal seemed to have caught his interest, so he let the other know that he wanted to eat fish. 

He was in really good condition today. It was as if a puppet had come to life all of a sudden.

Gu Qingchi hadn’t tidied up after waking up that morning. The two of them decided to have their meal in the garden. Gu Qingchi went to wash up, and Xie Luyu went to set up the barbecue grill. Gu Qingchi changed out of his pajamas and put on a warm sweater, tidying himself up. He even put in the effort to carefully tidy up his hair.

By the time he finished tidying up, Xie Luyu had pretty much finished preparing everything. He just so happened to be bringing a chair and ingredients out to the garden. Gu Qingchi took the chair from him.

The grill had already been started. The cat had smelled the scent of fish and was very excited. It sat on the chair next to Gu Qingchi, poking its head out every now and then. 

Gu Qingchi wasn’t very good at grilling, but he was very willing to grill the food himself. Halfway through the process, however, his mind started to wander and his attention shifted to the plants next to him. Xie Luyu helped keep an eye on the grill for him.

Suddenly, Gu Qingchi piped up.

“The flowers are all dead.”

Xie Luyu also looked over at the plants as well. Besides a couple of evergreen trees, there was also a sea of flower bushes. However, those flowers were all annual plants. Now that they were entering autumn, the flowers had all withered and wilted away. Even the leaves were starting to turn yellow. 

Immediately, Gu Qingchi seemed to have lost interest once again. He was like an electric toy that was low on battery. He unenthusiastically ate a few bits of fish. There was still a great deal of food left.

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Xie Luyu instantly panicked.

He wanted to ask, “How could living be hard? Weren’t you fine just a moment ago? Hanging out in the garden and grilling fish were all things that you wanted to do. Why would you feel tired?”

However, Xie Luyu didn’t ask. None of that was important. He was now learning to understand Gu Qingchi.

Xie Luyu wasn’t able to truly empathize with Gu Qingchi. However, he must be terribly upset. Otherwise, why would he cry? Gu Qingchi wasn’t someone who liked to cry. He must truly be upset in order to cry like that. 

Xie Luyu was almost thankful that he was crying out loud. Xie Luyu recalled the doctor saying that breakdowns were always silent.

Silent. How awful was that? He wouldn’t even have a chance to save things.

Xie Luyu tentatively hugged Gu Qingchi. He tucked his head by his chest and gently stroked his hair.

“I know. I know it’s hard. Xiao Gu is tired. Xiao Gu has already done a very good job. Still, I want you to keep trying. If you start feeling bad, just let me know.” 

Xie Luyu rambled on and on. He hugged Gu Qingchi for a long, long time.

It was the middle of the night. Gu Qingchi had already fallen asleep.

Xie Luyu was still on the phone on the balcony. He kept speaking with the psychiatrist, who charged by the minute, as if money wasn’t an object.

“It happened just earlier today. He was fine at first but then he started crying and saying that living was too hard…” 

“You should come again tomorrow.”

Xie Luyu had actually wanted to call the doctor over many times, and there were a couple times in which the doctor actually did come. However, Xie Luyu never knew how to approach the topic with Gu Qingchi. Thus, he would always let it go.

“It’s probably best if you stay at the nearby convenience store first. I’ll check the situation and give you a call later.”

Gu Qingchi’s neighborhood was rather remote, and there weren’t any coffee shops or the like nearby. Every time the doctor made a visit, he would stay at the nearby convenience store. This doctor was relatively good-natured. Besides, Xie Luyu paid him a lot of money, so he was more than happy to play along. 

Meanwhile, Xie Luyu spent all night thinking about this matter. Finally, he came up with a good excuse.

⁂

The next day, Xie Luyu waited for Gu Qingchi to finish eating.

Xie Luyu brought the topic up casually. 

“A notice was sent from the company group chat. Take a look. Did you get it?”

Gu Qingchi pulled out his cell phone. As usual, he didn’t have very many notifications, so the notice was fairly conspicuous.

[Attention! From this day forward, mental health checkups will now be held once a month for all artists within the company. Individuals at higher risk can increase the number of checkups depending upon the results of their mental health assessment.]

The mental health assessment took the form of a questionnaire, and he needed to pass each item on the assessment. The doctor would also provide comments and suggestions. Gu Qingchi was always with other people at the company. At that time, mental health evaluations had come right after physical examinations. He’d even had to wait in line for his turn. 

The assessment had a lot of questions, but they were virtually the same every time. Gu Qingchi was always able to pick out what the right answer was supposed to be, so he tended to score well.

At the end of the evaluation, there would be a one-on-one conversation with the doctor. The doctor may notice something and put it down in the comments. For instance, they may note that the individual had anxious tendencies. However, this wasn’t uncommon for people within the entertainment industry, so Gu Qingchi didn’t really stick out among them. In fact, Ye Li and Xiao Ke thought that Gu Qingchi was just a little emotionally unstable. There were quite a few artists who were like that. After all, they were under a lot of pressure. All things considered, Gu Qingchi was actually relatively normal compared to some of them.

Xie Luyu continued blabbering a bunch of nonsense.

“I just made an appointment with a doctor. He’ll come here in a bit. He’s done evaluations for me before. You should get one done too. We can hand in our assessments together when the time comes.” 

Gu Qingchi, who had been designated as a “high risk individual” by default, didn’t even notice anything off.

The doctor soon arrived. He looked quite young. Unlike those doctors in white coats that he’d met before, this doctor was dressed very casually. He looked like a neighbor you’d see every day.

He wore a camel-colored sweater and black glasses. He also had soft, curly hair and an affable smile. No matter how you looked at him, he looked like a friendly and energetic young man. He held a briefcase in his hands, and the briefcase looked just as friendly as he did. There were cartoon patterns printed all along its surface.

Gu Qingchi gave the briefcase a second glance. He picked up the briefcase and warmly introduced it to him. 

“The yellow mouse-thing is pikachu. It can discharge electricity. When it discharges electricity, it says, ‘pika, pika, pikachu.'”

His imitation was very good. Gu Qingchi cracked a small smile.

Xie Luyu was sitting next to Gu Qingchi.

The doctor hadn’t forgotten that he was here under an excuse, so he did his best to play the role. 

“My name is Jiang Cheng. You guys can call me Dr. Jiang. I’ve brought the files of both of you. Who would like to be evaluated first?”

Xie Luyu coughed and started to discuss it with Gu Qingchi.

“It’s all the same to me. Why don’t you go first?”

Gu Qingchi hummed in response. He earnestly made a suggestion. 

“You can fill out the questionnaire first, and I’ll speak with the doctor first. It’ll save time that way.”

The doctor’s smile hadn’t changed. He brought out a stack of papers and handed them to Xie Luyu.

“Sure. Let’s save time. There are quite a few questions this time around.”

Xie Luyu coughed. He took the stack of paper and started working on the questions. He felt that he needed to set an example for Gu Qingchi. Thus, he actually answered them rather earnestly. 

The doctor decided not to ask about any symptoms. That would be way too obvious. Besides, Xie Luyu had told him about everything in great detail. If Gu Qingchi ate even two bites less at dinner, Xie Luyu would already be itching to report it to him.

He spoke casually with Gu Qingchi. He also ran a few small tests during the conversation.

Xie Luyu, on the other hand, was still filling out the questionnaire.

The doctor held a ballpoint pen in his hand. He wrote something down on the company’s mental health evaluation of Gu Qingchi. 

“Mn, I don’t think you need to fill out the questionnaire anymore. You’re showing symptoms of anxiety, as well as symptoms of insomnia. I’m a little stricter with my standards. You haven’t passed the conversational portion of the evaluation, so you’ll be getting special treatment. I’ll be talking to you once a week. You should be able to continue working normally. It shouldn’t affect your schedule too much.”

Xie Luyu’s stack of questions consisted not just of multiple choice questions but short answer questions as well. He had just now finished the questions. He handed the questionnaire back to the doctor. Then, he whispered to Gu Qingchi.

“This doctor’s really strict. I also failed his evaluation a couple of times. He was always dragging me off to talk.”

Xie Luyu pretended to go through the rest of the evaluation with Dr. Jiang. Then, he sent the doctor to the door. 

“What should we do? I feel like the problem’s pretty serious. He’s always in a really low mood. Can’t you prescribe him some medicine? Watching him suffer like this is torture.”

Dr. Jiang got serious as well. He adjusted his glasses.

“I can’t just prescribe medicine at random, especially antidepressants. They can be addictive. At present, he does display depressive tendencies. However, it’s only been a week since you started telling me about his situation. That’s way too short of a time frame. A diagnosis is very complicated. I still need to talk with him a few more times. It’s best if we just keep an eye on him for now.”

⁂ 

Within a large villa, a woman absentmindedly fiddled with the bird’s nest in front of her with a spoon as she spoke on the phone.

“Isn’t it ridiculous? I found out about my son’s divorce from social media.”

It wasn’t clear what the person on the other side of the phone said, but the woman threw her spoon down into her bowl.

“What am I supposed to do? Just let him be? Sure, I can’t control Xie Luyu, but I can control that child. He looked obedient enough. Who would have thought he would get a divorce and run off like that?” 

Translator’s Note:

Here they come.

It’s them, hi, they’re the problem, it’s them.