CH 10.2

It turned out to be a thick notebook.

Dai Xingren came to his wife’s residence, sneaked into her study, and took out a book from the drawer under the desk, with VCDs embedded in it. He played the VCD and what appeared on the screen was actually footage of him operating on a patient. She had collected video footage of every single major operation he had performed in America, recording the date of the operation and the patient’s operation’s reasons.

On the back of each VCD, she wrote on a post-it note her thoughts –

‘Honey, this is your first paediatric heart transplant, isn’t it? But you look so calm, are you even nervous? Or are you used to hiding your panic behind a mask of calm?’

‘Your cooperation with everyone is getting better and better. The dean over there also said that you performed very well. I am happy for you.’

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‘Are you having a good time, my dear? Is life working out for you? Don’t be a shut-in, make friends so you don’t get too lonely.’

‘Congratulations, you have been officially promoted to be the chief physician of the Department of Pediatrics. It is the Cardiovascular Surgery Department of your dreams. I knew you could do it.’

‘You saved this woman’s life. I heard that her husband and children were crying and thanking you. You are so awesome. You are my hero.’

Tl oyp y blas, y blas kd bla blyav. Eyvnbkdt bkxplzq kd vbl srlayvkdt assx yzsdt okvb vbl osaep qwzz sq zshl yde vldeladlpp, xyel bkp lulp nzswe kd vlyap yde bkp blyav ynbl, wdvkz bl nakle.

Tkp okql, obs bye zshle bkx ps xwnb, bye yzoyup clld oyvnbkdt bkx kd pkzldnl. Fbl bye dlhla vwadle bla cynj sd bkx, bla zshl yde blyav bye yzoyup qszzsole bkx.

Mbld, obu eke pbl kdpkpv sd dsv pllkdt bkx, yde obu eke pbl kdpkpv sd eakhkdt bkx yoyu qasx bla pkel?

Tl vbswtbv ycswv kv kd qawpvayvksd, cwv ynvwyzzu bye y hytwl wdelapvydekdt sq kv. Ebld bl tzydnle yv y bydeoakvvld dsvl yvvynble vs vbl lde sq vbl dsvlcssj, bl oyp lhld xsal pwal vbyv bkp pwprknksdp olal nsaalnv.

Fbl eashl bkx yoyu clnywpl pbl zshle bkx yde kd saela vs nsxrzlvl bkp plzq.

‘Yu xsvbla vsze xl ycswv uswa qyvbla. Xdzu vbld eke R wdelapvyde uswa scplppksd yde bso ekqqknwzv kv kp qsa usw vs fwttzl uswa kelyzp okvb uswa qyxkzu. Ekvb xl yaswde, usw pyke usw’e cl ekpvaynvle, aktbv? Fs ewakdt vbkp rlakse sq vkxl, usw nyd rwapwl uswa kelyzp vs uswa blyav’p nsdvldv. Zsw esd’v dlle vs nyal ycswv xl, zlv yzsdl osaau ycswv xl. Kwpv jllr osajkdt sd uswa xleknyz pjkzzp yde xyjl uswaplzq pvasdtla. Mbld, obld usw yal vkale yde xkpp xl hlau xwnb, nsxl cynj vs xl!

R okzz oykv qsa usw kd Mykoyd.’

Mbkp oykv oyp qkhl ulyap. Rq bl byed’v alvwadle vs Mykoyd vs srlayvl sd bla taydexsvbla, bso zsdt oswze pbl byhl oykvle qsszkpbzu? Gde bso zsdt oswze kv byhl vyjld qsa bkp pvwrke yde pzso-okvvle plzq vs wdelapvyde bla wdprsjld ellr qllzkdtp?

“You’re right, Chuan Ya, I’m… a fool.” He choked on a mute sob, stroking every word his beloved wife had written down. His heart was hurting so much that he could barely breathe.

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He was so stupid, so stupid indeed, that he couldn’t have guessed she had helped him complete his ownself, and instead, thought she hated him and couldn’t forgive him. 

In fact, she had never hated him, had she? She had always been in his shoes, thinking of him. Knowing that he was struggling with his marriage and his ideals, she put on a show of heartless drama, forcing him to leave the country to pursue his dreams.

I can’t tell anyone, they all love me too much. If they knew the truth, they would feel sorry for me and rush to call you back for me. They would force you to stay in Taiwan and love me well, but I don’t want that, I want you to be free.

In order to give him freedom, she did not hesitate to deceive everyone who loved her, preferring everyone to misunderstand her stubborn refusal to forgive him.

“You’re so stupid, so stupid, Chuan Ya, how can you… be so stupid?” Dai Xingren whispered bitterly, feeling angry for his stupid wife.

He wiped away his tears, and suddenly he could no longer restrain the strong desire in his heart to see his wife. Now, immediately!

Clutching the handwritten book, he ran down the stairs like a whirlwind, jumped into his car and drove to the hospital at a high speed. Like a madman, he ignored the odd glances of the crowd, only intent on getting to his wife’s side.

This time, the door of the room was half open, and she happened to be looking out, as if looking for him, but when she saw him, she immediately slammed the door in embarrassment.

He opened the door and went in. She was standing by the window with her back to him, proud and upright, but seemed a little too delicate to him.

“What are you… doing here again?” She said harshly. “If you’re going to tell me about you not being a doctor, I don’t want to hear about it!”

Her tone was jarring and her attitude arrogant, but he knew that she actually felt sorry for him and couldn’t bear the thought of him giving up his ambitions so easily.

If he hadn’t seen her handwritten notes today, how long would she have tried to hide her true feelings?

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Dai Xingren gritted his teeth and a sea of emotion surged in his chest. He rushed forward and wrapped his arms around the woman he loved the most.

“What are you doing?” She was startled.

“I’ve come to tell you something important…” He wrapped his arms tightly around her and rubbed his ears against her.

A shiver ran through her, “I told you, if you mean to say…”

“I love you.” He whispered.

“What?” She was surprised.

“I love you, Chuan Ya.” He passionately expressed his love, confessed to her, revealed his true heart which was not false at all. “I had loved you five years ago and I still love you now. I never forget you for a day, I think about you every day. I dream about you, and since I’ve reunited with you, I find myself loving you even more than before.”

“You..” She was speechless and her soul was turned upside down by his passionate words of love. She even thought she was dreaming or else she was hallucinating. How could this man, who had always been awkward and clueless in matters regarding love, confess his love to her like that?

“Do you really know what… you’re talking about?”

“Of course I do.” He turned her gently and looked at her dazed face in the warm yellow light of the room. “I love you, Chuan Ya, and I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long time.”

She was silent, tears filling her eyelashes and shining in his eyes.

“You love me, too, don’t you?” He asked in a trembling voice.

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She nodded, seemingly too dumb to speak.

“You drove me to America to make my ambitions come true, didn’t you?

“How do you.. know?”

“I’ve seen it all.” He took out the notebook from the inner pocket of his coat. “This, and those VCDs in your collection, I’ve seen them all.”

“How could you!” She was stunned, but on second thought, it dawned on her. “It’s Yi An, right? Did she find them and told you? No wonder she had such a weird expression when she came back to see me just now. She’s really… too much.”

“If she hadn’t told me, would you still have kept it from me?” He looked at her reproachfully, but the touch of caressing her brow was tender enough to make her want to cry.

“How could you keep all this inside you and not tell me? How hard has it been for you these past five years?”

“I’m not bitter, I’m… happy.” She gazed at him with tearful eyes. “You said you had learnt a lot in the past five years and had gained a lot of insight. This proves that I did the right thing and that I should set you free.”

He met her affectionate gaze with disappointment.

He couldn’t lie and say that he hadn’t had a fulfilling five years. He couldn’t say whenever he had saved a life and faced their faint, but grateful faces, he had not felt any satisfaction from the feat in his heart.

She was right. If he hadn’t thought she hated him, he would never have been able to leave her alone in Taiwan all these years.

“But it’s too much for you, too painful…” Even if over these five years he had lived his dream, his ambition, it couldn’t be at her expense! “I don’t want you to suffer for me.”

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“I didn’t suffer.” While weeping, she continued with a smile. “From the moment I fell in love with you, I knew that your dream was my dream and your ideal was my ideal. To have you fulfilled is to fulfill myself.”

To fulfill himself was to fulfill herself.

What a profound and tangled love, could he afford it? Was he worthy of her love?

He was just an… ordinary man. No wonder she was so angry and heartbroken when he said he didn’t want to be a doctor anymore. He was simply trampling on her love…

“I don’t want to part with you.” He confessed to her sadly. “I don’t want to face that choice again, you or the patient. This choice, it hurts too much to make.”

“So that’s how it is.” Mo Chuan Ya finally understood. She understood that her husband valued his ideals, but valued her more as his wife. She was so moved she kissed his moist lips, and felt her love warming sweetly. “Thank you for cherishing me so much, Xingren, but you’re a doctor, and that’s what you have to take on, don’t you think? Just remember, whenever you face your patients with your sincere heart, no matter where I am at that time, I am proud of you.” 

“You’re proud of me?” He whispered with a shudder. It was the most precious compliment a man could ever hear, especially from the woman he loved the most.

She raised her eyes and looked at him. There was no need to say anything more or explain anything. All her sweet, tender feelings, courage and perseverance that she could muster were present in those eyes.

He was a doctor, she was a doctor’s wife. As long as the person he loved the most was her, she was the strongest woman.