Chapter 202 - I’m afraid of what comes with marriage

Xiu Mei stared at him unbelievably as if trying to grasp what he said just now as her face drained of color, leaving her pale and struggling for breath. If Jianyu has asked this question seven years back to Alice, by now she might have jumped into his arms and kissed him, chanting yes yes yes repetitively. However she is not Alice but Xiu Mei, there are fragments of past that she is still carrying with her.

"J-Jianyu… I… Let's sleep. I'm feeling tired" she tried to get off his lap but he didn't allow her to do so and held her firmly. This was not the reaction he had expected from her.

"No. You are not feeling tired but trying to avoid the topic." His voice was firm and little cold as he continued to look into her eyes, while she desperately tries to avert his gaze.

"Please… Let's sleep!" She pleaded him, her eyes glistened with tears, breaking his heart. He was not angry at her but surprised why is she not saying anything about marriage. Why her attitude changed all of a sudden when he proposed her? Even if she does not wants to marry him as of now, they can talk to each other, hear the reasons, but running away from the topic is not a solution.

"Mei, talk to me." He cupped her face in between her palms and asked gently. She loves him unconditionally, then why is she running away from the idea of marriage. If the reason is, she needs time, he is willing to give her as much time as she wants. But if the reason is something else, he has to get to the bottom of it before it becomes another major problem in their relationship.

She looked at him warily, her throat choking. "Is marriage necessary? Can't we be in this relationship forever? Just you and me, partners for life."

He was shocked by her answer. She is willing to be with him for life but does not wants to marry. Why? When they both love each other then why can't she marry him? "Love, are you afraid of marriage? Or are you afraid that my love for you will change after marriage? Tell me the reason why don't you want to get married? Is it me or something else?"

She shook her head vehemently, "I don't have any doubt on your love, I'm sure you'll be the best husband. The problem is with me, it's that I…." She sighed, her shoulders drooped. Shutting her eyes for a few seconds she took a deep breath to collect her scattered thoughts. "I-I… I'm afraid of what comes with marriage."

"What do you mean?"

"P-Physical relationship… S-SEX"

Feng Jianyu took a sigh of relief getting an answer from her, thank god at least she answered this time. "So you are just afraid of the deed! Ufffff... You scared the hell out of me for a second! I thought I'll forever be bachelor" He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "Silly, if you are not comfortable with Sex, we can take it slowly. We don't have to do it all at one go. I will take one step at a time with you…. I will…." He stopped when she shook her head again.

"Nooo…. It's something else."

"Then what is it? Tell me. Just now you said you are afraid of a physical relationship and now you are saying it's something else." His tone was stern this time. He pulled her into his arms and stroked her back gently, "Mei, I know you like my touch, I've seen it. I know you love me. I know you want to spend your life with me. If everything is perfect between us then what's holding you back. Open up to me about it. Please tell me. Don't let it come in between our relationship. I can't afford to lose you again"

"J-Jianyu..."

"No... Not again love. You are repeating history by not talking to me. Remember we promised each other that we'll always talk things out before sleeping and would never sleep over the matter. Otherwise, none of us will be able to sleep and keep on tossing the sides, making the situation worse..... Am i right?"

"Hm!" He heard a muffled sound and encourage her to talk, "Right! So be good and talk to me. I'm not here to judge but listen to your thoughts."

She knows how stubborn he is when it comes to her, he will never let go of her without knowing the valid reason. And he has every right to ask her about her hesitancy towards marriage. He has every right to know what is she trying to hide from him. They have moved so much ahead in this relationship that backing off is not an option for them.

Xiu Mei took a deep breath, his scent calmed down her senses, giving her the courage to let Jianyu see the reality. Whatever decision he will take after this, she won't judge him for that either...

"Jianyu?" He heard her calling from his arms. "Yes, tell me. I'm all ears"

"C-Can you undo the zip of my dress please?" Hearing her words a deep frown gathered on Jianyu's forehead as he tried to pull her off from the hug but she refused to buzz. "No, let me hug you. You just do as I say"

"But…."

"Please… It's a request. Undo the zip"

With quivering hands he brushed the hair off, pushing it on her shoulders. He looked down to look for the zipper and pulled it down as per her request until it reaches her lower back. Unlike last time there was no mischief or playfulness, he did the task mechanically and removed his hand off of her naked skin.

She felt her dress getting loosened up when he undid the zip. Since it was a slip on dress, she has to hold onto it from the front to prevent it from falling down. With her left hand on chest, she holds the dress on her body and pulls off from his hug.

Their gaze met, his eyes asking her numerous questions. She runs her other hand at the back of his neck, slightly lifted her body up and kissed him; he reacted to her kiss by kissing her back. With great effort, she broke the kiss abruptly; leaving him puzzled and gets off of his lap.

She stood beside the bed and dropped the hand down that was holding the gown on her body. The gown slips down from her beautiful slender body on to the floor, leaving the girl standing there naked, vulnerable, and ashamed. Instinctively she covered her naked breast with her hands, the only piece of cloth on her naked body was her white undergarment to cover her forbidden area.

Unlike her shy nature when it comes to intimacy, now when she was standing naked in front of Jianyu, there was not a tinge of blush on her cheeks. She was standing there like an emotionless robot, lips pressed firmly, her eyes glued to the floor, refusing to look at the man sitting in front of her.