CH 53

Chapter 53 – Identity of Thorns

As I listened to Moriyama-kun’s sleeping breath and gazed at his sleeping face, I realized how stupid I was.

I was the one who came early in the morning and forced him to wake up.

I also forced him to go for a walk after breakfast, even though he was half-asleep..

Furthermore, even during breaks between studies, Moriyama-kun must not have been able to rest because I hugged him every time.

He would have been more relaxed and refreshed if he had slept alone, but instead, he listened to my selfishness and agreed to sleep with me…

Moriyama-kun’s shy expression, which had been dazzling earlier, now looks like an exhausted sleeping face.

I feel a prickling pain on my chest.

I’m terribly ashamed now of the person I was just a moment ago.

Have I always been like this?

Have I continued to burden Moriyama-kun by putting my own love for him first and pushing through my selfishness?

“A woman’s love is a battle,” huh…?

I’m just swinging him around for my convenience, and it’s extremely selfish.

I let my love for Moriyama-kun get out of control, and I selfishly thought of him as special and was unable to care for him.

Moriyama-kun was always the first to worry about my health, and if anything happened to me, he would put me first, even to the point of exaggeration.

When I first knocked him out with a kick, or when I had a nosebleed during lunch, he put my own health first and foremost.

I felt so sorry for Moriyama-kun that tears spontaneously started to flow.

“Huu~, I’m sorry…”

I gently slipped out of bed so as not to wake Moriyama-kun, took out a cardigan from my bag and put it on.

I approached the bed again, crouched down on my knees and spoke quietly to the sleeping Moriyama-kun.

“I love Moriyama-kun. I love you from the bottom of my heart. But I’m immature and I realize I’m not qualified to say how I feel. Thank you for today. I was very happy that we slept together, even if only for a little while. Good night.”

I gently pat Moriyama-kun’s head.

He’s truly adorable.

And yet I…

After wiping my tears and standing up, I took several deep breaths to calm myself down, then changed clothes and grabbed my bag and left the room.

◇◆◇

I knocked on the door of Haruko-chan’s room, which was next to Moriyama-kun’s room.

“Yes, come in.”

When I opened the door, Haruko-chan was still awake and studying at her desk.

“W-What’s wrong, Himeka-san? Come in for now!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for disturbing your study.”

“That’s fine. So what’s the matter? Did my brother do something rude?”

Saying that, Haruko-chan stood up and hugged me as she took me to the heater.

“No, Moriyama-kun didn’t do anything wrong. He listened to all my selfishness. When I said I wanted to sleep on the bed with him tonight, he had the common sense to object, but in the end he allowed me to sleep with him.”

“So what’s the matter? What happened?”

“Yeah… Moriyama-kun was tired and fell asleep. But I realized that it was all because I was making him force himself to do so.”

“What do you mean?”

“This morning, I was here before 7am and I woke Moriyama-kun up. Moriyama-kun said he was sleepy. I forced him to get dressed, pulled him downstairs and took him to have breakfast, but he still said he was sleepy, so I forced him out again, this time to wake up and go for a walk with Dozle-kun.”

“I sort of understand, but you don’t have to feel responsible for getting him up a bit early. And he rarely walks Dozle in the morning, but it’s still an almost daily habit.”

“No. That’s not all. I wanted to be close to Moriyama-kun when we were studying, so I forced him to sit right next to me in the kotatsu, and I’m sure it was hard for him to do so because it was so cramped. And because I was hugging Moriyama-kun every time we took a break, Moriyama-kun wouldn’t have been able to take a break at all.”

“I see… I’m sure it was a bit too much… But that’s because I encouraged you to push harder.”

“And it’s not just about today, it’s about everything up until now. I realized that I always put my own feelings first and put a lot of pressure on Moriyama-kun. Moriyama-kun was always worried about my physical condition, and even in the slightest thing, he put me first, even to the point of exaggeration.”

“It’s true that my brother has a tendency to prioritize others over himself.”

“Yeah, I took it for granted, and on the contrary, I wasn’t able to be considerate of Moriyama-kun. When I realized that, I felt ashamed of myself and realized I didn’t have the right to confess to Moriyama-kun anymore.”

“W-Wait a minute! Isn’t that a bit too hasty!?”

“No. I’ve realized that I’m immature. I’m not good enough for Moriyama-kun.”

“N-No way…”

“That’s why I’m sorry. You’ve given me so much advice. Can I sleep in your room tonight, Haruko-chan?”

“Yes, that’s fine, but are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Then let’s go to bed a bit early.”

“Sorry, Even though you were studying for your exams.”

“No, don’t worry about it. I’m also responsible for stirring up Himeka-san.”

When the lights went out after I got into Haruko-chan’s bed with her, Haruko-chan held my hand.

“Himeka-san, I don’t know if you’re qualified to make a confession or not. But my brother and Himeka-san are a great match and I’ve always wanted them to be lovers.”

“Thank you, Haruko-chan.”

“So, even though it’s my selfishness, I don’t want Himeka-san to give up just yet.”

“Yeah… I’m going to have to examine myself a little bit…”

“If there is anything you need, just let me know. I will help you in any way I can.”

“Thank you.”

Even though she’s younger than me, she’s always looking out for me.

Haruko-chan must be like Moriyama-kun when it comes to this kind of thing.

It’s just me who’s…selfish and self-indulgent.