CH 54

Chapter 54 – Disappointment After Admitting Fondness

When I woke up in the morning, it was a little before nine o’clock.

I’m sleepy and cold but I want to turn on the heater, so I do my best to crawl out from under the futon and turn on the heater.

I immediately put the kotatsu in, and sank deep into it up to my neck.

When I was in a daze, I became aware of something stuck in my mind, as if I had forgotten something, and I thought, ‘What is it?’

…AHH!!!

I crawled out of the kotatsu and looked around the room.

I remembered.

Yesterday, I went to bed with Urushibara-san.

And, if I remember correctly… I feel like I’ve put Urushibara-san on my arm.

But I don’t remember anything after that.

When did I fall asleep?

And Urushibara-san is nowhere to be found, which is the most important thing.

Her bag isn’t here.

But the study materials remain.

Did she wake up first and is downstairs?

But in that case, since it’s Urushibara-san, why didn’t she wake me up when she woke up?

No, women have a lot to do in the morning, so maybe she got up first, did her thing and then would wake up later.

But the clock has already struck nine and she hasn’t come to wake me up.

In the first place, her whole bag is gone.

Did I do something rude to Urushibara-san in bed?

For the life of me, I can only remember the part where I put my arms around her.

I remember the conversation we had before going to bed last night…

Urushibara-san gave me a shocking statement.

“Yes. I want to sleep in the futon with you because I’m prepared to do that.”

This statement…means to be with a man and a woman…

It was the moment when what I had been denying for so long was forced upon me as a reality.

“Do you like me, Urushibara-san?”

This idea has come to my mind many times before and I keep denying it.

When we held hands for the first time and I saw Urushibara-san’s shy expression…

The day we had lunch together for the first time on the emergency staircase, when we sat next to each other on the narrow staircase…

When I visited Urushibara-san’s house and she wanted to hold my hand in a united spirit…

Whenever she asks for a hug…

Whenever she “ahhn” me while eating…

I’ve had it in my head so many times.

But I kept denying the idea to myself.

She can’t possibly like a dull man like me.

I learned from Kasumi that it’s just a hubris mistake to think that we have feelings for each other.

It’s almost painful to be mistaken for someone as popular as Urushibara-san.

Urushibara-san only became my friend out of guilt and goodwill for injuring me.

I’m a bad person who can’t read the air.

So there’s no way that I could properly understand the feelings of others in such an advanced level of love.

So I kept denying it.

If anything, I’ve been forcing myself not to think of it even before I denied it.

Just thinking about such a possibility alone is a bit arrogant.

Until last night, when Urushibara-san asked me to share the bed with her, I had no doubt in my mind.

However, Urushibara-san’s words last night completely contradicted my previous thoughts.

“Yes. I want to sleep in the futon with you because I’m prepared to do that.”

Urushibara-san-san said she was ready to be with me as a man and a woman and wanted to sleep in sleepwear with me for the night. She also wanted to sleep cuddled together.

At that time, I can picture the expression on Urushibara-san’s face as she looked at me anxiously with moist eyes.

Having been shown this much, I have to admit.

Urushibara-san likes me.

It is neither a misunderstanding nor a misconception.

In fact, after we went to bed together, Urushibara-san, unlike her usual calm and ladylike modesty, radiated a woman’s distinctive sexuality or charm. I instinctively felt that she was aware of me as a man and was prepared to act as a man and a woman.

If I had stayed awake, we would have been tied together by now.

But I fell asleep.

I left Urushibara-san, who had made up her mind, and fell asleep, unable to overcome the sleepiness.

As a result, Urushibara-san must have gotten fed up with me and left the room.

When I reached that point of thought, I deflated and sat down on my bed.

Is this it…?

I’ve had my heart broken again.

I also like Urushibara-san.

Well, of course I like her.

Such a kind, good-looking, and beautiful woman was always close to me.

She held my hand and hugged me every day, and even made lunch for me.

When I got involved with Kasumi and when my junior Kudo-kun made fun of me, she got really angry for me.

Of course I would like her.

That’s why I’ve been stubborn and continued to deny Urushibara-san’s goodwill.

‘It can’t be true,’ I thought

It’s not fair that I should fall in love with a woman as lovely as Urushibara-san.

I should be content with our friendship and cherish it, because there is no possible future for us to be united.

Looking back, I think this was my principle of action towards Urushibara-san.

Maintaining a comfortable friendship with Urushibara-san.

A time as friends to spend peacefully, without the desire for a lover’s relationship.

But that idea was dismissed last night, and I blew off the chance for us to go from friends to lovers.

What kind of face should I make when I meet Urushibara-san?

What attitude and what words should I use?

It’s the second time in my life that I’ve been heartbroken, but it’s still painful.

My stomach aches.

But I’m sure Urushibara-san’s situation is more painful than mine.

Because she was ready to spend the night with me, and then I fell asleep in front of her.

She’s probably disappointed and angry with me by now.

The evidence of this is that she has disappeared from my room and yesterday she came to wake me up before seven o’clock, but today she hasn’t come to wake me up even after nine o’clock…

Not only did I get my heart broken, but I guess I also lost her affection.

From the beginning, I didn’t want a romantic relationship.

It was nice to have her as a friend.

If possible, I would like to continue our relationship as friends.

But I wonder if it’s no longer possible.

I want to make sure of it with Urushibara-san, but what should I say to her?

What kind of face should I make?

What if she hates me so much that she doesn’t even want to look at my face?

Anxiety swirled around in my head, making me sick to the point of vomiting.

This is bad.

I’m really going to throw up.

I somehow managed to get up and left the room to go to the bathroom.

But the toilet was locked.

When I knocked, “It’s occupied,” Urushibara-san’s voice answered.

As soon as I heard that, the contents of my stomach were forced to rise up and I threw up on the spot.