No matter how much Chu Yun looked into Xiao Zai's face, or asked him questions he didn't answer. He was no closer to having the answers he needed.
His first order of business was to find Gu Wei, who had temporarily relocated to his old quarters because of Xiao Zai's condition.
Jin Luan greeted him at the door, and led him towards the reception room where it seemed like Gu Wei had been playing the guqin for the two of them before Chu Yun's interruption.
He took a seat at the table, while Gu Wei took the guqin out of the way.
"You don't look well," he said, his fine eyebrows pinched above his clear eyes. "Did something happen to Xiao Zai?"
Chu Yun inhaled deeply and then told him everything the physician had said.
"I don't know what to do," he said, lowering his head into his folded arms on top of the table.
He was so tired. Despite what he kept telling Hua Nanyi and everyone else, that week he spent unconscious didn't feel restful at all. He felt as if he had been awake for all of it.
Gu Wei placed both hands on top of the wooden table and leaned back with his eyes closed. His sleek black hair was loose, and streamed down his back like an inky waterfall. Jin Luan's eyes were glued to his every movement, as if he could read Gu Wei's mind and guess what he was going to do next.
"Do you know who's responsible for this?"
Chu Yun nodded. "I have an idea."
"I hope you make them pay," Gu Wei said, without pressing Chu Yun for any more information. "Other than that, I don't know what else to say." He kept his eyes closed, obviously trying to keep his breathing level. "You can't ask me to make that choice."
"But," Chu Yun started.
Gu We shook his head with finality. "No, for the same reason this choice is so hard for you, you must realise why it's impossible for me as well."
He reached across the table and gripped the back of Chu Yun's hand, nearly startling him. "I know how you feel about my son, but please understand, he's been yours for less than a year, but he's been my son, my baby, my everything, all his life."
His eyelashes trembled, like feathery dams holding back tears. "The bond between a parent and child is indescribable, as you'll soon learn." He looked towards Jin Luan, his eyelashes lowering over his eyes. "Not that one love is greater than the other, but...you can imagine a life without the one you love, however painful, however lonely."
Chu Yun had the impression he was talking from experience, his gaze looked faintly bruised, as if he was poking at an old wound.
"You can even survive that loneliness, that constant heartbreak" he said, meeting Chu Yun's eyes. "but the loss of a child?" He sucked on a breath while shaking his head, as if he couldn't even stand to think about it.
Chu Yun understood, he wasn't going to push Gu Wei into a decision he couldn't make. Before he could get up, Gu Wei's fingers tightened around his wrist.
"For what its worth, I trust you."
He went to the Pearl courtyard, to sit under the scholar tree where he used to meet with Min Sezhui and think.
He just wanted to get his thoughts in order, take a breather somewhere peaceful and quiet and surrounded by nature.
The courtyard reminded him of the early days of his marriage to Xiao Zai, when they disagreed on so much, but somehow Xiao Zai still indulged him.
Those memories seemed to him unbelievably tender, even as they pierced him to the core.
He didn't notice Min Sezhui's presence until she called out to him, "It's a lovely day isn't it?"
Her sweet voice startled him, but he relaxed when he saw her sitting opposite him at the stone table, twisting a little branch dotted with peach blossoms around between her thin fingers.
Maybe the day was indeed lovely, but Chu Yun was in no condition to notice.
Min Sezhui noticed his apathy and gave him a concerned look. "You look tired? Is it because of his Majesty?"
Chu Yun nodded. "I have a very hard decision to make."
"What makes it so difficult?" she asked, eyes still focused on the twig covered in peach blossoms,
"Well, it can have very serious consequences." He grimaced -- that was putting it mildly, but he didn't want to burden Min Sezhui with his worries when she had struggled so hard to climb out of the pit of her own. "And there's also the fact that I'm making a decision for Xiao Zai, that he can't make himself."
He hated that aspect of it as well.
The two of them were a team, a united front in all aspects.
Min Sezhui hummed, nodding along as she thought over Chu Yun's words. "In that case, I think you should just do what he would have done."
"How so?"
She blinked up at him, smiling encouragingly. "If he was in your place, what do you think he'd do? If you know that, you can just do what he would have done anyway, and you won't be making a decision for him."
Chu Yun got up to his feet, a slow smile stretching over his face. "Sister Min is the wisest person I know."
She was visibly confused to hear him say that, but she still giggled in shock when he went around the table and kissed her on the cheek.
Chu Yun said his goodbyes and left towards his and Xiao Zai's quarters.
He knew what he was going to do now.