When Chu Yun got back to their bedroom, Xiao Zai looked exactly the same as when he'd left him.
Part of Chu Yun had hoped he would have made a miraculous recovery in the meantime, and so saved Chu Yun from having to go forward with his decision.
But he was still trapped in a deceptively tranquil-looking sleep.
Chu Yun sat down next to his head and adjusted the silk sheets around his shoulders.
"You are very troublesome, did you know?" he said, unable to hold back the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. "You're always causing trouble for me."
He wanted to lean down and kiss the laughter off of Xiao Zai's lips, as he would have done if he were awake.
Xiao Zai always made him feel like he was the funniest person on earth. One of the many delights of being married to him.
Chu Yun missed to sound of his laughter. So hard to come by when they first met, and then so abundant and free the more they got to know each other.
"I miss the sound of your voice," Chu Yun said, trailing a fingertip down Xiao Zai's bloodless lips. "I miss seeing your eyes." He sighed and shook his head. "What have you done to me?"
He smiled down at Xiao Zai. "If you die on me, just know I'll go the Underworld and hunt you down, I'll bring you back even if I have to drag you by the earlobes."
He was talking nonsense in a bid to calm his own nerves.
Actually, he couldn't even contemplate the idea of Xiao Zai dying. Let alone know what he would do if it happened.
His hand drifted from Xiao Zai's lips to his cheek, he ran one thumb over a sharp cheekbone, wishing Xiao Zai would open his eyes and give him one of his knowing looks.
The man knelt on the floor and bowed deeply. "This servant understands, this servants swears to his Royal Highness that it is his most sincerest wish that his Majesty recovers. Should his Majesty pass away, this servant will kill himself."
Chu Yun scoffed. "As if I'd give you the satisfaction." The physician didn't move from his deep prostration. "In the opposite scenario, if his Majesty recovers you will be handsomely rewarded and promoted to the ranks of royal physician. You may go now."
The man got up to his feet, bowing to Chu Yun. "This servant's biggest reward will be seeing his Majesty's return to health."
He left after that, leaving Chu Yun alone with Xiao Zai and his decision.
In the end, he knew that if their positions were reversed this was what Xiao Zai would have done.
More importantly, it was what Chu Yun would have wanted him to do.
If there was even a single chance, no matter how flimsy, Chu Yun would have wanted Xiao Zai to take it so they could be reunited. And he wouldn't want Xiao Zai to spend his days next to a living corpse, waiting for the day he would open his eyes again -- a day that might never come.
With trembling hands, he spooned some medicine onto the wooden spoon, and brought it to Xiao Zai's lips, supporting his neck. The antidote had the consistence of congee, and Xiao Zai reacted to it the same way he did to food, swallowing it down easily.
For each spoon he swallowed, Chu Yun felt the pressure around his chest releasing.
When all the medicine was gone, Chu Yun set the bowl back onto the tray and slipped in bed with Xiao Zai after discarding his outer robe.
"You have to wake up," he whispered into Xiao Zai's skin, kissing a smooth patch his neck. "Please...I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much."
He held onto Xiao Zai's shoulder, pressing their bodies close. The low beating of Xiao Zai's heart anchored him to reality.
And then a hand slid over his waist, at the same time a voice raspy with disuse whispered, "Say that again."