Gu Wei chanced a worried glance towards Xiao Zai, but Xiao Zai didn't have it in himself to react.
His mind was whirring with possibility, choking him with terrible realisation.
Gu Wei ran a trembling hand over his hair, smoothing it towards the left side of his neck instead of the right. "Ru Yi had been looking for those pills for a long time, because he thought it was his way to get everything he wanted."
Everything he wanted.
The words echoed inside Xiao Zai's head with the strength of war drums.
"He told Xiao Yao that if they had children they could be together," Gu Wei said, swallowing drily. "Even though the pills were created for humans, Ru Yi guaranteed that they would work on an alpha."
Gu Wei chanced him another discreet glance from the corner of his eye, clearly concerned with Xiao Zai's prolonged silence.
"He couldn't take them himself because he was already the King, and while he could find reason to escape to Zui from time to time, he wouldn't be able to disappear for nine months." Gu Wei looked out towards the lake below them again. "Xiao Yao was apprehensive at first, but in the end Ru Yi talked him into it, and he even became excited about the idea.
Not merely accepting; he was genuinely happy about the idea of the two of them having children."
"I was the first person he told when he found out he was pregnant," Gu Wei said, his voice so quiet Xiao Zai almost had to struggle to hear him.
Xiao Zai let out a choking, scratchy sound, his throat struggling to work.
"He had a physician declare him contagiously ill shortly after and secluded himself in his estate. I didn't see him for the entire duration of his pregnancy, but we exchanged letters, whenever possible." He sighed, heavy and filled with regret. "Just short notes in code for fear your father could intercept them, but I got the impression he was lonely."
It was an incredibly cruel thing to do, especially after convincing Xiao Yao to take such extraordinary steps.
But what Gu We had done was no less cruel, especially because Chu Yun had never had the chance to choose.
Xiao Zai's fingers went tight on the wooden bench, "What about you? Why did you do it?"
Gu Wei sighed deeply, letting his neck hang between his shoulders for a moment before turning around on the bench to fully face Xiao Zai.
"I wanted you to have everything too."
Xiao Zai opened his mouth but the only thing that came out was a wounded sound.
He had never asked for that.
For months he had been slowly convincing himself that Chu Yun's pregnancy was a sign of how special their relationship was: that they were fated, meant to be, like the entire universe had conspired to bring them together. It was a heady feeling.
Now he knew that the only one conspiring had been his dam.
"What about Ru Long? Why not warn us about him?" Xiao Zai was going to lay all the cards on the table. Since he was already confronting Gu Wei he might as well get it all out of the way.
Gu Wei shook his head. "Those were the conclusions I didn't want you jumping to. I had no idea Ru Long was Xiao Yao's child, I haven't seem him since he was a toddler. Ru Yi had children with his Queen Consort and other concubines, I assumed the Crown Prince was one of them. Xiao Yao told me he would be sending the children away, but he didn't mention he was sending them back to their sire-"
Xiao Zai interrupted him. "Wait. Did you say 'children'?"
"That's right, the other reason why it didn't even cross my mind that Ru Long could be Xiao Yao's. He had twins, a boy and a girl." He looked towards the pond over his shoulder, avoiding Xiao Zai's probing gaze. "I should know. I delivered them myself."