The night was mellow, illuminated only by the glow of the waxing moon high on the sky, and the glow of the lanterns that remained lit along the streets. The cry of the cicadas deafened even the footfalls of Xiao Zai's horse, and those of the guard's behind him.
The familiar shape of the Second Prince's estate rose in his field of vision like a dark cloud, foreboding and oppressive like it had never been before -- not even when Xiao Zai first visited it, in its ruined state.
It no longer looked like the home where he and Chu Yun had spent those first few fledgling months of their union and started their family. Now it seemed to him that the estate contained inside its walls the extent of his past.
The single guard he brought with him announced him at the gate, and moments later they opened to allow them to ride inside.
No sooner had Xiao Zai dismounted from his horse, than a mild voice asked:
"What brings you here at such a late hour?"
Xiao Zai glanced at his dam from the corner of his eye, not daring to look at him head on. Gu Wei looked unchanged in his plain white robes, even the tension around the corner of his eyes the last time they talked wasn't there. He looked refreshed, somehow -- as if the days they hadn't seen each other had done him good.
Xiao Zai wasn't sure how that made him feel.
Did he want his dam to suffer? Did he want guilt to eat away at Gu Wei the same way it had him? Xiao Zai knew Gu Wei didn't feel the same sense of responsibility towards Chu Yun as he did. How could he, when he didn't feel even a fraction of the love Xiao Zai did?
"I've come to see A-Xiang," Xiao Zai said, handing the reins of his horse to the steward waiting by his side. "It's been a long time since I spent some time with her."
Gu Wei hummed, his hands clasped behind his back, posture impeccable as always.
"She'll be happy to see you," he said and turned around to walk towards the main building, leaving Xiao Zai behind.
Maybe a part of Xiao Zai was holding out on hope that Gu Wei would at least look guilty.
"Ah, I knew you'd bring me here," A-Xiang said, as soon as she saw the bamboo groove in the distance.
Xiao Zai figured there were worst things to be than predictable.
He helped A-Xiang into the swing, and then sat next to her, instead of pushing her as he had done the last time. There was room enough for the two of them, but A-Xiang still leaned against his shoulder.
"I'm glad you're no longer ill," A-Xiang said, her eyes shining as she looked up at Xiao Zai. "Papa was so worried, he was crying every day, even though he tried to hide it from me."
Xiao Zai coughed to hide his grimace. He knew A-Xiang didn't mean anything by it, but it still tugged at a soft place in his chest to imagine Gu Wei's worry for him.
"I came to visit you at the palace, you know?" A-Xiang said, oblivious to Xiao Zai's mixed feelings. "Papa brought me and daddy."
Xiao Zai went very still. He didn't think he'd ever get used to hearing A-Xiang call Jin Luan that, but he didn't want her to notice his reticence -- especially because he knew it was very unfair of him.
"Well, I'm all better now," Xiao Zai said, pinching her side lightly to make her giggle. "So there's no need to worry anymore."
A-Xiang grinned at him, her cheeks dimpling with mirth. "When am I going to be an aunt?" she asked suddenly.
Her sudden question surprised a breathless chuckle out of Xiao Zai. "It shouldn't be long now."
"I can't wait to meet my nephew or niece."
Xiao Zai couldn't wait either, but his smile dimmed as he remembered all the uncertainties in their horizon. They still hadn't found a solution for Ru Long, and had no idea what he was planning.
"Soon," he said, patting the top of A-Xiang's head, but hoping she didn't notice the anxious tremble of his fingers.