Chapter 176 - Wait For Me

Lance. 

I walk into his room and he looks up immediately. His eyes are wide, his face is calm but I can tell he is as eager as I am. I sense a hint of confusion on his face—or should I say uncertainty. I don't know where we stand.

We are back to square one.

Taking him out of the hospital is the one thing I would always regret. He might have ended up hating me but he wouldn't have gone through all the things he did. No matter what I think, that was the wrong move and the regrets will always be there.

I walk over to him and he manages a faint smile. The room is quiet and things are a little awkward because I don't know what to say which is weird for me because I always have something to say. I am never one to be in the middle of an awkward silence. I ramble more than I stay quiet but at this moment with him, I want him to make the first move. I want to see where I stand. Does he hate me? is he upset about the whole thing?

Most importantly, does he love me?

Things are a lot clearer now, I think it has been established that his father is not the monster we thought he was, so now, we can trust him. Know that whatever he is doing is for the betterment of his son. I don't have to worry about John anymore. Think about all the ways he could possibly want to hurt him. All I have to worry about now is Ford getting better.

I watch him as he plays with the sheets nervously. I close my eyes for a couple of seconds and take a deep breath. "Hey,'' I manage softly.

His smile widens a little bit but he doesn't say anything. I get why he is nervous but I feel like he doesn't need to be. I am here, he is mine. We have each other. We don't have to worry about anything. "Can I hold you?'' I ask him. I don't know what will happen. Things are sensitive and rocky right now but I am not letting go of this. I am not letting go of him.

He doesn't answer me but I watch him as he walks over to me, cowering over me, he pulls me closer and then his arms are around me. We have hugged so many times, this is not the first time but it feels different. There is closure, things are looking up.

It feels great.

**********************

"I am sorry for all the things that happened,'' he breathes out after a long time of silence. I don't know how long I have to be with him but I don't want to leave. I wish I never had to leave him but he needs the space to get better. I am lying down on his bed, he has his arms around me. it almost feels like he doesn't even want to let me go.

I don't ever want to let him go either and the fact that we are here in this position means that things are still good between us. There are things that we need to talk about but I don't want to bombard him with everything at once. A lot has happened and I get how it can be overwhelming, so I need him to take his time. Whenever he is ready, I will be here and we can talk.

"You didn't do anything,'' I answer him.

He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair "You are everything to me, I messed it up.''

"You didn't do anything Ford. These things happen.''

He shakes his head "I lied about the meds. I couldn't get it but I didn't want you to worry and so I lied.'' He blurts out.

I open my eyes wide, shocked at his words. I didn't even think that he wasn't taken his meds. It suddenly reminds me of all that John said about him never taking his medications. That must have been why he was so triggered. That explains everything.

"I don't want to do anything or say anything that will make you have doubts right now. I just want to be here with you.'' I tell him because I have so many questions but it all seems too soon. This is an opportunity—being with him right now, seemed so hopeless a couple of hours ago. I don't want to blow it.

"I am fine. I want to talk about it.''

"Okay."

He smiles faintly. I know him and I can tell that this is hard for him but if he wants to do this, then I have no choice but to oblige because he is everything to me. He is the reason why I am here, the reason why I found love. He is my life.

"Why did you keep it from me? We said we were going to be transparent about everything,'' I remind him of his promise to me.

Being completely transparent is the hardest thing to do, there will be times where you will be scared that your honesty would hurt the other person and I guess that might have been the reason why he kept it from me. It is not an easy thing to ask someone, so I completely understand.

"We were at a great place and then there was the fear that we would be caught. I know you didn't really think I should be out of the hospital. I could sense all the doubt in you.''

I stiffen because I thought I hid it well. I made a promise to Ford. That I would always believe him even though I thought he was wrong. When I found out about John. The doubts started flooding in but I had to keep my promise to him. I had to believe that he was right even though deep down I knew that he might not have been.

"I didn't want you to worry.''

He nods "I know that, I knew that then too and that was why I hid the fact that you didn't bring all the meds. I saw it in your face. The fear, the worry mixed with regret. There was nothing I could do but lie because I knew it would make you feel better.''

I didn't want to feel better, I wanted to help him.

"I am sorry that I made you feel that way.''

He shakes his head again, this time sitting up on the bed "That's not what this is about. This is about me keeping things from you. This is about those things having an after effect and messing with my mind. That is why I had a meltdown."

I feel the void as he detaches from me. I want him in my arms again but it is too much to ask for, while he is having such a meaningful conversation with me.

"I am going to work on myself, Lance. I am going to be better so that I can be with you.'' he breathes out. I see him and all that he is. "Will you wait for me? I don't know how long this is going to take but will you wait?''

My heart thuds in my chest. This feels like a proposal. This is not a big deal. He is already my boyfriend. He is the love of my life. Asking me to wait for him feels like he is asking me to marry him. I would agree to those two things in a heartbeat.

Anything he wants. I am here to love him. Give him everything.

"I am not going anywhere, Ford. This thing is forever.''

I tell him as I have been saying since I met him. I remember the feelings I got when I met him at the party. Finding out that he was John's son. I had to fight for him. We have had so many challenges. So many things that have seemed like impossible moments.

If you look at things the way an outsider would, we shouldn't even be together. It is weird and confusing and maybe a little wrong.

It doesn't make sense but to me, it makes all the sense in the world. He is my happy ending. My forever guy and no one will ever take that from us.

Not even his bipolar disorder, or depression.

He leans into me and his lips smash against mine with so much force that I fall back on the bed. I grab the ends of his shirt as I try to deepen the kiss. He is holding unto me as tightly as I am. Our feelings have always been reciprocal. There has never been any uncertainty in how we feel about each other.

After a couple of minutes, he pulls back from me and smiles warmly. The sincerity of the smile is everything to me "I love you, Lance. I will always love you.''

I feel the same.