Chapter 158 - KYLE'S RETURN

I had been going between pacing around the house and taking care of Maya for the last few hours while I waited for Kyle to get home. I was just too anxious to know what he had found out. And I was worrying about why it was taking him so long to get home.

Did something happen to him? Was he even still alive? OK, that was stupid of me to ask. I had a beast mark on me from Kyle. That was the second time that he marked and it meant that we could sense each other. Still, I hated not knowing where he was or what was going on.

The entire time that I was awake while Kyle was gone I swear EZ and Bastian were looking at me like I was crazy. Honestly, I fucking felt crazy right now. When the hell did I become so obsessed with knowing where a man was? When I mated with Kyle and accepted it, duh. When did I start feeling like I couldn't calm down if he went off to a dangerous situation? When those dreams started again, obviously.

The day after the wedding for Kyle's pack, the day after I had been poisoned by some jealous bitch in his pack, I had that dream. I had told Kyle about having it again and he had looked so hurt and worried about me that I decided not to tell him that I have had that dream, that nightmare, ever since.

Every day since that one, I have had that dream. Every nap, every night, every time that I slept at all. And the day that Maya was born the dream morphed just a little bit. The dream went from me being pregnant when they came to get me to Maya sitting in a bassinet in the living room with us when the nightmare version of Victor came for me.

I didn't tell Kyle that in the dream they attacked him first and he looked like he was dead before they attacked and subdued me. I wasn't dead but I was not capable of fighting them off. Then they took me and my baby.

I didn't tell Kyle that after the dream modified I stopped waking up from it like I used to. I used to wake up before the fighting went too far, but now, it was even worse. I didn't tell Kyle that after they took us away in the dream, I was lost in the darkness, unable to move or say anything while I just listened to Maya's helpless screams.

The screams sounded just like they did that night she was born. Those screams where she was so hungry because I wasn't capable of feeding her. Those screams that broke everything inside of me when I heard them.

And I definitely didn't tell Kyle that everytime, when I got to that part of the dream, I would start to cry in my sleep and I would wake up with my face covered in tears. And I never did tell him, that the main reason that I would stay up with Maya at night was because I didn't want to go back to sleep just to have that dream again.

How could I tell him any of that? What would he think of me if I did? How could he ever possibly see me as strong if he ever knew the way that I had been feeling for the last three months?

I wasn't strong. I was nowhere near as strong as I thought I was or acted like. I was weak and pathetic, and I knew that about myself. The thing was, that I could never let them know what was going on inside of me.

"Jacy, why don't you let me make you something for lunch?" EZ called out to me while I was stressing and thinking.

"You can't cook." I reminded him.

"OK, so how about Bastian cooks?" He grinned at me.

"I'll pass." I had never tried his food before. I couldn't trust that it would be edible either.

"Then you make something." He was determined to have me eat something but I just didn't have an appetite right now.

"No."

"Jacy, you need to take care of yourself." He was reprimanding me now.

"He's right, Jacy." Bastian jumped onto the bandwagon and scolded me.

"I'll eat later. I'm not hungry."

"You're just stressed out. You need to take care of yourself." I heard EZ's words but I ignored them. I had thought I heard the sound of the elevator in the hallway.

"He's right Jacy, you're just-." I never heard the end of Bastian's sentence. Not that I would have paid attention to it anyway. This time he and EZ turned to look at the door that I was already staring at.

It was Kyle, I already knew that it was since I had smelled him, however I wasn't going to believe it until I saw him. I was staring at the door so intently that the moment I saw my mate walk through the door I almost didn't recognize him. He wasn't wearing what was in my imagination, and since I had been reliving the dream over and over since I woke up, I was half expecting Victor and the others to be storming through the door.

"Good, you're up." I saw the crooked smile on his face and nearly let it break me. "I brought you dinner." He held up a bag of food, expecting me to need to see it to know that he had brought food home.

OK, I had needed it. I was still so hyper focused on him that I hadn't smelled anything besides him. I was trying to smell if he had the scent of blood, or if his emotions were off. I was trying to ascertain whether or not he was OK. Thank the Goddess, it seemed that he was perfectly fine. Fine, and sexy, and handsome, and all the good things that made him who he was.

"Are you OK?" He asked as he came up to me and kissed my cheek. I didn't answer him, I just looked at him like he wasn't real.

"I think she is just a little stressed." EZ smiled and spoke flippantly, trying to break my mood. "I can see that this is going to be a nice quiet and personal dinner. Plus, Laremy isn't with you, so I am guessing he is waiting for us downstairs. We will be leaving then. Call me later, Jacy baby. If you don't, I will get too worried about you."

"Uh huh." I just tried to placate him, not really knowing what I was agreeing to as I stared at Kyle's handsome face.

I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming right now. Was he really with me or was this a dream that was about to go south? What was going on with me?

"Come on, let's get you some food." He laughed and pulled me along with him to the couch as I heard the front door click. I looked over at it, expecting to see people coming inside but they weren't there.

I still wasn't talking. I wasn't even doing anything without prompting. Kyle handed me a fork and a plate of Chinese food that he had prepared for me and told me to eat so I did, all while still staring at him.

I watched him eat and smile and talk to me like nothing was wrong. 

'This isn't how the dream usually goes.' I told myself, finally relaxing a little bit.

"Are you really OK?" Kyle asked me, with worry in his voice.

"Are you?" I turned the question around on him. "You went to see the local Alpha wolf and the vampires. How the hell could you decide to do that while I was asleep? Why do you keep going to take care of things that have to do with me while I am asleep?"

"You needed your sleep." He looked at me with a face filled with unease and confusion. "I didn't intentionally leave just because you were asleep. It's just that everything happened while you were asleep. I'm sorry, honey, I really am. I am not trying to keep you out of all of this. But, I also thought that you would want to protect Maya."

"I did." I hung my head in shame. "I am her mother, aren't I? As bad of one as I am, I am still her mother and I will protect her with my life."

"You're a great mother." He assured me after setting his plate down and wrapping his arm around me. "Maya and I both love you and think that you're the best mommy in the world."

"I'm not, though." I hung my head. "I am nothing but a terrible liar." I felt the tears coming back to me. The tears that I had shed again while I napped today.

"Jacy? What is wrong? Talk to me, please."

When I looked up into his eyes I saw the pain and sorrow that was in them. He wanted to know why I was so upset and wound too tight. Fine, I would tell him. But it came at a price.

"I will tell you, but first I want you to tell me what happened today. Please, Kyle, I need to know what happened while you were gone."

"OK, that's fine. I will tell you everything." He smiled gently at me.

He told me the tale of what had happened. He told me about meeting Justin, the local Alpha wolf. He told me how Baxter mated with that Alpha's sister. He told me about how they went into the Vampire's Den, just the four of them. That part nearly gave me a heart attack but thankfully it all worked out. He told me about Salazar, the owner of the bar, and his mate Thea, the female head Vampire. And lastly, he told me how they all agreed to help us out.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard his story. Thank the Goddess that it all went well. I had been worried sick just because of where they were going.

"Now, please Jacy, talk to me."

"Fine." I nodded at him before I lifted my head to look him in the eyes. "I will tell you what has been happening with me lately."

I was about to shatter his faith in me. I was about to make him stop loving me because of how weak I truly was. I just hoped he understood that he asked for this.

I told him everything. I didn't leave anything out. I just kept talking with my eyes on the plate that was still in my hands and not once looking at him while I broke apart the image he had of me inside of his head.

When I was done talking, Kyle took my plate and set it on the coffee table in front of me. I was surprised that he had done that so I looked up to see his face.. What I saw on his face made me gasp.