125 Chapter 125: Life’s Too Painful Without You

He felt like his body was on fire for one minute, and the next minute he was in a bucket of ice-cold water. In pain, he kept muttering a name he knew so well. Nathalia.

Nathalia sat beside him the whole time. She was seeing him suffer and hearing him call her name. It hurt her terribly. She had not stopped crying. She felt weak and even ashamed of herself for crying; however, she thought this could possibly be the only time she cried so much for someone she loved, and she forgave herself.

Spencer woke up to see Nathalia with swollen eyes seated by him. Her face lit up as soon as she saw him open his eyes. Eagerly, she put her hand gently on his forehead. The fever was gone. She felt a bit relieved. "How do you feel? Would you like some water? You have been asleep for two days. I was so worried." She said softly, tears still in her eyes.

Under the dim light, Nathalia looked less tough like she used to. There was an unusual gentleness and even weakness on her face. She didn't care to pretend to be strong anymore. Now, she was just happy, very happy, to see that Spencer was awake.

He grabbed her hands, held them as tight as he could, and asked, "Nathalia, would you come back to me, please?" His face was still pale, and his voice sounded mild but determined.

Nathalia had not expected this would be the first thing he asked when he woke up. She was taken aback, or she was more confused. She turned away from him unconsciously and poured a glass of water. "Here, have some water." She was avoiding it.

But Spencer wouldn't let her. "Nathalia, I love you even more than before. I care about you; I think of you; without you, everything is a mess, and life seems meaningless." It was true. He hadn't been happy ever since they separated.

This time, he had really realized how important she was to him, and he had to take the chance and express it.

Nathalia felt a stabbing pain in her heart. She wanted to withdraw her hands from his but failed. She sighed, "Don't think much now. The only thing you need to do is rest well and get better soon."

She felt helpless, yet what else could she do? They were not suitable for each other.

Though Spencer always knew she was a stubborn one, he thought she would at least think about it if he pleaded. "I know you care about me..."

It was too complicated a feeling Nathalia had. She rubbed her temples gently as if it could ease the pain. "So what? You have your responsibility, and I have mine. We can't be together. We are not meant to be."

Sometimes, love isn't enough. The reality is the reality. Fate is fate.

She was straightforward and harsh. That was the attitude she took. For someone as proud as Spencer, normally, it was impossible to take no as an answer. She was expecting him to get angry and yell, and then she would take the chance to leave.

Night had slowly crawled in. It had grown darker outside. There was a hint of sadness in Spencer's voice. Yet it sounded so casual as if he was telling someone else's story instead of his own, despite how tragic it was.

Nathalia felt like there was a stone stuck in her throat as she gazed at him for a while till finally, she couldn't bear it anymore, and she almost whispered, "Stop. Spencer, you don't need to tell me this."

The past was too heavy. It was the past now and let it be. Let it be forgotten. To mention it, to recall it, was too cruel.

It mustn't be easy for him. Who said that money brought happiness? The two of them had made good examples.

The gentleness in her eyes seemed to melt away the pain in him. He put his arms around her waist, hugged her, and took a deep and long breath. He went on, "She had an accident, and it damaged the nerves. She can hardly recognize people now. It's like she lives in her own world. However, Anna and I are the only two people that she remembers..."

It didn't matter anymore whether it was an accident or not that she had even forgotten the man she loved.

"I can't leave her. I know I'm asking a lot. I want to look after her and love her, and at the same time, I want to be with you. But I've tried to choose just one, and it doesn't work. Life's too painful without you."

All the pain and struggle spilled out of his heart.

He had thought that it was just a beautiful meeting, one that would just pass, one that could just be part of the past, be forgotten as time went by. But he was wrong. Ever since she left, his life had been broken, and no peace could be found again. So many times, he had dreamed of her leaving and woken up heart-broken at night, waiting for the sun to come up. 

He couldn't help checking where she was, what she was doing, how she had been. He felt pain when she was in pain, and he felt joy when she was happy.

He had thought that it was just a relationship he lost and relationship love was just a bonus to his life, something that he could live without and nothing that could be compared to the love he had for his mother. However, he was, again, wrong. When he realized that he had lost her, he couldn't function. He had never felt fear since he was ten years old, and this time, fear revisited him. It came like huge waves, swallowing him.

It was fear he felt. He, who had been through all sorts of difficulties, once again felt scared. The thought that she might die made him terrified, reckless, and even murderous. He wanted the whole world to die with her if she did not live.

She had become a must in his life, what he could not live without. His love for her had rooted inside him.

Tears ran down Nathalia's face. Her lips parted slightly to say something, but the words in her heart did not come out, and instead, she said, "I will only bring more pain to you."

Spencer reached his hand out and gently wiped the tears off her cheeks, a sweet and bitter feeling in him. "I'm not scared of pain. Nathalia, walk with me. As long as I have you by my side, I will be happy."

More tears streamed down her face. She despised herself for crying, but she couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. I can't..."