Chapter 70 - Why Don't You Understand, Zeng Ge? I

After getting discharged, Yul came back home. Zeng wasn't there. Probably on his duty, again. Though it wasn't new, he missed those days when Zeng would be home before him and the doctor would run into his arms whenever he came home from work.

He had come back to their apartment after so many days. He didn't like coming back to an empty house. He didn't like staying alone here. It felt suffocating in here without his Zeng ge.

Wasn't he always living like this, all alone... even before Zeng came into his life?

He had always been a quiet person. However, the loneliness had never bothered him because he had a goal, a dream. He was a little boy of five when he saw his father marching in a police parade, wearing his neat uniform. Since then, he had aspired to become a police officer who would protect society against injustice and fight every evil. It was his childhood dream to be a hero and he became one.

When they first met at a camp, Zeng was a medical intern and Yul was in his second year of training. Both had their own careers ahead of them. But love blossomed. Yul was the first to confess and Zeng wholeheartedly reciprocated after finding love within him. Zeng's family never had a problem but Yul's parents had been reluctant at first. Ultimately both the families came to the realisation that their sons loved each other and didn't mind this relationship as long as their boys were happy. Even for five years since then, he loved Zeng. He still did, like always. However, he couldn't help but feel that things were falling apart. After their last conversation, he got even more anxious.

Pushing the bad thoughts away, he roamed around the house. It had been cleaned. It looked like Zeng had done it.

He came back to the living room. They had a showcase on one wall where various trophies, medals and certificates were displayed. Some were Yul's while some were of Zeng. Four gold medals having the state police emblem were placed on their stands on the left side. Yul had won them as a reward for his achievements in exploiting major crimes and putting infamous criminals behind bars. His accomplishments at such a young age were astonishing. However, it never went to his head. The only times he was proud was when his family and Zeng were there to witness it.

He still remembered how happy Zeng was when he received his first honour medal. Along with Yul's parents, Zeng was also present for the ceremony, cheering for him and clapping proudly like a small kid. However, so was not the case when he got his second medal. One of his batchmates had died in a bomb blast during the mission. Zeng had panicked when the unidentifiable dead body was brought to the City Hospital for post mortem. He couldn't reach Yul during that time and he totally lost his self-control. Yul still remembered how Zeng had sobbed in his arms when he found out that his beloved was alive.

From the showcase, Yul moved on to another wall. On this wall, many photos were hung; the memories that they had collected over the years. The wall began as a plain empty surface was now filled with precious memories with each other, family and friends. But away from these pictures, one frame was placed on the side table.

He picked up the photo frame. It was their picture. Zeng was smiling at the camera as Yul was carrying him on his back. Even though Zeng was taller by a few inches, he weighed nothing. He had his arm lovingly wrapped around Yul's neck and showed his sunshine smile. While his mom was taking a photo, she called Yul various times to look at the camera. But how could he focus on the camera when something far more beautiful and ethereal was right beside him? He kept looking at Zeng. His mom had to helplessly click the picture that way.

He smiled as he recalled the memory. Looking at the picture now, he could see his eyes looking at Zeng as if he was the most beautiful thing that had happened to him, which he was, still is. He had never been good with words but his eyes said it all. Just one look at them and anyone could tell that he was madly in love with this Angel.

This was his favourite picture of them and so he had framed it and put it there. He caressed the smooth surface of the glass. They both looked so happy in the photo. Where did we go wrong?

Yul traced his fingers over Zeng's face. "My Angel." That's what he referred to Zeng as. An angel who saved the lives of many, including his; an Angel with the brightest smile.

He came out of his trance as the front door opened and arrived a weary-looking Zeng. He smiled seeing Yul, the same smile that he usually gives his patients and that didn't escape Yul's eyes.

"Hi." He said. His voice sounded tired. His bright eyes were grim and red and Yul knew why. However, there was something in the way he looked at him that made Yul feel anxious.

"Hey," Yul replied as he kept the photo down. He went to him and they hugged for a brief moment, Zeng rubbed his back gently as he closed his eyes. His head lingered for a while in the crook of his boyfriend's neck, inhaling his scent and relishing in his touch after a long time. He missed being in Yul's arms.

"How are you now?" He inquired, breaking the hug and examined Yul's arm.

"I am fine," Yul answered.

An uncomfortable silence was established. Zeng was the first to break it.

"About the thing I mentioned last time ..."

Yul interrupted him, "If you are still going to nag me about leaving my job and coming back to desk work, it's still no use. I am making it clear beforehand."

Zeng nodded as if he had almost given up on that idea. "What will you be doing from now on?" He asked, expecting the answer he knew but also hoping to hear a different one.

Yul sighed. If Zeng wanted to be stubborn, then fine. He too wouldn't back down. "I want to continue as a field agent. I am not meant for desk work, Zeng ge. Battling evil out there is where I belong. That's why I strive for this job."

Zeng sighed a trembling breath, "If I beg you, even then you won't listen to me?" He pursed his lips. He already knew the answer.

"This time, I am afraid I can't," Yul answered, taking a deep breath and went to the taller man taking his hands in his larger ones. "This is my dream, Zeng ge. Why won't you understand? I have been preparing for this for years, even before we got together. This is something I have wanted to do since my childhood. I grew up as a son of a police officer. I aspired to become like him; a hero. Someone who could protect those who are in need. Someone on whom people can rely on when faced with injustice. Someone who can stop the evil from harassing the common people of the society. I live for this, Zeng ge and I want to keep doing it. I take pride in my job as a Police Officer. This job is my life. Please try to understand me and don't take that away from me.." Yul was almost pleading.