Chapter 71 - Why Don't You Understand, Zeng Ge? II

He continued, "Remember, we promised each other to work for the betterment of the world. You will provide them medical help and I will protect them from all malicious things out there. Did you forget it, Zeng ge?" He asked, "We are supposed to do this together, right?"

Zeng nodded as he talked, "I remember it, Yul. I remember it clearly. But the definition has changed for me. You have become my priority over the years. Even if I treat thousands of people out in the world, if I can't save just this one person, everything goes in vain. It's all meaningless. I don't know anything, I just don't want you to die." He took a deep breath. "You can contribute to the welfare of people by any other means. This method is dangerous. What if something bad happens to you?"

"Again you are back to the same thing!" Yul snapped. He felt his blood boiling. "How many times should I tell you, this is what I want to do. This is not just a job, it's my spirit. My life won't hold a meaning without it."

Zeng looked away, tears started to well up. They were at it again. They were fighting again like many other times. It got tiring after a while. The constant back and forth that resulted in no conclusion was exhausting. Yul's heart bled seeing Zeng cry. He had promised the doctor that he would never let him cry but what Zeng was doing was wrong. Yul needed to convey it and make him realise it.

"Fine then," Zeng said with finality, "You can do whatever you wish to. I won't ever stop you again. It's your life after all. I shouldn't be dictating it. But I want to stop worrying about you. I-... I can't bear it anymore, Yul. It's too much of a burden for me. This fear of the unknown is weighing down on me day upon day."

Yul scoffed bitterly, "Aren't you being selfish, Zeng ge?" He asked, raising his voice, "Why are you playing the victim again? Do you think it's easy for me to go on like this? I spent nights alone in this house when you are in the hospital doing your job. You rarely come home but spend most of the days in the hospital residency. You don't even call me and whenever I do, you never pick them up. You are always so busy. You don't even attend any family gathering anymore. Tell me, when was the last time we spent some quality moments together? When was the last time we had a decent meal together? None! Did I ever complain? Do you think it's only tough on you? What about me? Did you ever try to understand how I feel? I also need you. But I don't cause you any trouble thinking it'll annoy you. I am also suffering on my part, Zeng ge. Why won't you understand me? Me being a Police Officer is not something I do for the salary or the excitement. It's a compulsion for me. I can't bring myself to pull away from it. My job is my life and you are my heart. Don't put me in such a difficult position to choose between one, Zeng ge."

Zeng felt guilty for all the times he wasn't there for Yul. He had been busy with his work when Yul needed him. Again, he was at fault like every other time. He bit his lips to avoid the sobs from escaping.

"I know Yul. I know I am a selfish person. I am sorry for being like this. I am sorry for not being there for you. But trust me even though I wasn't with you, I always kept thinking about you. I tried keeping my thoughts at bay, tried to not involve myself too much that it would start hurting me instead. But it's not working anymore. We are not being ourselves. The people who fell in love with each other, we are not them anymore. Our relationship is changing. Can't you see? It's getting toxic. It was supposed to be equal but now it feels like I am trying to control you."

"I never thought that way, Zeng ge." Yul cupped his face gently. "I love you and you know that well but please don't do this to me. I feel so torn in between all this. You just need to stop with this silly demand. Let's go back to how we were happy together."

Zeng held on to those strong arms as he shook his head, on the verge of breaking down. "I can't. It's not the same anymore. I am sorry. I am so sorry that I can't help it. Your life is of utmost importance for me and you doing that job threatens it. I can't seem to compromise with it. Fearing all the time that something would happen to you, I can't live this way, Yul. It's driving me crazy. I want to stop myself from going any further into this madness." He sobbed.

"Zeng ge... don't..." Yul tried stopping him before he said something that could destroy everything but Zeng had made his decision.

"I can't do it anymore, Yul." Zeng closed his eyes, expelling the tears.

"W-what?"

"I can't do it, Yul. I can't continue our relationship like this anymore."

Yul felt his world crashing at the words. "W-Why? Just because I won't listen to you this time? Is that why you are thinking like this? Zeng ge, what did I do wrong? Why are you saying things like that?" His hands started to tremble in fear.

Zeng shook his head. He knew how it would affect them but he had to do this. "It's not your fault. The problem lies with me, Yul. I have invested too much in you. Too much that I am starting to drag you down and hurt myself at the same time. I am a selfish, pathetic idiot. I want you to be alive but at the same time, I am snatching your reason for being alive. Everything is a mess and I can not deal with it anymore. I am done!" Zeng pursed his lips trying to control his emotions. He had great difficulty uttering those words but he somehow managed to voice out. He had to.

"Let's break up.... please."