Chapter 72 - Stay

"Let's break up... please."

The last ounce of life that had been there in Yul, left him. He was shattered, he felt broken. Those simple words were enough to give him so much pain that he couldn't fathom. He felt his life force draining away as his vision got blurry due to tears.

"W-What are you saying?" He touched Zeng's shoulders. "Please don't joke about something like this, Zeng ge."

"I am not joking. I have been thinking about it for a while now." Xiao Zeng said each word carefully, knowing well the weight of the words but it didn't prevent the fatal blow the other person recieved.

Yul still couldn't believe it. He retracted his hands from the doctor and moved a few steps back.

"I don't want to." He mumbled, audible enough for Zeng to hear in the stilling silence of their shared home. "I don't want to." He repeated it again as tears made their way down his pale face.

He couldn't believe his ears. His Zeng ge could never say something like this. This couldn't be true. This would never happen. Zeng would never do this to him. He couldn't be this cruel to him.

"Why are you doing this?" He shouted. "Is it because I refuse to back down from my work? I also love my job the same way you love yours. I never had a problem with yours. Then why is it that you have a problem with mine? We have both dreamed of what we have become today. Why don't you understand that I can't just leave it! Everything had been going on fine for five years now. We both have well settled careers. Then why... why are you thinking that only yours is important and not mine? Is my dream in any way inferior to yours, huh? Is it so wrong to hold onto do something that I love?"

"That's not what I mean to say, Yul," Zeng said, his entire body trembling with sobs. "Of course, you live for your dream, I know that. But from now on, I don't want to put you in this difficult situation anymore where you have to choose only one of us. Your dream had been with you even before me; it will be with you even after I am gone. I was the temporary one here. The more we attach ourselves with each other, the more painful it will be when we separate. The more we chain each other to be together, the worse we get. It's better to do it now than later. I know it's going to be hard for both of us. But we have to do it now. It would hurt even more if we do it later. Let me go before I lose myself completely. I cannot carry on like this."

"So you decided to run?" Yul's voice sounded dead.

Zeng felt terrible seeing him like this. "Yes, I am running away from it. I don't have the strength to face it anymore. Sometimes it's better to let go than carrying on. If we go on like this neither will I be happy nor will you. Let's end this before it hurts us even more. This relationship is doing us more harm than good." He put his hand forward to caress Yul's face. Yul slapped it away. He couldn't have Zeng touching him. He felt betrayed. His sorrow was mixed with the bubbling anger. He couldn't contain his rage and shouted,

"You are a coward, Zeng ge! You are the most selfish person I have ever seen! You only think about yourself." He pushed Zeng away. The doctor stumbled back but didn't move as he kept his head down is shame and regret.

"You think it's okay for you to step on people and walk away,* Yul accused. "If something doesn't go according to your will, you just flee. You run away. Just because I refuse to listen to you, you decided to leave me alone this way, you damned coward."

Zeng took in all the accusations. He was guilty as accused so he couldn't deny them.

"Yes, I am a coward. You can hate me for it all you want but being a coward is better than being crazy. Whatever is happening between us is making me go mad. There is a limit to how much I can handle. It had come to a point that I can't anymore and so I am choosing the easy way out. You can detest me for it but that won't change anything."

Yul looked at him through teary eyes. Zeng had to look away to not witness it. He couldn't afford to fall weak now. This had to end today.

"See Yul, even if we are done, you won't be alone forever. It's not like there won't be others. Unlike me, you are pretty young. Our six years age difference will come in use. You are such a great guy. You can easily get anyone you want. Somebody who could understand you better, something that I failed to do. You will be happier with them."

"B-but I want only you." Yul sobbed for the first time in years. Hiccups left his throat as he chocked out words with great difficulty. He took Zeng's hands in his own, falling on his knees, "Please... please... Zeng ge, I am begging you... Stay."

Zeng shook his head in negation, "You deserve someone far better, Yul, not a coward like me. Look at me, I am trying to run away instead of standing with you and supporting you in whatever you do. I haven't done anything for you. I wasn't even there for you whenever you needed me and I won't be there if you need me anytime later. What could I even give you? Don't waste your time on me. Better things are waiting for you if you let go. I am nothing more than an obstruction to you. I keep meddling where I shouldn't. I am hurting you. I don't want that. I don't want any of us to hurt. This is for the best. Our relationship is holding us back. It's something that we both can't afford. So please, make it right.." He urged, "Let's put an end to it, Yul."