CH 28

Pei Yu had left. As to what extent he had left, if he had taken all his things with him, Xu Juan didn’t check.

Without bothering to undress, he went into the bedroom, sprawled onto the bed, and closed his eyes, sleeping through the entire night. 

It was a lonely night.

He no longer had the warmth of someone else’s body beside him and was inevitably a little unaccustomed to it. But it wasn’t a big issue.

His conscience prickling, Xu Juan thought, this wasn’t too bad.

Should he be willing to consider what was good for Pei Yu, then they should just break it off here and stop their involvement with each other. Putting an earlier end to their relationship was a good thing for Pei Yu. 

Pei laoshi was such a good person; It truly was a pity that he was pulled into the disaster that was Xu Juan. Right now, it had only been a little over a month, if Pei Yu wanted to escape, it wasn’t yet too difficult.

Mulling over this, Xu Juan gradually dozed off.

The next morning, he was woken up by the vibrations of his phone.

“Hello?” Half-awake, Xu Juan answered the call.

It was Yue Xuelin: “Director Xu, happy birthday.”

“……”

A majority of Xu Juan’s bleariness dissipated. He rolled over and sat up, glancing down at his clothes, thoroughly rumpled from sleep, and couldn’t help frowning. However, he maintained a polite tone: “Thank you.”

Yue Xuelin let out a quiet laugh. Though her voice was gentle and soft, her words were straightforward: “Have you decided? I’m awaiting your answer.” 

“Mn.” Xu Juan replied, then switched his phone over to his left hand, undoing his buttons with his right and taking his shirt off, “It seems I have no reason to reject.”

“All right, then I’ll be waiting for you.”

Once the call ended, Xu Juan sat, half-naked, at the side of the bed, and fell into a few seconds of silence.

Indeed, he had no reason to reject the engagement. 

The left side of the weighing scale was already empty, was there still a need to choose?

Now that things had come to this, he abruptly realized that he felt no joy. Once he made this decision today, then his entire life from this moment forth would be determined, wouldn’t it? There would no longer be anything to look forward to.

But if he refused the engagement, he didn’t know which direction he should head in, either, and there still wouldn’t be anything he could look forward to.

So be it, then. 

Xu Juan stopped thinking, got out of bed to shower, wash his face and brush his teeth. Then, he picked out a set of formal attire from his wardrobe.

Maintaining his image was already carved into his bones. He might not be the most accomplished, but he at least knew how to dress himself up so neatly and elegantly that no one could find a single fault.

Before he went out, Xu Juan picked a cologne with a relatively light fragrance. When that scent enveloped him, his mood lifted significantly.

Finally, once he had gotten ready, he drove in the direction of the hotel. 

……

By convention, the young Director Xu’s annual birthday party was a very happening event in their social circle.

As for what “circle” it referred to, it generally encompassed the rich. Included were not only individuals from the world of business and the entertainment industry. Obviously, these people weren’t here for Xu Juan. The majority of people who tried to get close to him had essentially done so due to his father, older brother, or older sister.

There was also another group of people who painstakingly shoved their heads into participating solely for the sake of networking. It was as if only those qualified to attend Xu Juan’s birthday party were considered true members of high society. 

For this reason, every year on this day, Xu Juan would feel as if he were no different from a mascot.

Else, considering that his company was hanging by a thread, was it worth having so many people holding him up from beneath his useless feet?

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Once he entered the hotel, he saw bouquets and flower arrangements of well-wishes filling nearly half the lobby. Xu Juan gave a quick glance; He didn’t recognize many of the names signed off on the greeting cards. There were some he had a vague impression of, but couldn’t recall their faces.

Xu Juan didn’t care about these things.

He took a photo of the flowers in passing, came up with some polite words of gratitude for the caption, then posted it on his Moments. 

It was still early and the guests haven’t all arrived yet, the party would only start a little later.

All matters for today were personally overseen by He Xiangzi, Xu Juan only needed to care about being a mascot. And so, he reached out to Yue Xuelin and the both of them entered a lounge on the second floor.

The lounge was strategically located, with front-facing French windows from the hotel’s entrance.

Xu Juan stood by the window and looked down. He didn’t say anything and neither did Yue Xuelin disturb him, sitting on the sofa and quietly playing with her phone. 

Xu Juan was very content with this; If they were able to maintain this state where one didn’t bother the other, even after marriage, it would be simply too peaceful.

After a while, when he was tired of standing, he went to sit on the sofa opposite Yue Xuelin to fiddle with his phone too.

His Wechat messages were still coming in strong.

Xu Juan had already muted his notifications earlier. 

He opened his Moments. The “thanks for the birthday wishes” post he had sent earlier had garnered a lot of likes and comments. Apart from people like Guo Shao and Hou Shijie, there were also some from exes he had yet to delete, such as Li Mengzhou. Although he didn’t send a private message to bother him, he left a like on this post.

Xu Juan stared at Li Mengzhou’s like, his thoughts drifting a little.

He thought, a person like Li Mengzhou was smart. He knew that there was no longer any possibility of getting back together, so he didn’t send anything in private chats. However, he still cherished those past memories, or he had already let them go and was willing to do a “like exchange” with Xu Juan. As such, when they thought of each other in the future, it was as if they had become friends and no longer harboured awkwardness between them.

But what about Pei Yu? 

After breaking up, Pei Yu would no doubt delete him immediately, wouldn’t he? Forget exchanging likes and whatnot, he would probably find him annoying whenever he saw him.

Xu Juan laughed.

In a sudden moment of realization, he found that whenever he thought of Pei Yu, his chest would feel a little tight, but it wasn’t too painful. In fact, he was even somewhat happy.

The source of this happiness was unclear, it baffled him to no end. 

Perhaps, it was because he still liked Pei Yu –– He wasn’t sick of him yet, but they unexpectedly broke up. This relationship didn’t have an amicable end, it was destroyed before its time was up. His passion had yet to dwindle and was now trapped in his heart, like a fish bone in his throat.

Shaking his head, Xu Juan dragged the screen down to refresh the page.

Several new names appeared in the list of likes, but what surprised him was that he actually saw Pei Yu’s name.

Xu Juan was stunned, suspecting that his eyes had gone out of focus and seen wrong –– The other clearly knew that today was his birthday, they had discussed this matter several times before. He had even mentioned that he would be holding a birthday party. Pei Yu had ignored him the whole of today, it was obvious that it meant they no longer had anything to do with each other. So how was it possible that he would now like his post? 

Sure enough, when he refreshed again, it was gone.

“……”

Xu Juan was unsure if it was because Pei Yu had deleted his like, or if he was hallucinating.

Since things had already come to this, then so be it. 

With a lazy yawn, Xu Juan glanced down at the time; It was almost time to head into the event hall, so he stood up and walked out with Yue Xuelin.

This year, his birthday party was grander than the ones from previous years.

At first glance, it didn’t seem like he was celebrating his birthday. Rather, it gave off the vibe of an engagement ceremony.

Xu Juan felt that his mother had deliberately arranged it this way. Madam He Xiangzi was terribly eager for him to get engaged right there, on the spot. 

On this rare occasion, Xu Juan was very well-behaved, standing with Yue Xuelin, one at He Xiangzi’s left, the other at her right, making polite conversation with guests. It went without saying that they truly resembled a pair of newlyweds.

However, even though the news of his engagement with Yue Xuelin had already more or less gone around, they still needed to announce it in person so it could be considered official.

He Xiangzi wanted Xu Juan to announce it during the cake-cutting and Xu Juan had no objections.

What surprised Xu Juan more was that his older brother had arrived very early today. Not only did he get here early, he even sought him out alone for a chat. 

Xu Juan was very flattered to receive this favour.

Only the Heavens knew how busy Xu Zhouyi was with work, it had already been a few months since they’d last seen each other.

To be honest, his relationship with his older brother wasn’t considered bad. “Not bad” basically meant that they both minded their own business. Xu Zhouyi rarely paid attention to him, if any issues arose, Xu Zhouyi would transfer a sum of money to him so he could mess around out of his sight and not waste his own time.

On the surface, this looked to be doting, but it was actually just for keeping up appearances. After all, in their family, the thing they lacked the least was money.

A few years back, when Xu Juan struggled to start a business by himself, he ran into many difficulties.

Many things in this world seemed easy to accomplish until one attempted them. When he was hard-pressed, Xu Juan did consider asking his father or older brother for help. If Xu Zhouyi had personally given him some pointers, perhaps his road to entrepreneurship would have been smoother. 

But on one hand, Xu Zhouyi was too busy and they didn’t communicate much, to begin with. On the other hand, Xu Juan felt a little embarrassed –– His problem was too insignificant; While Xu Zhouyi worked on Olympiad problems, how mortifying would it be if he brought a question like “1+1=?” to bother his older brother?

Also, the him who had solemnly vowed to “courageously be true to himself” couldn’t bring himself to turn back with his tail between his legs and admit his shortcomings, without first accomplishing something great on his own merit.

Unexpectedly, the sun seemed to have risen from the west today. Xu Zhouyi initiated the conversation, asking worriedly: “I heard you’re getting engaged?”

Xu Juan said he was. 

Xu Zhouyi nodded: “Getting married early is good. Since you don’t wish to get into business, you might as well settle down early. A man should at least be responsible for one other person.”

This made Xu Juan laugh: “Yes, I will definitely take care of my family in the future. I'll be a good husband who helps out his wife and teaches his children.” 

Xu Zhouyi: “……”

After he successfully angered his older brother into leaving, Xu Juan stood alone in a corner of the event hall. The smile on his lips gradually faded and his mood started to sink once more.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was missing Pei Yu again.

Perhaps, his love for Pei Yu didn’t hold much weight, but at times when no one understood him –– admittedly, it was his own fault for being undeserving of being understood –– he would particularly miss that one night when he and Pei Yu went up that mountain peak, looked at stars together and had a heart-to-heart. 

Xu Juan thought, maybe he had done things wrongly.

From this day six years ago, he had been doing things wrongly.

But he no longer had any desire to make things right.

All his aspirations had already been worn down to nothing. As for how the rest of his days would pass, if they were good or bad, it probably didn’t matter anymore. 

He returned to the center of the crowd once again.

It was finally time to cut the cake; Xu Juan was to make yet another wish.

Making a birthday wish was such a demanding task.

Six years ago, the twenty-year-old him had plenty of wishes. He wanted to relax. He wanted freedom, to leave home and see the world. He wanted beauties and good wine, he wanted the entire universe. 

Six years later, he had indeed relaxed. He had freedom, had left home, loved countless beauties, and gone once around the world. But if he looked back today, had his wishes from that year really been fulfilled? It didn’t seem so.

“What on earth am I not content with?”

Xu Juan stood in front of the lavish ten-layered cake. Beneath the stage, numerous pairs of eyes were staring at him: Curiosity, envy, admiration. This was the way others looked at him.

Xu Juan let out a quiet exhale: “I……” 

He had just parted his lips when the noise from a sudden commotion at the entrance of the event hall drifted over. Someone called out his name: “Xu Juan!”

“……”

Xu Juan froze and looked over in astonishment.

Only to see one person rushing through the door with two security guards trying and failing to hold him back. 

––It was Pei Yu.

It was possible Pei Yu had run the entire way here. He was breathing a little heavily, standing still in front of the crowd. Xu Juan couldn’t tell where he had come from; He appeared travel-worn, his clothes dusty. Compared with the entire room of immaculately-dressed distinguished guests, he cut quite a sorry figure.

Everyone was looking at him.

Some were surprised and curious, others were whispering to each other. But he didn’t notice them at all; He only had Xu Juan in his eyes. 

“Is this your birthday party, or is it your engagement party?” Pei Yu’s complexion was poor, but there seemed to be fire in his eyes. Scorching, igniting into flames. They carried the determination of someone who could break his way out of any amount of judgment or finger-pointing from others.

It scalded Xu Juan.

Pei Yu stared at him resolutely: “Are you compromising? You don’t love me anymore? Will you break up with me?”

He took a few steps forward. 

That imposing aura made Xu Juan’s hand tremble. He accidentally brushed against the cake, getting cream on himself.

The people beneath the stage were in shock; Most probably, it was because these distinguished guests valued their dignity and image, so none of them would do such an undignified thing during a formal occasion like this. Although, this person did seem to be quite close with their Director Xu.

No one held him back.

Pei Yu walked until he was in front of Xu Juan. 

“I’m not angry.” Pei Yu said, “If you love me, shouldn’t we be together? No matter what happened yesterday, I’m not mad at you anymore. I’m giving you a chance. Don’t get engaged to someone else. Come with me.”

“……”

“Come with me, right now. Are you willing, Xu Juan?”