CH 19

I groggily open my eyes. Feels like I had a good night’s sleep. I take off the blanket and stand up. Ki-do is sound asleep next to me, though I can’t see his face past the fluffy pillow he had on top of him. Some light streams through the thin drapes of the window.

I walk over to the window and pull the curtains open. The city lights drew my attention through the glass. They are white and yellow. There must be a lot of Betas and a few Alphas and Omegas in that building.

Alphas and Omegas are said to meet through fate. Do Betas have no fate? It’s a shame, in my opinion. Perhaps I’m not even aware that I’m waiting for fate. Something like a fateful meeting. 

What bullshit.

I’m not sure what part of me Director Lee likes. Maybe it was love at first sight. Or perhaps it began as a joke. The window glass reflects my face. I look gloomy. I appear fatigued, and my hair is a bit messy.

When I turn around, Ki-do is snoring with his back to me. That jerk, Seol Ki-do, has a nasty attitude. He’s so sentimental.

The more I attempt not to care, the more concerned I am. I’m not sure anymore. About what, I don’t know. The image of Director Lee sprang to mind. I have been thinking about him a lot lately. What will Director Lee’s expression be like tomorrow? Will he make fun of me? What will he say when he sees me?

I’m not sure what I should say first when I meet with Director Lee tomorrow.

I held my breath. It’s strange. Something is strange. I sat on the floor and buried my face in my lap. The sheets rustled; it was the sound of Ki-do tossing and turning. I wiggled my hands. I don’t think I can fall asleep again tonight. The sound of the ticking clock echoed in the quiet room.

“Hyung.”

I raise my head. Ki-do’s sleepy eyes meet mine as he raises his head.

“Why did you wake up?”

“What should I do?”

“…”

Ki-do silently shook his head. A dim light lit his face. I turned my head to the window. A bluish light was peeking through the dark.

“What’s going on?”

“What should I do? I think something is strange.”

“What?”

The number of yawns increased as time passed. He appeared to be falling asleep again. Ki-do lay down on the bed again. Light shone onto his back as he pat the bed.

“Kim Joo-hyuk, come here.”

“Can you introduce me to a Beta?”

“Beta?”

“Yes.”

“Betas only?”

“…”

Ki-do pushed himself up. I saw his puffy eyes. He looks a little funny. I raise my head. I stretched out my legs. The air is chilly.

“Why?”

“What.”

“Why only Betas?”

“That…”

“Hmm?”

“I am not an Omega or an Alpha.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Ki-do got out of bed sluggishly, but he sits down, grabs my shoulder, and looks straight into my eyes.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“If I had been younger, I would have been very frivolous.”

“…”

“But I have a conscience. It’s dawn, and yet hyung is still thinking about that…” 

“…”

“Betas can love Alphas too. You can like Omegas too. It doesn’t matter. Just do what you want.”

Ki-do embraces me. His hands are pretty huge on my back. They feel hot as his arms tighten around me.

“I’m not interested in dating anyone. It’s just strange. I think it’s strange.”

“Then try it.”

I burrow my chin into Ki-do’s shoulder. My frozen face slowly melts as the temperature rises with the rising sun. Ki-do’s hands rub my back tenderly. I feel the drowsiness returning to me. Ki-do’s voice is very low and quiet.

“Live the life you want.”

The sound of the clock was abnormally loud that night.

***

Ki-do and I didn’t do anything the next day. I didn’t want to even move my fingers. Saturday has arrived, but just by seeing each other’s expressions, we can determine what the other is thinking. We both don’t want to do anything.

I ate the bread in Ki-do’s house in the morning. I ate nothing but bread. I didn’t even take a sip of water. We sat on the sofa, eating the bread like guinea pigs on hay. The expiration date for it had passed two days ago.

Ki-do assured me it was alright. Even if it wasn’t good, I ate it already. I assumed the expiration date had passed. We had already consumed the bread when we discovered the expiration date. It came to my attention while I was throwing away the packaging.

Ki-do and I put our laziness to the test.

We repeatedly fell asleep in front of the television. Because the weather was cold, the boiler’s temperature increased. I toss a pillow at Ki-do’s back. 

“Put your clothes on.”

“I can’t put on my clothes because I’m lazy.”

That’s a good enough reason. I’m convinced. I’m still quite busy without worrying about Ki-do. I was laying down until I decided to brew a cup of coffee. Ki-do, who briefly walked out of the room, has a yellow book with him.

“Hyung, if you have nothing to do, practice the script with me.”

“I’m busy.”

“With what?”

“Breathing.”

Ki-do throws the yellow book onto my stomach.

“Is it romance?”

“I’m supposed to die soon. However, the lines are very long.”

I open up the script in my hands. My eyes are drawn to a small note. ‘Control your emotions, sympathize with others, don’t blink, and get a meal on the way home…’ The writing is really small. It was obviously Ki-do who wrote it. Even when he was in college, Ki-do was meticulous. The lines that were painstakingly painted with highlighters looked nostalgic. It was as though I had returned to college.

While reading the script, I stared up at Ki-do. Ki-do is different now. In college, he was a lot more innocent. Ki-do was an innocent child with round eyes during his freshman year. His tone has softened and his eyes have become a little sharper. His complexion appears to have darkened slightly. He is getting older. A tendon stood out in that long neck of his.

“You’ve changed a little.”

Ki-do stood in front of me. I stretched out my arms and pushed myself up to a sitting position.

“From top to bottom, page forty-seven.”

I cleared my throat and began reading the lines.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to attend the wedding. But I know you two will be happy. I use a handkerchief to wipe away my tears.”

“Why do you read ‘the wiping tears part,’ hyung?”

“Focus on your acting.”

“Okay.”

“I’m wiping away my tears with my handkerchief.”

Ki-do tilts his head as he recalls the following memorized lines. As if it’s really practice, his expression is serious.

“Even though we are Betas, it’s been so amazing. I’ll be a really good husband. I won’t let you down, Baekda-ssi. We’ll live like Betas. I can guarantee Baekda-ssi a peaceful and joyful life as a Beta. It will be a little boring, and unlike Alphas or Omegas, there’s nothing special. We’re ordinary, but we’ll love and live like Betas. Please trust me. Please come back now. Baekda-ssi also has the same thoughts as me, right?”

Ki-do approached me with a solemn expression on his face. I don’t have the next line. Instead, I had to cry very sadly. When I turned the page, a man named “Father-in-law” was crying for a page and a half. Ki-do has a lot of long lines. I can’t figure out how many times I have to cry before Ki-do can say a line.

“Huh?”

“…”

“Should I cry more?”

“Let’s stop.”

Ki-do snatched the script. I snatched it back from him.

“Hey, show me. When will you die?”

“After that scene, I die in a car accident.”

“Can you tell me what episode this is?”

“This is the first episode.”

Ki-do uses his feet to press the remote control’s power. I put the script down on the table.

“Are you getting paid?”

“Yeah.”

“What is it about?”

Ki-do changed the channel and put his feet on my stomach. Ki-do grabbed the script and fumbled around with it.

“A capable Beta lives an ordinary life, then meets her Beta husband and gets married. But the Beta’s husband dies and she falls in love with an Alpha. That’s it.”

Ki-do quietly placed the script on his lap. I leaned my neck against the armrest of the sofa.

“Is there really such a person?”

“There may be.”

Ki-do got up from the sofa, taking the script with him.

“Aren’t you going to survive later? Maybe it will turn out that you were still alive or something like that.”

“I don’t know.”

He turned around and lay back down. I can feel Ki-do’s feet moving.

“It’s very comfortable being with you.”

Ki-do sighed. He pressed my stomach with his heel.

“I know.”